Being Made The Fool...

*sigh*


Guess what.

She's back with her ex.


M, the girl who ran away from her boyfriend because he had been treating her badly for the past 4 years, played with me, then ran right back into his arms.


As of for now, I can't decide if I'm too angry with the whole situation that my mind's so disturbed, or I'm just so upset that she really did what i foresaw would happen.

Or if I'm angry because I got played.


Now I know what it feels like to be played. Somehow, I feel angry to the point that my whole body's hot and sweating, even though the weather's just warm. Yet, I feel a deep hurt inside me that just tells me it isn't the kind of hurt that I've felt before... It's the kind of hurt that you just don't understand why it was put there...

*sigh* I don't even know what I keep doing wrong... Somehow, though I seriously do not believe in them... Those love chain letters that I've deleted (heaps of them) from my e-mail probably may actually be taking effect...



God... Though I read somewhere that Satan would not waste his time trying to get me down if I was not important to You... At times like this I really do feel unimportant to anyone... It's as if... Life would be better off without me...

What should I do... Please tell me... I'd rather be an Angel and have little to no free-will and freedom than to be a mortal human and to be given the choice to choose... At least I would be praising you every day and serving your will without hesitation... I wouldn't be the person I am now... I would be... More perfect than I ever could imagine myself to be...

God... Help me, I beg of You...