i feel old
and tired...
wait I AM tired -_-;;
Well, I feel old and tired...
Today, went to sparda's house to game.
When me n DA were about to leave, found this car parked horrendously, intruding badly into my carpark's area. DA instinctively checked the bumper for scratches. found a big one.
At first I thought it was an old scratch, though i wasn't too sure myself. Checked other car's front bumper and hey look, a conveniently placed scratch positioned at an almost perfect height.
Got the security guards in the condo (sparda's house is a condo) to check it out and get the owner of the vehicle to come down and explain him/herself.
I mean I get there are inconsiderate idiots in this world, but seriously. There was plenty of space on the other side too. What nonsense could have been going through this persons mind? No P too, so SHOULD be a proper driver. I mean c'mon, my GRANDMOTHER parks better than that; and I'm serious about that.
Not like it was going anywhere anyway. Apparently the owner of the car came down by coincidence after about 15-20 minutes in the car park after the guards came. I mean seriously, does it take that long to get the lot and house number and inform them about the current situation? With all the high tech these guards had like passcards and shizz, I'd have thought they could've gone up and called the owner up in like 5. Seriously. And better yet, they looked like they just came down, about to go off. Did the guards even call them down?
It was a female driver. Of course she denied the whole thing. What with her amazing parking skills and all, and evidence to boot. She denies whole thing, and of course, husband supports her with "I know my wife, she won't lie". Wow, what an incredibly testimony. I'd like to try using that in court too. "I know this dude. He doesn't lie." What's wrong with the police and the world? These people don't lie man. Court cases would waste so much less time if everyone just supported with "I know this bugger, he don't lie".
Then she points to one of the guards and says that he helped lower the pylon in the middle to allow her to park, and said he was there the entire time. He himself denies the fact that he was there, and said that he had driven off on his bike after he had lowered it for her. The couple started spouting nonsense that if he had been around while she parked, he would've heard a crash sound, or seen the car jolt. Dude. My bumper is PLASTIC THAT BENDS, forcing it to alter shape slowly WILL NOT MAKE A SOUND. That and the guard said HE WASN'T THERE TO WITNESS ANYTHING. What's your problem?
After a mountain of denying and saying "I just drove straight in, I didn't hit your car", "that scratch has been there for a long time" and "the guard (that had apparently gone off) was here", they call the person they were visiting earlier, who apparently was this woman's father, down.
Now things start to get stupid. He comes and says as well, that his daughter won't lie about this. So she'll lie about other stuff? Or is everyone in this world gonna use that in court from now on?
Then he starts spouting nonsense like "the car's angle is like that, there's no way to hit your car and still park like that. What kind of stupid shit is that? Dude, you may be old, but I'm not an idiot who can't think. To this lousy reasoning, the son-in-law i presume, starts the car up to attempt to show that it was impossible. So he reverses out, and attempts to 'hit' my car, reverses, and reparks. As thought, it was impossible. Either because he was stupid, or doesn't know how to drive, so he decided to try again. 'Impact', and reverse. Then I instructed him to turn his wheel forward, go straight, then turn his wheel fully left, and drive in. Perfect parking, landing almost at the EXACT spot that the car was earlier on, albeit a little further into their own parking lot.
Since that was done, the son-in-law shut up for a while. What more could he say? He obviously knew that the 'impossible' was made possible; just with a little bit of EXPERIENCE IN DRIVING? HELLO? I'M NOT SOME DUMB NUT ALRIGHT?
Then the father starts spouting nonsense about "yaa, but then that scratch is a 'serious accident' scratch. your scratch is only minor." To this, I only had to show that my bumper was PLASTIC AND BENDS EASILY. It easily ABSORBS minor impact and lessens outer damage on itself. Can't say for the other car which had MUCH TOUGHER FIBRE THAT IS REALLY HARD, and oh yeah, has been in serious accidents may I add? Still, he continued to spout the nonsense about it impossible to have done that kind of damage. Did I mention I already made your 'impossible' possible just a moment ago, with the help of your son-in-law?
Then another security guard comes in. After being explained the situation to, he proceeds to rub his hands on the scratched up area. After claiming he felt no paint on the other car's end, he then says it's not this car's fault. Then the old man decides to harp on this newfound nonense, that yeah, if it was this car's fault, there would be paint. Dear people who think I'm a young idiot with no brains whatsoever, I'm sure that you've just witnessed this guard RUBBING his hands on the hit spots. Do you think it's IMPOSSIBLE (again) for a person to deliberately RUB ALL THE PAINT OFF? ANYONE, EVEN A CHILD would know how to hide a bad scratch by attempting to rub it off. What do you think I am, a sperm not even leaving his father's groin yet? HEY THIS IS GETING TO BE INSULTING TO MY INTELLECT ALRIGHT?
After that, (the rest of the guards had already left to continue duties, save for the new one), the husband starts spouting NEW nonsense by saying the only way she could've knocked into my car, would be if she reversed and reparked in the way he did, so all they have to do is re-call that security guard, and ask him if she had reversed. HELLO WERE YOU LISTENING EARLIER? WERE YOU DEAF OR HAVING SELECTIVE HEARING ON? HE SAID HE WASN'T AROUND TO SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING, WHICH PART OF THAT DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? OR IS ENGLISH AND MALAY TOO HARD FOR YOUR BRAIN TO COMPUTE? Which besides, if he really intended to continue harping on that fact, I was incredibly tempted to just tell him to give me his keys and let me do it and demonstrate to them exactly how EASY IT IS to hit a car at that angle and to continue DRIVING IN WITHOUT REVERSING. Old man agrees it's impossible without reversing. again. Hey, do you people never learn or what? And I thought humans were supposed to be smart?
Last but not least, "why would a person scratch your car, and park their car here and remain a scapegoat?". For one, the pass that they had in their car was an LG2 pass, meaning the visitor can ONLY park at LG2. This is part of the condo's security system. "oh can park at LG3 also, they won't mind". Yeah, and I'm sure screwing up your office systems would be fine as well, and your bosses 'won't mind'.
For two, don't tell me you've never heard of people shooting other people, then waiting there to be caught? Yeah, heard of psychos? Plenty of them in America (I actually shot this back at him, I was getting annoyed at all the nonsense they were bringing up. so much for being adults with brains). Oh heard o the documentary called "Bowling for collumbine"? This kid who apparently had problems in class came in one day and shot a whole bunch of teachers and kids before shooting himself in the head. Oh yeah heard of that college that had a student run in with a gun and killing a whole bunch of people and just sitting there waiting to be caught? Wow, guess you don't read the papers huh? I actually shot this back at him just to see his response, for shooting an incredibly lame reason that held no water. He laughed nervously; and that was all he could do, before attempting to bring it up again later.
For three, I peeked at the contents of the car before they came, just to get a gist of who drove it. In it was a cane. Immediately, it was obvious it was a disciplinary teacher. Either that or this couple canes their kids wherever they go; which sadly wasn't the case since they didn't seem to have one. So discipline teacher it was. And with the kind of tone, carefully chosen words, body language and straight facial expression, I knew it was the lady (besides the fact that revealed through conversation she was the one who drove in here by herself). After things started getting a bit further down the road, she completely shut up and let her husband and her father do the talking; obviously showing she was getting nervous, meaning she hadn't had a built up wall of emotional resistance for any situation, which means she's a primary school discipline teacher (because 2ndary school discipline teachers HAVE to be really tough and have a strong will and INCREDIBLY straight face that NOTHING can break). Discipline teachers, are probably the highest on the list of 'probability of psychological disturbance', simply because they're caning kids. And what's more it's not their own kid they're caning, they're caning OTHER people's kids. There's that chance of getting sued by random parents. To add to that, these are PRIMARY SCHOOLERS, kids who barely know the difference between right and wrong, and are just trying to have fun all the time. ANY disciplinary teacher in a primary school will EASILY face psychological problems, because of the nature of their work. I can immediately tell you that there is a possibility of her having a psychological problem NONE of them even know about, judging by THAT alone; it's as simple as that. You wanna tell me what kind of person will in a state of nervousness and psychological unsteadiness NOT behave silly and be a scapegoat?
Puh-lease you may be an old man with "many experiences in car accidents" as claimed, and you may be a married working adult, but NONE of you can come up with a good enough explanation that would HOLD WATER IN COURT AGAINST HARD EVIDENCE WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY SHOWN BY THE SCRATCHES ON BOTH CARS. PLUS the fact that the car was parked in SUCH a beautiful angle in which half of the entire TYRE of your left butt was IN my parking zone, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO BE IN A RUSH GETTING IN, PLUS THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE TO MOVE AND TO PARK, AND YOU'RE NOT A [P]REMATURE DRIVER, which stupid idiot WOULDN'T point to your car and say it's your fault? Old man tries to deny that the tyre was so far in, I held back so badly and raised my voice a little in a straight tone, stating that ALL the other guards here earlier can attest to the fact that THAT TYRE WAS MORE THAN INTRUDING INTO MY PARKING ZONE.
Every single bit of nonsense they had spouted, I had a SOLID counter-argument to it. And my counter-arguments weren't just baseless statements about 'this person doesn't lie'. I HAVE PROOF THAT WILL SHOOT BACK AT YOU IN COURT. What've you got? Impossibles that I can 'make' possible? Wow, at this rate I'm gonna be hailed as a god, making impossible things possible. Sheesh.
Yes yes CSY, I'm getting to the point of this long ridiculous post. And yes as you expected, it shoots back at myself. Feel like cursing myself for always looking at faults that I have before looking at others. Always kicks me back down and makes me feel horrible. It's like I can never win, and whatever battle I fight it's always a losing battle because in the end it's always my fault.
Anyway
Earlier as I peeked at the contents of the car (DA peeked first), I saw christian books on the passenger seat. Furthermore there was a Christian church camp T-shirt covering the passenger seat, one that I recognized from a friend's church (it was a double church camp, so 2 church names on the T-shirt). So obviously, either this person is a really tough anti-christ working hard at research, or is a Christian (i guess I had to go with the most likely. duh). That in itself took down most of my early fighting spirit to get this person to own up. I had already set an amount in my mind (a reasonable amount of RM100 for a repainting job, it's close to being the bare minimum), and had started preparing counter arguments for the situation. But knowing it was a Christian, I... Just couldn't think about trying to push it. Of course, I'd have wished the person would just own up and apologise and negotiate a fee; and had partially hoped that as a Christian, the person would offer that without any problems.
But when the lady came with her husband and started going like a typical malaysian "nonono i didn't do it it's not my fault", my guard against myself slowly dropped. I kept my cool and attempted to slowly watch and see how things would play through, but as the woman and her husband (and later the woman's father) started spouting more and more nonsense, I lost it all and had lost my cool. If you gave me a good argument to go by, I'd probably accept it and try to re-think about how to assess the situation. Or if you assessed the situation and slowly played it out by saying "I'm sorry about your car, but the scratch on mine has been on it for a while, and I'm not the cause of your scratch; I apologise for my poor parking, and I know it looks very misleading, but all I can offer is my assurance on it, that I did not do it, and if you really cannot believe me about it, we'll just have to report the situation to the police", then I'd be taken in not only by the confidence in saying such words and relying on nothing but giving the truth, but I'd also have to re-asses the situation, question my confidence in whether things would play out my way, and reconsider my actions and reactions.
But all they could offer was nonsense, nonsense, and more nonsense. I really really HATE it when people attempt to make a desperate attack at my intelligence level to the point of insulting me thinking I'm some half-idiot that was born in a ditch and raised in a water well. The moment that happens, more often than not I'll lose my guard and my cool, and go all out showing these people just how much of a 'brainless twit' I really am. Yes I really hate it when you attempt to make me think that my assumptions will NEVER be correct simply because I'm stupid. I don't just assume for the heck of it, I do so with reason and with experience in the matter. If I just assume without much fact to back myself up, I will ALWAYS tell you that that's just the surface level of what I think atm, I can't offer more cuz I don't know much about it. Ask ANYONE whom I talk to, they will tell you that my 'guesses', besides being quite correct at most times, are always based on fact and/or experience, and if I have insufficient data to use, I will ALWAYS say so.
Either ways... It was getting late, and I was getting really hungry (8.45pm). I told the husband that I'll take their word for it, DA asked them to move their car so he could get in, and we left just like that. I didn't want to make a report over a scratch, and it was obvious they wouldn't be paying for the damages, so no point attempting to delay even further.
At the start and the end of the whole thing, I had silently prayed to God, asking Him what I should do.
Didn't get an answer. Or if He DID answer, I'm probably so horrible in the heavenly sights that I'm deaf to His voice. Either ways, when she said she didn't do it the first time, my heart had already sank and I knew I wouldn't be asking her to pay for the damages. Even after I lost my cool and all, I still remembered that I probably still wouldn't be asking for payment; simply because she was a Christian. And if the person, Christian or not owned up at the very start, if he/she didn't have the amount in hand, I'd probably have refused payment at all. Call it being stupid (I'm sure one person in the house will definitely call me that regardless of reason), call it being an idiot, I guess I just succumb easily to honesty. Sure I'd get the family into deep hell for a week or so, but if it was to repay this person's honesty of owning up right from the start without even so much as an argument, I'd do it.
Coming to that. My main problem here wasn't having that scratch on my car. Heck I have plenty of other scratches on my rear bumper.
The main problem was the baka yarou at home that I'd have to face. I've already made the family suffer enough from him and his male ego dimwit fatalfury and numbnut actions. The reason I ignore him is because the more I do so, the less the family gets into a state of despair from his baseless accusations and expert capabilities of bringing non-related incidents (and people) into the fray. A close friend once asked me why I acted dumb and stupid in front of him to make him distrust my capabilities and intelligence so much. After getting that long naglecture and shelling from my dad for making him buy a new power coupling for the PC and STILL not being able to fix it, he realised; it's to make him to stop asking me to do stuff. The moment I make the slightest mistake possible, I'd hear it for half the day, and he'll use it to haunt me for the rest of my life. So if I pretend to have inferior capabilities, he won't ask me to do or fix anything, I stay OUT of the fray, and I reduce the shrapnel that flies and bounces off these four walls.
I realised it I guess. I have a fear of him. Not a fear of being lectured or nagged or yelled at or being physically abused; oh no. All of his basless arguments, I can easily reply in a normal speaking tone without much thought. They aren't really intelligent arguments anyway, just really stupid ones which I can counter with even MORE stupid, but still possible and workable arguments. I have confidence that I can out-argue him without fail. And when I say that, I say that with facts that will back me up and prove me right.
No. I am afraid I'll pull the family, especially my mother, into things. Since he never talks to be anymore, any insults he hurls at me are directed in a third person form, speaking bad about me TO my mother whilst I'm obviously within earshot. If you think that's low, he KNOWS I love my mother dearly, and proceeds to scold and harrass her to get me to do the things he wants me to do everytime something happens. Everything that's 'my fault', the wrath is directed to my mother.
Of course that doesn't take into account for things about my sister and maid, since the moment he gets mad, he scolds everyone other than me and my sister (sister's only when it's at the extreme), which be my mother and maid. When my maid messes up, the maid and my mom gets yelled at. When my sister messes up, he'll scold my mom for not teaching her properly, and get her to fix things. If my sister REALLY makes him angry to the extreme, even if my mom's not around, he'll badmouth about my mom to my maid, insult me within earshot, even if he's talking to no one in particular. Oh and by then, he'll be scolding my sister.
My sister of course, takes the cake. She loves our mom and me, respects the both of us (though I sometimes think she respects me more, as things that my mom asks her to do and when she dallies, 1 word from me and she'll do it albeit reluctantly), and has little respect for her father. I can clearly see his frustration in his daughter. He gives her loads of stuff and allows loads of things for her. He goes out of his way to do things for her, and breaks his own rules for her. He gives her the world, and barely attempts to instil discipline in her. And in return, she has no respect for him, talks back at him, scolds him, and doesn't really listen to his commands. Call me evil, but everytime an incident like this happens, if I'm upstairs in my room, I purposely leave the door open to hear every single thing. It's bad I know, but I feel a certain satisfaction in knowing that my sister loves and respects me more than she does for him.
I love my mother. I just don't get why it's hard for me to express my feelings for her to her. Blah. Like he says, I'm a stupid idiot anyway. Gotta live up to expectations. Heh.
At any rate, it's 5am. Mom just went up to her prayer room (alt tabbed haha). Not like that'll do anything anyway, she'll read my blog sooner or later. And it'll hurt her to know of my hatred for him. Then there'll be a series of self-degrading stupid nonsensical untruths that will (or may) follow her thought process. We're just not positive about ourself. Runs n the family I guess, my grandmother's the same too -___- Another generational curse? lol.
I just wanna say though, sorry CSY, if I've been a bit harsh to you in this post. But I really can't stand it when you counter my rants and thoughts by implying that I have an inferior mind like "How do you know this and this and that? You don't think that can happen? Who are you to think that won't happen? Who are you to say this about this person?". Yes I know that there are other possibilities and I won't deny that its possible for them to happen. But like I said, if I guess at something, I don't just guess, I use data, facts, and experience from myself and other people to guess. It's not a groundless guess, I have my support on it.
However, I'm not saying don't remind me to come back to earth; you're the the only Christian person I know who still does, and I REALLY appreciate it, I really do, you don't know how much I do. I need you to remind me to not over push myself too high. But you already know I'm a rather pessimistic person when it comes to my own self-worth. These are the only times where I can speak with confidence; to have them so directly crushed and stomped on just like that when I thought I was letting go some of these pented up feelings to a friend really hurts and gets to me. I've been able to endure and not get mad about it though, when it's you. I don't know why, I guess I just have some high chair for you to sit on and do as you please ahaha.
All I'm asking is, please, do be a little more gentle. My emotions and psychological state is already a huge mess held together by this annoying steel wire called sanity and responsibility towards those who still care for me and the people I can bless with what's left of me. As you've heard, if you were nicer, you'd be really datable. And really, that's just a nice way of asking you to lessen on the mean gestures. Jokes and friendly insults are fine, but when it's about serious matters, it can really hurt.
Please don't shun away from me either. But as a friend, I need you to know that it hurts, and I really hope you'll understand that. I guess I've told you before... But I still need to tell you. I love you, as a friend, and I really do care for you, and I really want the utmost best for you. I'm sorry I've been slacking in my prayer life, but when I do pray, especially recently, I remember you and your situation at home in my prayers. I want better for you, I sincerely do. At this point, you deserve it. You deserve more than I deserve in my current living life. At least to me, you do.
God
...
I'm sorry I've been having doubts about it.
But the next time there's a baptism class
I think I wanna start preparing myself to take it again.
Even though I've gone through foundation 101... 3-4 times.
Suyin told me that nobody is ever ready. Taking that step is a step of faith, and the will to change in my heart for You is what will make me ready.
It's gonna be more than a range of mountains to traverse across to 'prepare' myself for this, knowing the goals and bars that I've set for myself before being ready for baptism.
But the next time there's one
I promise
With my all that I have on the line
With what's left of this ridiculour life I've been leading
I'll do my best, and even force myself to get ready
Because when Suyin, the angel on earth You've sent to me isn't around to kick me
I gotta kick me myself.
And if my methods are wrong
if my direction is somehow swayed
I believe, with all my heart, and trust
that You will lead me back to the right path.
This is my conviction in my faith.
For as long as I am willing
You will never leave or forsake me.
Also, when it happens, I do hope Suyin will be able to make it to see me. It doesn't seem to be much to me being a christian for so many years...
But if it means a lot to her, then the least I can do as gratitude for standing by me, is sharing this moment with her.
There ain't no other Christian friend I'd really want to share it with anyway.
Thanks God
for promising to never abandon me.
Oh yeah
And thank you for bringing me into this world, on this very day, 24 years ago. It is You who breathed life into me and have guided my path.
Goodnight.
wait I AM tired -_-;;
Well, I feel old and tired...
Today, went to sparda's house to game.
When me n DA were about to leave, found this car parked horrendously, intruding badly into my carpark's area. DA instinctively checked the bumper for scratches. found a big one.
At first I thought it was an old scratch, though i wasn't too sure myself. Checked other car's front bumper and hey look, a conveniently placed scratch positioned at an almost perfect height.
Got the security guards in the condo (sparda's house is a condo) to check it out and get the owner of the vehicle to come down and explain him/herself.
I mean I get there are inconsiderate idiots in this world, but seriously. There was plenty of space on the other side too. What nonsense could have been going through this persons mind? No P too, so SHOULD be a proper driver. I mean c'mon, my GRANDMOTHER parks better than that; and I'm serious about that.
Not like it was going anywhere anyway. Apparently the owner of the car came down by coincidence after about 15-20 minutes in the car park after the guards came. I mean seriously, does it take that long to get the lot and house number and inform them about the current situation? With all the high tech these guards had like passcards and shizz, I'd have thought they could've gone up and called the owner up in like 5. Seriously. And better yet, they looked like they just came down, about to go off. Did the guards even call them down?
It was a female driver. Of course she denied the whole thing. What with her amazing parking skills and all, and evidence to boot. She denies whole thing, and of course, husband supports her with "I know my wife, she won't lie". Wow, what an incredibly testimony. I'd like to try using that in court too. "I know this dude. He doesn't lie." What's wrong with the police and the world? These people don't lie man. Court cases would waste so much less time if everyone just supported with "I know this bugger, he don't lie".
Then she points to one of the guards and says that he helped lower the pylon in the middle to allow her to park, and said he was there the entire time. He himself denies the fact that he was there, and said that he had driven off on his bike after he had lowered it for her. The couple started spouting nonsense that if he had been around while she parked, he would've heard a crash sound, or seen the car jolt. Dude. My bumper is PLASTIC THAT BENDS, forcing it to alter shape slowly WILL NOT MAKE A SOUND. That and the guard said HE WASN'T THERE TO WITNESS ANYTHING. What's your problem?
After a mountain of denying and saying "I just drove straight in, I didn't hit your car", "that scratch has been there for a long time" and "the guard (that had apparently gone off) was here", they call the person they were visiting earlier, who apparently was this woman's father, down.
Now things start to get stupid. He comes and says as well, that his daughter won't lie about this. So she'll lie about other stuff? Or is everyone in this world gonna use that in court from now on?
Then he starts spouting nonsense like "the car's angle is like that, there's no way to hit your car and still park like that. What kind of stupid shit is that? Dude, you may be old, but I'm not an idiot who can't think. To this lousy reasoning, the son-in-law i presume, starts the car up to attempt to show that it was impossible. So he reverses out, and attempts to 'hit' my car, reverses, and reparks. As thought, it was impossible. Either because he was stupid, or doesn't know how to drive, so he decided to try again. 'Impact', and reverse. Then I instructed him to turn his wheel forward, go straight, then turn his wheel fully left, and drive in. Perfect parking, landing almost at the EXACT spot that the car was earlier on, albeit a little further into their own parking lot.
Since that was done, the son-in-law shut up for a while. What more could he say? He obviously knew that the 'impossible' was made possible; just with a little bit of EXPERIENCE IN DRIVING? HELLO? I'M NOT SOME DUMB NUT ALRIGHT?
Then the father starts spouting nonsense about "yaa, but then that scratch is a 'serious accident' scratch. your scratch is only minor." To this, I only had to show that my bumper was PLASTIC AND BENDS EASILY. It easily ABSORBS minor impact and lessens outer damage on itself. Can't say for the other car which had MUCH TOUGHER FIBRE THAT IS REALLY HARD, and oh yeah, has been in serious accidents may I add? Still, he continued to spout the nonsense about it impossible to have done that kind of damage. Did I mention I already made your 'impossible' possible just a moment ago, with the help of your son-in-law?
Then another security guard comes in. After being explained the situation to, he proceeds to rub his hands on the scratched up area. After claiming he felt no paint on the other car's end, he then says it's not this car's fault. Then the old man decides to harp on this newfound nonense, that yeah, if it was this car's fault, there would be paint. Dear people who think I'm a young idiot with no brains whatsoever, I'm sure that you've just witnessed this guard RUBBING his hands on the hit spots. Do you think it's IMPOSSIBLE (again) for a person to deliberately RUB ALL THE PAINT OFF? ANYONE, EVEN A CHILD would know how to hide a bad scratch by attempting to rub it off. What do you think I am, a sperm not even leaving his father's groin yet? HEY THIS IS GETING TO BE INSULTING TO MY INTELLECT ALRIGHT?
After that, (the rest of the guards had already left to continue duties, save for the new one), the husband starts spouting NEW nonsense by saying the only way she could've knocked into my car, would be if she reversed and reparked in the way he did, so all they have to do is re-call that security guard, and ask him if she had reversed. HELLO WERE YOU LISTENING EARLIER? WERE YOU DEAF OR HAVING SELECTIVE HEARING ON? HE SAID HE WASN'T AROUND TO SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING, WHICH PART OF THAT DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? OR IS ENGLISH AND MALAY TOO HARD FOR YOUR BRAIN TO COMPUTE? Which besides, if he really intended to continue harping on that fact, I was incredibly tempted to just tell him to give me his keys and let me do it and demonstrate to them exactly how EASY IT IS to hit a car at that angle and to continue DRIVING IN WITHOUT REVERSING. Old man agrees it's impossible without reversing. again. Hey, do you people never learn or what? And I thought humans were supposed to be smart?
Last but not least, "why would a person scratch your car, and park their car here and remain a scapegoat?". For one, the pass that they had in their car was an LG2 pass, meaning the visitor can ONLY park at LG2. This is part of the condo's security system. "oh can park at LG3 also, they won't mind". Yeah, and I'm sure screwing up your office systems would be fine as well, and your bosses 'won't mind'.
For two, don't tell me you've never heard of people shooting other people, then waiting there to be caught? Yeah, heard of psychos? Plenty of them in America (I actually shot this back at him, I was getting annoyed at all the nonsense they were bringing up. so much for being adults with brains). Oh heard o the documentary called "Bowling for collumbine"? This kid who apparently had problems in class came in one day and shot a whole bunch of teachers and kids before shooting himself in the head. Oh yeah heard of that college that had a student run in with a gun and killing a whole bunch of people and just sitting there waiting to be caught? Wow, guess you don't read the papers huh? I actually shot this back at him just to see his response, for shooting an incredibly lame reason that held no water. He laughed nervously; and that was all he could do, before attempting to bring it up again later.
For three, I peeked at the contents of the car before they came, just to get a gist of who drove it. In it was a cane. Immediately, it was obvious it was a disciplinary teacher. Either that or this couple canes their kids wherever they go; which sadly wasn't the case since they didn't seem to have one. So discipline teacher it was. And with the kind of tone, carefully chosen words, body language and straight facial expression, I knew it was the lady (besides the fact that revealed through conversation she was the one who drove in here by herself). After things started getting a bit further down the road, she completely shut up and let her husband and her father do the talking; obviously showing she was getting nervous, meaning she hadn't had a built up wall of emotional resistance for any situation, which means she's a primary school discipline teacher (because 2ndary school discipline teachers HAVE to be really tough and have a strong will and INCREDIBLY straight face that NOTHING can break). Discipline teachers, are probably the highest on the list of 'probability of psychological disturbance', simply because they're caning kids. And what's more it's not their own kid they're caning, they're caning OTHER people's kids. There's that chance of getting sued by random parents. To add to that, these are PRIMARY SCHOOLERS, kids who barely know the difference between right and wrong, and are just trying to have fun all the time. ANY disciplinary teacher in a primary school will EASILY face psychological problems, because of the nature of their work. I can immediately tell you that there is a possibility of her having a psychological problem NONE of them even know about, judging by THAT alone; it's as simple as that. You wanna tell me what kind of person will in a state of nervousness and psychological unsteadiness NOT behave silly and be a scapegoat?
Puh-lease you may be an old man with "many experiences in car accidents" as claimed, and you may be a married working adult, but NONE of you can come up with a good enough explanation that would HOLD WATER IN COURT AGAINST HARD EVIDENCE WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY SHOWN BY THE SCRATCHES ON BOTH CARS. PLUS the fact that the car was parked in SUCH a beautiful angle in which half of the entire TYRE of your left butt was IN my parking zone, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO BE IN A RUSH GETTING IN, PLUS THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE TO MOVE AND TO PARK, AND YOU'RE NOT A [P]REMATURE DRIVER, which stupid idiot WOULDN'T point to your car and say it's your fault? Old man tries to deny that the tyre was so far in, I held back so badly and raised my voice a little in a straight tone, stating that ALL the other guards here earlier can attest to the fact that THAT TYRE WAS MORE THAN INTRUDING INTO MY PARKING ZONE.
Every single bit of nonsense they had spouted, I had a SOLID counter-argument to it. And my counter-arguments weren't just baseless statements about 'this person doesn't lie'. I HAVE PROOF THAT WILL SHOOT BACK AT YOU IN COURT. What've you got? Impossibles that I can 'make' possible? Wow, at this rate I'm gonna be hailed as a god, making impossible things possible. Sheesh.
Yes yes CSY, I'm getting to the point of this long ridiculous post. And yes as you expected, it shoots back at myself. Feel like cursing myself for always looking at faults that I have before looking at others. Always kicks me back down and makes me feel horrible. It's like I can never win, and whatever battle I fight it's always a losing battle because in the end it's always my fault.
Anyway
Earlier as I peeked at the contents of the car (DA peeked first), I saw christian books on the passenger seat. Furthermore there was a Christian church camp T-shirt covering the passenger seat, one that I recognized from a friend's church (it was a double church camp, so 2 church names on the T-shirt). So obviously, either this person is a really tough anti-christ working hard at research, or is a Christian (i guess I had to go with the most likely. duh). That in itself took down most of my early fighting spirit to get this person to own up. I had already set an amount in my mind (a reasonable amount of RM100 for a repainting job, it's close to being the bare minimum), and had started preparing counter arguments for the situation. But knowing it was a Christian, I... Just couldn't think about trying to push it. Of course, I'd have wished the person would just own up and apologise and negotiate a fee; and had partially hoped that as a Christian, the person would offer that without any problems.
But when the lady came with her husband and started going like a typical malaysian "nonono i didn't do it it's not my fault", my guard against myself slowly dropped. I kept my cool and attempted to slowly watch and see how things would play through, but as the woman and her husband (and later the woman's father) started spouting more and more nonsense, I lost it all and had lost my cool. If you gave me a good argument to go by, I'd probably accept it and try to re-think about how to assess the situation. Or if you assessed the situation and slowly played it out by saying "I'm sorry about your car, but the scratch on mine has been on it for a while, and I'm not the cause of your scratch; I apologise for my poor parking, and I know it looks very misleading, but all I can offer is my assurance on it, that I did not do it, and if you really cannot believe me about it, we'll just have to report the situation to the police", then I'd be taken in not only by the confidence in saying such words and relying on nothing but giving the truth, but I'd also have to re-asses the situation, question my confidence in whether things would play out my way, and reconsider my actions and reactions.
But all they could offer was nonsense, nonsense, and more nonsense. I really really HATE it when people attempt to make a desperate attack at my intelligence level to the point of insulting me thinking I'm some half-idiot that was born in a ditch and raised in a water well. The moment that happens, more often than not I'll lose my guard and my cool, and go all out showing these people just how much of a 'brainless twit' I really am. Yes I really hate it when you attempt to make me think that my assumptions will NEVER be correct simply because I'm stupid. I don't just assume for the heck of it, I do so with reason and with experience in the matter. If I just assume without much fact to back myself up, I will ALWAYS tell you that that's just the surface level of what I think atm, I can't offer more cuz I don't know much about it. Ask ANYONE whom I talk to, they will tell you that my 'guesses', besides being quite correct at most times, are always based on fact and/or experience, and if I have insufficient data to use, I will ALWAYS say so.
Either ways... It was getting late, and I was getting really hungry (8.45pm). I told the husband that I'll take their word for it, DA asked them to move their car so he could get in, and we left just like that. I didn't want to make a report over a scratch, and it was obvious they wouldn't be paying for the damages, so no point attempting to delay even further.
At the start and the end of the whole thing, I had silently prayed to God, asking Him what I should do.
Didn't get an answer. Or if He DID answer, I'm probably so horrible in the heavenly sights that I'm deaf to His voice. Either ways, when she said she didn't do it the first time, my heart had already sank and I knew I wouldn't be asking her to pay for the damages. Even after I lost my cool and all, I still remembered that I probably still wouldn't be asking for payment; simply because she was a Christian. And if the person, Christian or not owned up at the very start, if he/she didn't have the amount in hand, I'd probably have refused payment at all. Call it being stupid (I'm sure one person in the house will definitely call me that regardless of reason), call it being an idiot, I guess I just succumb easily to honesty. Sure I'd get the family into deep hell for a week or so, but if it was to repay this person's honesty of owning up right from the start without even so much as an argument, I'd do it.
Coming to that. My main problem here wasn't having that scratch on my car. Heck I have plenty of other scratches on my rear bumper.
The main problem was the baka yarou at home that I'd have to face. I've already made the family suffer enough from him and his male ego dimwit fatalfury and numbnut actions. The reason I ignore him is because the more I do so, the less the family gets into a state of despair from his baseless accusations and expert capabilities of bringing non-related incidents (and people) into the fray. A close friend once asked me why I acted dumb and stupid in front of him to make him distrust my capabilities and intelligence so much. After getting that long naglecture and shelling from my dad for making him buy a new power coupling for the PC and STILL not being able to fix it, he realised; it's to make him to stop asking me to do stuff. The moment I make the slightest mistake possible, I'd hear it for half the day, and he'll use it to haunt me for the rest of my life. So if I pretend to have inferior capabilities, he won't ask me to do or fix anything, I stay OUT of the fray, and I reduce the shrapnel that flies and bounces off these four walls.
I realised it I guess. I have a fear of him. Not a fear of being lectured or nagged or yelled at or being physically abused; oh no. All of his basless arguments, I can easily reply in a normal speaking tone without much thought. They aren't really intelligent arguments anyway, just really stupid ones which I can counter with even MORE stupid, but still possible and workable arguments. I have confidence that I can out-argue him without fail. And when I say that, I say that with facts that will back me up and prove me right.
No. I am afraid I'll pull the family, especially my mother, into things. Since he never talks to be anymore, any insults he hurls at me are directed in a third person form, speaking bad about me TO my mother whilst I'm obviously within earshot. If you think that's low, he KNOWS I love my mother dearly, and proceeds to scold and harrass her to get me to do the things he wants me to do everytime something happens. Everything that's 'my fault', the wrath is directed to my mother.
Of course that doesn't take into account for things about my sister and maid, since the moment he gets mad, he scolds everyone other than me and my sister (sister's only when it's at the extreme), which be my mother and maid. When my maid messes up, the maid and my mom gets yelled at. When my sister messes up, he'll scold my mom for not teaching her properly, and get her to fix things. If my sister REALLY makes him angry to the extreme, even if my mom's not around, he'll badmouth about my mom to my maid, insult me within earshot, even if he's talking to no one in particular. Oh and by then, he'll be scolding my sister.
My sister of course, takes the cake. She loves our mom and me, respects the both of us (though I sometimes think she respects me more, as things that my mom asks her to do and when she dallies, 1 word from me and she'll do it albeit reluctantly), and has little respect for her father. I can clearly see his frustration in his daughter. He gives her loads of stuff and allows loads of things for her. He goes out of his way to do things for her, and breaks his own rules for her. He gives her the world, and barely attempts to instil discipline in her. And in return, she has no respect for him, talks back at him, scolds him, and doesn't really listen to his commands. Call me evil, but everytime an incident like this happens, if I'm upstairs in my room, I purposely leave the door open to hear every single thing. It's bad I know, but I feel a certain satisfaction in knowing that my sister loves and respects me more than she does for him.
I love my mother. I just don't get why it's hard for me to express my feelings for her to her. Blah. Like he says, I'm a stupid idiot anyway. Gotta live up to expectations. Heh.
At any rate, it's 5am. Mom just went up to her prayer room (alt tabbed haha). Not like that'll do anything anyway, she'll read my blog sooner or later. And it'll hurt her to know of my hatred for him. Then there'll be a series of self-degrading stupid nonsensical untruths that will (or may) follow her thought process. We're just not positive about ourself. Runs n the family I guess, my grandmother's the same too -___- Another generational curse? lol.
I just wanna say though, sorry CSY, if I've been a bit harsh to you in this post. But I really can't stand it when you counter my rants and thoughts by implying that I have an inferior mind like "How do you know this and this and that? You don't think that can happen? Who are you to think that won't happen? Who are you to say this about this person?". Yes I know that there are other possibilities and I won't deny that its possible for them to happen. But like I said, if I guess at something, I don't just guess, I use data, facts, and experience from myself and other people to guess. It's not a groundless guess, I have my support on it.
However, I'm not saying don't remind me to come back to earth; you're the the only Christian person I know who still does, and I REALLY appreciate it, I really do, you don't know how much I do. I need you to remind me to not over push myself too high. But you already know I'm a rather pessimistic person when it comes to my own self-worth. These are the only times where I can speak with confidence; to have them so directly crushed and stomped on just like that when I thought I was letting go some of these pented up feelings to a friend really hurts and gets to me. I've been able to endure and not get mad about it though, when it's you. I don't know why, I guess I just have some high chair for you to sit on and do as you please ahaha.
All I'm asking is, please, do be a little more gentle. My emotions and psychological state is already a huge mess held together by this annoying steel wire called sanity and responsibility towards those who still care for me and the people I can bless with what's left of me. As you've heard, if you were nicer, you'd be really datable. And really, that's just a nice way of asking you to lessen on the mean gestures. Jokes and friendly insults are fine, but when it's about serious matters, it can really hurt.
Please don't shun away from me either. But as a friend, I need you to know that it hurts, and I really hope you'll understand that. I guess I've told you before... But I still need to tell you. I love you, as a friend, and I really do care for you, and I really want the utmost best for you. I'm sorry I've been slacking in my prayer life, but when I do pray, especially recently, I remember you and your situation at home in my prayers. I want better for you, I sincerely do. At this point, you deserve it. You deserve more than I deserve in my current living life. At least to me, you do.
God
...
I'm sorry I've been having doubts about it.
But the next time there's a baptism class
I think I wanna start preparing myself to take it again.
Even though I've gone through foundation 101... 3-4 times.
Suyin told me that nobody is ever ready. Taking that step is a step of faith, and the will to change in my heart for You is what will make me ready.
It's gonna be more than a range of mountains to traverse across to 'prepare' myself for this, knowing the goals and bars that I've set for myself before being ready for baptism.
But the next time there's one
I promise
With my all that I have on the line
With what's left of this ridiculour life I've been leading
I'll do my best, and even force myself to get ready
Because when Suyin, the angel on earth You've sent to me isn't around to kick me
I gotta kick me myself.
And if my methods are wrong
if my direction is somehow swayed
I believe, with all my heart, and trust
that You will lead me back to the right path.
This is my conviction in my faith.
For as long as I am willing
You will never leave or forsake me.
Also, when it happens, I do hope Suyin will be able to make it to see me. It doesn't seem to be much to me being a christian for so many years...
But if it means a lot to her, then the least I can do as gratitude for standing by me, is sharing this moment with her.
There ain't no other Christian friend I'd really want to share it with anyway.
Thanks God
for promising to never abandon me.
Oh yeah
And thank you for bringing me into this world, on this very day, 24 years ago. It is You who breathed life into me and have guided my path.
Goodnight.
posted by Liil Masks at 11:00 am
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