Unfulfillment
Am I that much of a disappointment to everyone...?
Why must I feel so badly for everytime someone's disappointed in me...?
I want to just brush it all off, and not care a single bit about what people say...
Though I do that often... I really never do... I've only acted as if they never really matter... But I know, deep down I'm really taking it in...
Dissatisfaction, discouragement, mistake, calamity, unfulfillment...
Disappointment...
I've hidden so much of my own feelings, supressed quite a number of things...
Just to be... Fulfulling for her...
Just so that I won't disappoint her...
But what about me...?
Am I supposed to... Just hide all of these... These... Things I'm not really happy about... And continue as if they don't exist...?
Or maybe... Maybe I'm just asking too much... Expecting too much... Or expecting at all...?
My emotions are so easilly hurt... Not that I want them to, but they just are... And I get hurt by simple words, small changes in the tones of voice... Small actions... All of which may not even mean anything...
I'm tired of asking why... I want to know why, but I can never seem to get the answer why...
I'd like to ask "How do I improve on this?"... But in the end, I'm always the one trying to improve, trying to make everyone happy, trying to not get into everyone's way, trying to not get anyone annoyed, watching my words when talking to anyone and everyone...
When is it my turn to have people putting in the extra effort just to ensure I'm not hurt...?
At the rate life is going...
Probably... Never...
Is that... My fate...?
God...
I... I'm losing love for myself again...
I know I always say things that make me sound like I'm so extremely proud and loving myself...
But the truth of the matter is that... I don't feel like I really DO love myself...
I'm always... Not enough for someone's standards... Always insulting someone... Always annoying someone... Always hurting someone...
And with all that, I can never seem to truly be of a good person to anyone without annoying or hurting them...
God...
How did Jesus feel like, emotionally, when everyone He blessed, healed, loved, cared for and shared with... Turned against Him on the cross...?
For some reason... I'd like to try feeling that...
And hope it's enough to overcome my willpower that stops myself from being suicidal...
But that's not Christian-like...
Suicide would just kick me straight to hell...
God...
Please...
Lift my spirits...
With everyone going at my emotional self over and over again...
I can't defend myself enough to be able to stand up the next day anymore...
I need Your help...
Help me, please...
God bless Jaslyn, Benny, Ivan, and Jun
And of course, my blogreaders... If there are any left...
Why must I feel so badly for everytime someone's disappointed in me...?
I want to just brush it all off, and not care a single bit about what people say...
Though I do that often... I really never do... I've only acted as if they never really matter... But I know, deep down I'm really taking it in...
Dissatisfaction, discouragement, mistake, calamity, unfulfillment...
Disappointment...
I've hidden so much of my own feelings, supressed quite a number of things...
Just to be... Fulfulling for her...
Just so that I won't disappoint her...
But what about me...?
Am I supposed to... Just hide all of these... These... Things I'm not really happy about... And continue as if they don't exist...?
Or maybe... Maybe I'm just asking too much... Expecting too much... Or expecting at all...?
My emotions are so easilly hurt... Not that I want them to, but they just are... And I get hurt by simple words, small changes in the tones of voice... Small actions... All of which may not even mean anything...
I'm tired of asking why... I want to know why, but I can never seem to get the answer why...
I'd like to ask "How do I improve on this?"... But in the end, I'm always the one trying to improve, trying to make everyone happy, trying to not get into everyone's way, trying to not get anyone annoyed, watching my words when talking to anyone and everyone...
When is it my turn to have people putting in the extra effort just to ensure I'm not hurt...?
At the rate life is going...
Probably... Never...
Is that... My fate...?
God...
I... I'm losing love for myself again...
I know I always say things that make me sound like I'm so extremely proud and loving myself...
But the truth of the matter is that... I don't feel like I really DO love myself...
I'm always... Not enough for someone's standards... Always insulting someone... Always annoying someone... Always hurting someone...
And with all that, I can never seem to truly be of a good person to anyone without annoying or hurting them...
God...
How did Jesus feel like, emotionally, when everyone He blessed, healed, loved, cared for and shared with... Turned against Him on the cross...?
For some reason... I'd like to try feeling that...
And hope it's enough to overcome my willpower that stops myself from being suicidal...
But that's not Christian-like...
Suicide would just kick me straight to hell...
God...
Please...
Lift my spirits...
With everyone going at my emotional self over and over again...
I can't defend myself enough to be able to stand up the next day anymore...
I need Your help...
Help me, please...
God bless Jaslyn, Benny, Ivan, and Jun
And of course, my blogreaders... If there are any left...
posted by Liil Masks at 8:43 am
3 Comments:
God says....."Draw close to me and I will draw close to you."
You know He is the only way..... He's your only chance. There is no other way.
Every night (except Fridays) after Sarah is asleep, we can work it out together. Together, we will get you through this. Let me know ok?
I love you but not as much as He loves you.
God says....."Draw close to me and I will draw close to you."
You know He is the only way..... He's your only chance. There is no other way.
Every night (except Fridays) after Sarah is asleep, we can work it out together. Together, we will get you through this. Let me know ok?
I love you but not as much as He loves you.
I hate to say that i told you so, but... since its not gonnna work so i wanna say my views. Maybe your fate does not lie on hers? Dun feel so bad on yourself. Its not her fault and its not your fault either. Both of you have a HUGE difference thats why. You have your family and your true friends with you. She has her friends with her. Sorry to say inclusive of those who are always 'splashing cold water' on your relationship with her are her friends too. You cant fight snobsville with snobs. Maybe your ties are just not with her.
Post a Comment
<< Home