I Want Nobody Nobody But You

Addictive. Seriously. The worst thing is that it's Korean, so I have next to no idea whatamahoogajacuzzis are they singing or how to pronounce their wordings. Orz.

I had a vision (not a divine one, a more imaginary one) of doing this song as a solo guy song, altering the dance steps a little to make it more 'punkish', so that it doesn't look too... Weird... Seriously while the whole dance step thing works well with the 60's look thing, when they did the dance in a normal concert wearing normal modern clothes, it looks really strange... <__>

Anyway, back to topic.

What topic?



Chinese new year came and went, got my angpows and paid my rent (non-existent rent of course, it just rhymes nicely). Didn't see my father again this year, I'm starting to lose interest in going to my paternal family's side's gatherings since I probably won't see him anyway. Seriously, I really never had a father. Well maybe half a father when I was a younger kid, but yeah, even memories of those are vague to none.

Anyway, I don't know why but I didn't feel hype for this year's Chinese New Year celebrations. I didn't feel the festive mood, I was just feeling... Feeling 'Blah' the whole time. I don't know why either. It's as if something drained out all my festivities mood and left me in a state of lack of endorphins; which happens quite often. I guess it's whole whole deal about working this year, since I'm not really enjoying what I do for a 'living', if you call it a living.

Anyway anyway, after that came my birthday.

Yes my birthday. Which was on the 8th of February 1986, at 10am, which was a Monday, and also coincidentally the last day of the old Chinese year for that particular year. So yes I'm an Ox, the bringer of strife and global economy meltdowns (1997-1998, 1985-1986). Hurray. Didn't have much of a celebration really... People who remembered my birthday was... My mom, my grandmother (who was reminded by my mom), my aunts (who were probably reminded by my mom), Jaslyn, Ashlyn (who MAY have been reminded or told by Jaslyn), Benny Lim Seng Lee (YEAH FULL NAME MAN), erm... Yeah... I think that's about it... Ahahaha. Oh yeah, Alicia and Sandy too. Whoever got left out, erm... I can't really remember, so thanks anyway xD;; For those who didn't remember... There's always next year :P

Anyway, my mom insisted on bringing cake to my choir rehearsal on sunday in church, so we ate cake and some pizza after practice was over (I only had 2 slices of pizza. Everyone else walloped the whole thing. T_T so I had to buy McDs later for dinner before rushing for TCS choir, which no, nobody remembered :P)


For some reason, I really don't like being wished 'happy birthday'. Or being overpraised. I like being praised an patted (yeah pat meeeeeehhhh! xD), but when you start going "oh you sang very well! I really like that part in that song where you did this and that and I was so amazed and blablabla" the only thing I'll be able to do is stare at you with a slightly blank expression, trying to say thank you all the time. It feels awkward. Especially the birthday thing, with the birthday songs. I really really feel uncomfortable when ppl start singing me birthday songs. I'm like standing there (usually in the middle?), staring at everyone, smiling politely and begging you to stop inside. Really, I have absolutely no idea what to do! @_@ Awkwardddddddddddd x_x

I don't know, I hope this doesn't sound arrogant or anything. It's just... Awkward situations for me. I don't like its x_x Though getting fangirled by erm.. under-the-par girls is probably weirder, and I tend to start showing annoyance instead... >< gah. need to control myself.


Anyway, after that was.. Oh yeah. Valentine's Day. Or SAD Day (Single Awareness Day) to some. Which is like, silly if you ask me. Dah lah ppl sad sad cuz they're single, they had to start publicly announcing they're single and try to make themselves feel better by saying "IT'S (a) SAD DAY!" <__> Blah.

so anyway anyway, I went out with Jaslyn to makan at Jogoya, using the Free 1 person High Tea voucher she gave me for me burfdei. Turns out they decided to be an ass and not allow it to be used on Valentines. So we went to some jap restaurant at Pavilion instead that boasted about making REAL soba noodles (buckwheat noodles). I kinda felt reluctant to go, cuz I was running on a tight budget (still am ahahaha), but what the heck eh. just makan only la. then after that we went to watch Bride Wars (Starring Anne Hathaway, the girl who did Princess Diaries). It was interesting to see how Anne Hathaway had evolved from a pretty lil (absolute klutz) princess that sparked the dreams of lil girls everywhere, to a full blown hollywood actress that sexy-danced on-stage, jumped on a rope in the middle fo the dance, and stripteased (more or less) in a video of a wild party. Did you also know she did a topless scene in another movie? Mmm, it's just funny to see how your run-on-the-mill kid's-dream-actors and actresses fall for the ploy of hitting the stars by wearing less and showing more. That's why I respect Jackie Chan, he doesn't let anything like that corrupt his movie styles.

Aaaaanyway after that we rolled around Pavilion for a bit, then had to head back to her place cuz she had to send someone back to their houses (don't ask for details, longlong unrelated story). So we went back, sent those 2 ppl back and decided to watch Saw. Man, it really reminded us of Crimson Room (that internet flash based game where you're supposed to escape a locked room). Still, it was very interesting to see how the plot turned out, and to find that the person behind everything was really right before their very eyes. Seriously an incredible psycho thriller movie. I want more! @_@

Went back after that. yay.



On why I haven't posted for so long... Well... I've really lost the interest in posting here really. The reason why I had a blog in the first place was to let off steam and basically rant about stuff I'm unhappy about. Stuff about other people that I didn't like. Things that happened that made me sad.

But as time went by, people starting quoting out of my blog, and using things in it against me. Usually, we tell these things to someone who really cares for you, and you just leave it with them. Since I don't (never really did and still don't) have such luxuries, I leave it to my blog, which means I can't really choose who gets to read what and who doesn't. Well I guess I really could, but then it's just too troublesome to screen through posts and tick people off the "I trust you" list. It's just not nice. Imagine you're reading someone's private blog, and they trust you with it. Then all of a sudden somehow you find out that there's a post that's locked from you, and you can't read it. How would you feel? I would feel that I'm suddenly not that trusted anymore, that perhaps I've done something wrong to make that person distrust me, or perhaps it's ABOUT me. So I don't like doing that to other people. If it's about someone who reads my blog, then so be it, I'll let them know what I'm thinking. If they're a friend of mine, they should understand that these are my thoughts, and will accept it and think about it because we're friends, right?

Wrong.

People just aren't like that. No matter how much you wish for it, the majority of moving piles of flesh in this world just aren't matured enough to think that way. Only a very minor amount of people will actually read through, think about it, understand that it's just thoughts and comments on them, and analyze themselves about it, and make a decision based on that, THEN CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS. Not take it as a personal stab in the back or some sort. But I guess most people just aren't built that way.

So I decided to kick all that 'emo-ranting posts' away, and just write about every day life. Or at least update about it.

The problem is, that's not fun for me. It's boring. I don't have this sense of desire to tell the world what I ate for breakfast or what movie I watched on the SAD Day. I just really couldn't be bothered. If everything's here, then there's not much to TELL people when they ask about what you've been doing recently. The simple answer: "Go read my blog". It reduces usable subjects in conversations, and basically cuts it shorter.

I miss just sitting down and talking to someone for hours, jumping from topic to topic, just... Having a really good conversation in a quiet place. The last time I did that, I ended up going home at 4am heh. And no, you can't do that with most guys. There's just not much to talk about between guys and me, I have no idea why. Just feels awkward. But yeah, I really like doing that. Finding someone you can chat with about just about anything and continue on without stopping is not easy. I actually found one such person, and I really want to chat with her again. But whether she's really really busy or just avoiding me for specific reasons, I don't know. I want to trust her, but at the same time she disappoints me quite a bit by getting herself hurt by other people all the time, even though she knows WAY better than to trust them. And it hurts me to see her hurt by them. Over and over again.



Ah but what is life without struggles. Without it, we'd never know how to grow.



but you know... sometimes... it would be nice if someone would be there for you who could and would whisk you away from reality and take your mind off all your troubles and sorrows and worries. and just... just hold you for a while, caress and touch you, making you feel at peace and serene.


It's just a wish. And wishes, almost never come true.

Not for me anyways.




Once again... I feel...

Alone.



would you hold me in your arms, if you knew it would be my last...?
would you do the same, even if i weren't going to pass...?
would you comfort me on the days when i feel sad...?
would you comfort me even if it wasn't so bad...?
would you spend half your life trying to please me...?
would you even if you knew we weren't meant to be...?
would you pull me up when all my strength is gone...?
would you push me up even if you too were all forlorn...?
would you sacrifice what you have to make me smile...?
would you stay that way with me, just for a while...?

would i do the same, give my all just for you...?
would you believe me, if i did, that all of this is true...?


Good day God.

And good night, blogreaders.