tired and breaking

hie

i'm tired, and my body's falling apart, i think

i'm not sick yet. though i really wish i would be just so sick that i couldn't get out of bed. it's been a while since i had that and i really want a break.

things have been stressful as of late. production in church is giving me the main stress... which is unbelievable that the stress i'm getting is wearing me down physically and emotionally.

i guess continually feeling that i've got close to zero talent in the thing i thought i could do the best is really the matter here. it may not be personal, but the words used are. i continually feel like i'm not doing enough, that i need to push myself to do more than i usually do.

it's good in a way. i haven't been pushed like this before, and it's great that i finally have to WORK to act well; to perform well.

but when i come home tired every day, finding little time even for myself, it gets really stressful. especially when you're handed more responsibilities and your management skills suck horribly.

i feel like i wanna just break down and cry.

but i can't.

i just can't.

if i said the reasons, i'd be told off. you don't understand. it's in the time, at this very moment. now. here.

all i need is 3 words. right now, right here. right next to me.

but circumstances tell that it won't and probably will never happen.

cuz it never happens when i'm with anyone. or the time is wrong.

i'll always be truthful. if i feel sucky, i'll say i feel sucky.

i just wish...

nah. wishful thinking. have to stop doing that and face the facts.

nobody stays close enough to drag me out for sudden random supper anyway. ahaha.

it's at times like these i really wish i had a sibling closer to my age. or even a twin. sister.

haha yeah, not over not feeling comfortable with guys yet. so it's a girl it's got to be. :P


anyway... muscle relaxant i took isn't working. i barely feel any less relaxed than before i took it. still i should go to bed.

oh, after i finish this Dynasty Warriors: Strike Force mission that I was halfway doing earlier. :P

Goodnight guys.


God...

Bless my blogreaders.

Good night.