Proposition, made proper

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6
Mind:	6.3
Body:	9
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	2.6
Love:	4.3
Finance:	3.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Hey look, a rate my life quiz thing!

Dunno, don't ask. Saw it somewhere.



Aaaaaaaaanyway....

I uh....



As the title says

I uh...


Made a fool out of myself. Yesterday.

Like. Totally.


I can flirt and all and look really good at it, I can give advice and everything

but I seriously need to work on...

on...

On my proposition skills.




Fine fine if you still don't get what I mean, I proposed yesterday okay? To a girl who's cute, lovable, sweet, huggable, smart (hey she can tell what's on my mind, that's good enough for me), she's hardworking, she's emotional (being emotional is only fun when there's someone to be emotional with)...

And most of all...

I don't know how to say this but I'll put it into words as best as I can... It's gonna sound saddistic though...


She's been through a lot of hurt in her life and it's been bunches of crap after the other...

And yet, I've been through some of the better things in life... At least things that I know she doesn't know and hasn't felt about before...

And... And I really want her to feel that in her life... That not everything is a piece of crap right after the other...

I want to be a blessing... An avatar of happiness... A vessel that brings joy from God to her... To brighten her life...

I want to be her Angel...



Well... She opted to take it slowly, and doesn't want to decide just yet.


However, she IS interested in starting something between us...


So... I got rejected, but accepted.


Oh wow. What a dilemma.


Either ways, it means I have a chance :) (And my method of asking was just so... ugh pathetic. Man how I wish I was flexible enough to kick myself... Aaaaaaahhhh!!!)

Her reason for giving such an answer is really because well, we hardly DO know each other (other than reading through each other's blogs... My goodness she reads really fast @@), so she'd prefer if we really took it slowly to get to know each other and to well, generally bond and learn more before getting into something serious. At least that's what I understand about it.


And well... Like I told her, I wouldn't trade the world for anything else. I know myself that I'm physical, and I go really fast on the physical side of relationships (if left unchecked and uncontrolled...), so I guess it'd be good for me too. I've asked her to tell me whenever she felt uncomfortable with whatever I might be doing, and if I sitll didn't seem to understand english, she's given the right to forcefully stop me in any (creative) way she deemed necessary... Hey, if I'm not listening, pain's the most universal understandable language, isn't it? (next to sex i guess, but in this context sex would be the wrong medium)


So I gues I should count my lucky stars and... Hey wait a sec, I don't care about lucky stars. No, I thank God that I've been given an opportunity to redeem myself from my past horrible ugly self and to love and care for someone again.

She asked me why did I choose to ask her, when I had been looking at so many girls in the past.

I answered: I'm a guy, my hormones are there, I can't stop them from getting me interested. But I CAN stop myself from initiatin anything. Just because I like what I see doesn't mean I should start a relationship. It should be liking a person BEYOND their looks, only then can I even allow myself to think about having a relationship. Physical relationships never last, but a relationship started on the foundations on understanding and loving a person rather than their physical body and how they dress, are the ones that truly flourish and bloom.

Yes I liked her and DID have a crush on her the first time I saw her, but it was through her journal and the feelings I felt when reading them, did I really begin to have feelings for her. So I took a step to hopefully lift her spirits up, and worked on it from there.

My aim? To make her happy. To make her glad. To make her joyful. To help her forget, or deal with the past hurts, and to hopefully heal the bleeding wounds within her heart.



All that and I couldn't even blurt a single romantic sentence when I spoke with her. Ugh. I'm better off writing romance novels and being a hermit.





Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhhhh.....

So yeah, there it is. After 2 years, I've decided that I've grown enough.

I just hope I have. I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt her like I hurt AM.





God...

I love You :D

I can finally say it! I love you!



And Jaslyn,

143

means

I Love You.

:)


God bless my blogreaders, Jaslyn, Ben, Ivan and Jun.

Love ya'll :D