Feeling the brunt of being alone.

Yeah folks, you guessed it! It's DEPRESSION WAVE TIME!

For all those of you who don't know, this is the time where I, your host truly, ME AND MYSELF, get really depressed from being awake too long into the night and there's no one to really talk to because they're mostly all busy, and feels really really lonely!

that's right folks! It's the all too cliche episode of "HE IS RONERY!"

and now, fasten your seatbelts and wear your "emo" hats, as we plunge into

THE EMO WORLD OF ME!

...
...
...

Yeah. somehow that made me feel better. just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

I mustn't think about her. I can't appear too eager or I'll just scare her off like I scared the last one. I'll just appear too pushy and forceful that she'll just reject me outright.

Then there's that deep really deep fear of being rejected.

I've always brushed it off on the surface. I never knew that somehow, it really affected me badly on a deeper level. I didn't realise it before but after my wandering mind wandered across that subject, it just suddenly hit me; I'm afraid of being rejected. It's like being afraid of failing, but just worse.

Sheesh.

I still dream of being a really famous singer and/or actor. I still dream of really hitting the charts, and well... Just basking in the limelight of the stage. I'm a borderline intro/extrovert, and my social preference is with a close group of friends, rather than with a crowd. With my close group, I'm an extrovert but in a crowd, I revert back to being an introvert. Stupid huh.

I don't know.. My mind's a mess again. I'm thinking too much (like that's not common) and...

Well, I really wanna make a move on her. But she appears to be seeing someone, though I'm not sure about the relationship status. But I'm not in a proper financial state to even attempt dating. I barely even know her. My lack of msn during the daytime cuts me off from contacting her.

Blah. It's probably just another wild goose chase.

Me and my emotions.

gurh.

Now if SHE read this and realised I'm talking about her, I'd probably just excuse myself from her presence and go jump into a ditch and hope I break my neck or something.

Girls like emotionally secure and confident men. They don't want weeping babies.

I...

I could almost hate myself.

Btw Suyin, I loved your performance. I cried when you threw away the gun. I was putting myself in your position and... Given the circumstances... I'd throw away the gun as well. but my reason would be because I swore I wouldn't kill myself, because there HAS to be some way I can do something for someone else within the time that I'm still alive.

It wouldn't be because I want to live.

It would be because I want someone else to live.

And that's why I cried. Because I... I can't find a reason for myself, a selfish reason, to want to be alive. I don't know how to cure that, and I don't know how to give myself a reason other than the one I already have.

anyway I'm over time. Gotta go sleep.

Gnite people.

Gnite God.

Gnite...