As I Watch Time

The world falls asleep
Not a sound does it make
Yet why at this time
Am I... Still awake?

Haven't updated in a while. Not much to update anyway; life's mostly boring for me.

miss wednesday... I can't seem to stop thinking about her. Every other random moment when I lose focus, she pops up in my mind (which be rather often since I can't really focus well).

Don't know what to make of it. Could be just another infatuation.

I just hope I don't do something stupid. Again. The last thing I want to do is ruin a friendship because of my stupidity. Which I have ruined a number.

"How can you love, when you don't understand Love?"

There are many things I need to set right.

But my body is either too afraid, or too lazy (most will probably tell me it's the latter) to change it. To get things moving.

No initiative. No motivation.

No ambition. No goals.

No future.

Who am I? But a flower quickly fading; here today and gone tomorrow. A wave, tossed in the ocean. A vapour in the wind.

Still... You hold me when I call. You catch me when I fall. You help me to stand tall.

Who am I...?

Can I... be... Yours...?

I'm sorry. For all the times I turned away. For all the times I spat and ran. For all the times... That I didn't step up to be the person I'm meant to be.

I'm a coward, afraid of facing life.

I am no one.

I make no difference.

Invisible.

Insignificant.

Bound.

Broken.

Torn.


Yet... You still reach out to me.

Why can't I just die alone... And drown in my sea of despair...? It feels right that way. I didn't want to be saved. Maybe deep down I did, but there are other people more worth saving than I. People who will do greater things than I ever could. People who would raise a revolution. People who would move nations.

But... You wouldn't let me.

And... You called to me anyway.

I was so ready to face the darkness of my world. Be engulfed by the raging calmness of my chaotic serenity.

You pulled me back.

Always.



I want to.... I want to leave my corner of the room. I want to go out and taste sunshine.

But I'm... Afraid. Afraid that as... You hold my hand...

You'll let go...

I know what has been said.

But that doesn't quell my doubts and fears.

So...

Please... Teach me.

Prove to me that everything that has been said...

Is true.

....please...



-bbt-