The Question We All Ask - Why?

Many things happen in our lives and we often find ourselves asking no one in particular (usually God) - "Why? Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this? Why is the world so unfair to me? Why???"

As I sit in my chair typing this blog, I find my mind wandering to the thought again - Why? Why did so many things that I had treasured so much HAVE to fade away somehow? Why is it that no one is there when I need sympathy? I've been there for people when they needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to help through difficult times - And yet, I find no one being there for me when I go through these things. Why??

It wasn't easy getting out of my depression - It not only fueled my will to compose poems, it made me feel... Like I was meant for it... The gloom, darkness, sadness, etc etc etc... It all seemed to fit so well that I was beginning to feel that I was born to be in gloom - to help but never be helped, to serve but never to be served. It wasn't until HM (read previous blogs) came into my life that I started getting out of my gloom.

Now... She's stopped talking to me again... We had started talking again for a short period of time... Untill one day when I well... I went for a short performance by the choir I used to be in... The choir in which I met HM's sister (PS) and the choir in which I knew HM through... She was shocked and somehow, angry at me for going to their performance... I didn't understand... Why was she angry? She was really furious to know that I had attended one of ther promotional performances... I didn't understand...

Anyway later that night when I was home and online, she messaged me through ICQ yelling at me demanding to know why I was at their performance and what were my intentions... I didn't understand her at all... She was getting mad over something which I had no idea what she was talking about... Then she said that I'm stupid and she didn't want to talk to me again for that... For WHAT??? I didn't do anything wrong and here she was yelling about something I had no idea what...

Anyways... I told her to look at what she's saying, and why was she saying all those things when in fact I had done nothing wrong... She then confessed that she was really mad with her mother who seemed to have nagged at her non-stop for some time... She's always been mad and frustrated about that, and I guess this time it was a lot worse than before... Then she started complaining about her mom being horrid and etc etc...

Then when I tried to calm her down and telling her that her mom just wants what she thinks is good for her, she started yelling at me again and saying "SHE DOESN'T!!!" I guess she had just exploded and well... Everything didn't exactly go well... She just made up her mind that she's not gonna talk to me because I tried to reason her to see the way things were as a challenge, that her mom loves her and wants the best for her, that she has to calm down and try to see her own faults... She decided that I was just talking crap and said she never wanted to talk to me again... For that...

Either ways... I continued messaging her about what Jesus said, "God made a command that we love those who love us. Now I give unto you a new command - Love your enemies as you love yourself. For what reward is there in heaven if we only love those who love us." I sent many more words of encouragement and well... Words a good Chrisitan friend should send, I guess... I also messaged her, "You don't have to reply me if you don't want to. It's your choice, your way. I'm just trying to help you see what you're doing." Again with the 'you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to' part... Why am I always doing this...

So... There goes another good friend... Or was & would've-been good friend from a girlfriend... Somehow my relationships always tend to end with a 'never speak to each other again' syndrome... Why... I still want to be friends... I don't want enemies...

And there you have it... A stupid boy who makes the same mistakes over and over again and just keeps asking why and why... I just... Well... I read somewhere that the best way to give someone something is "give with your right hand and don't tell your left hand what your right is doing"... Basically means when you help or give, don't announce to the world that you are... "For God sees all things and you can be assured your reward lies in wait for you in heaven"...

I've been watching The Incredibles a few times over and over again (thanks to my 4-year-old sister) and well... I can say that I envy Rob (Mr. Incredible)'s family... He has a wife who loves him till the ends of the earth, two kids who appreciate and love him as their father and most of all, they forgive and understand him the most they can... Besides having fun with him all the time (of course, that's after he gets fired)... I can only wish to have suc a family... Especially a wife that cares, loves and does her best to understand part...

God... I don't know what plans you have for me in life... All I know is that I've never been a 'crowd' person and I've been moving against the tide since the day I received understanding of the world... I'm just... Indifferent... You made me that way God, I really want to know why... Really want to know why is it that the friends I long to have either never come or end up in a relationship that breaks and never communicates in good terms again... *sigh*

God, however, I thank you millions for bringing HM into my life and lifting me from my darkest times... I also thank you for meeting me up with SV... She's been a real blessing in disguise, and I'm really thankful to her for being there for me... Though I sometimes take her for granted... I wish to let You and SV know that I really appreciate You God for bringing her into my life, and SV for being there when no one else would... Thank you...