So Many Thoughts, So Little Words
There's just too much on my mind lately. So much that I tend to forget what I'm thinking just a moment after I lay it aside. And yet, the anxiety, stress and tension that I get from spending time thinking about them doesn't go away. They build up and it tends to get annoying and tiring to keep.
For now, while they're still fresh in my head, there are a few things I want to say.
But somehow... I don't think I can say them. Not here at least. Because those people reading my blog tend to get frustrated about them, and thus frustrated at me. Then some of them go back to their OWN private blog, and make a post just for me, directed entirely in anger and frustration TOWARDS me, bringing back old forgotten stories and problems and throwing them all back at me again.
Sounds JUST like my stepfather. Really. And I seriously HATE that about him. It's as if they're losing a fight, so in order to stay fighting, they bring back old issues that may or may not have been solved, and use that as a basis point. Which to me, is just childish and absurd. But do these people think so? Nope. It's of course, entirely relevant for them.
Blagh.
Tired, a little frustrated.
Sometimes... It's just so tiring and hard to care about someone.
They do something that affects their health and/or well being, they KNOW they're doing it, and yet they still just do it, giving all sorts of obviously lame excuses as reasons. Then when you try to coax them to take care of themselves better, they start giving more (absurd) excuses as to why they should continue the way they are. Then sooner or later, one side of the party gets frustrated, and they both get into a fight.
Couldn't they actually start to think about the stress and worry they give to the people that care for them?
Then when you tell them that, some can frankly say "Who asked you to care about me?".
Geez. Nobody told me to. I just thought that as a friend, I should care for you. That's all.
Sometimes, there are some things that should be done that are just too obvious. Sometimes, Science and Facts prove that certain things are bad. And most of the times, when you tell these people about them, they either tell you some strange random case about 'how my grandfather who smokes 2 packets a day lived up to 95', or 'everyone does it, it's okay, nothing will happen'.
Sometimes, I just harbor so much annoyance towards these people that I just WISH that time would fast forward to the day their body FINALLY gives in to the vices they keep subjecting themselves to, and tell them in their face, "I FRIGGIN TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOT".
But that would be mean, so I don't do it. Well I try not to at least. But seriously, it's just so frustrating to worry about someone, and advise them to do something, and all they do is give excuses or deviate or try to turn it back on you.
Wouldn't it be much easier to say "I don't need you to care for me, shut up and buzz off"? Saves all the trouble.
But that's why I haven't been blogging lately anyway. This is a place where I release SOME of the frustration and tension and other not-so-related emotions. But since I don't like it when people talk back about me behind my back... Yeah. Wutev.
I know I have my flaws, I know I have my weaknesses. But sometimes, just telling me I'm this or I'm that doesn't really make sense, especially when I have no idea what you're talking about.
And sometimes, even with them, people KNOW that what I say is true, they just try to relate them to severely random cases so that they can sneak through the guilt; if they even feel it. Seriously, grow up. Being independent doesn't mean being able to take care of one's self financially alone. It's being able to take care of one's self as a WHOLE: Financially, Physically, and Mentally. When one can't take care of even ONE of these areas, they stop being independent; and mostly start being childish.
And no, being childish OUTSIDE of these 3 systems is NOT really being childish. That's just part of character/personality; it's different.
Glarg.
I don't have a place where I can just tell all my problems to. Everywhere I go and try, something just stops some things from getting through. Even on my own blog, I feel like I'm being caged up in certain areas.
I'd talk to a certain CSY, but I feel like I'm just giving more burdens and problems. And as a friend, I don't want to burden. I trust CSY, a lot, but I don't want to burden.
I just hope CSY responds... Right now, CSY's probably the person I trust the most.
God
bless my blogreaders.
Good night.
For now, while they're still fresh in my head, there are a few things I want to say.
But somehow... I don't think I can say them. Not here at least. Because those people reading my blog tend to get frustrated about them, and thus frustrated at me. Then some of them go back to their OWN private blog, and make a post just for me, directed entirely in anger and frustration TOWARDS me, bringing back old forgotten stories and problems and throwing them all back at me again.
Sounds JUST like my stepfather. Really. And I seriously HATE that about him. It's as if they're losing a fight, so in order to stay fighting, they bring back old issues that may or may not have been solved, and use that as a basis point. Which to me, is just childish and absurd. But do these people think so? Nope. It's of course, entirely relevant for them.
Blagh.
Tired, a little frustrated.
Sometimes... It's just so tiring and hard to care about someone.
They do something that affects their health and/or well being, they KNOW they're doing it, and yet they still just do it, giving all sorts of obviously lame excuses as reasons. Then when you try to coax them to take care of themselves better, they start giving more (absurd) excuses as to why they should continue the way they are. Then sooner or later, one side of the party gets frustrated, and they both get into a fight.
Couldn't they actually start to think about the stress and worry they give to the people that care for them?
Then when you tell them that, some can frankly say "Who asked you to care about me?".
Geez. Nobody told me to. I just thought that as a friend, I should care for you. That's all.
Sometimes, there are some things that should be done that are just too obvious. Sometimes, Science and Facts prove that certain things are bad. And most of the times, when you tell these people about them, they either tell you some strange random case about 'how my grandfather who smokes 2 packets a day lived up to 95', or 'everyone does it, it's okay, nothing will happen'.
Sometimes, I just harbor so much annoyance towards these people that I just WISH that time would fast forward to the day their body FINALLY gives in to the vices they keep subjecting themselves to, and tell them in their face, "I FRIGGIN TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOT".
But that would be mean, so I don't do it. Well I try not to at least. But seriously, it's just so frustrating to worry about someone, and advise them to do something, and all they do is give excuses or deviate or try to turn it back on you.
Wouldn't it be much easier to say "I don't need you to care for me, shut up and buzz off"? Saves all the trouble.
But that's why I haven't been blogging lately anyway. This is a place where I release SOME of the frustration and tension and other not-so-related emotions. But since I don't like it when people talk back about me behind my back... Yeah. Wutev.
I know I have my flaws, I know I have my weaknesses. But sometimes, just telling me I'm this or I'm that doesn't really make sense, especially when I have no idea what you're talking about.
And sometimes, even with them, people KNOW that what I say is true, they just try to relate them to severely random cases so that they can sneak through the guilt; if they even feel it. Seriously, grow up. Being independent doesn't mean being able to take care of one's self financially alone. It's being able to take care of one's self as a WHOLE: Financially, Physically, and Mentally. When one can't take care of even ONE of these areas, they stop being independent; and mostly start being childish.
And no, being childish OUTSIDE of these 3 systems is NOT really being childish. That's just part of character/personality; it's different.
Glarg.
I don't have a place where I can just tell all my problems to. Everywhere I go and try, something just stops some things from getting through. Even on my own blog, I feel like I'm being caged up in certain areas.
I'd talk to a certain CSY, but I feel like I'm just giving more burdens and problems. And as a friend, I don't want to burden. I trust CSY, a lot, but I don't want to burden.
I just hope CSY responds... Right now, CSY's probably the person I trust the most.
God
bless my blogreaders.
Good night.
posted by Liil Masks at 10:05 am
2 Comments:
dude, everything okay?? =) I'm here if you need someone to talk to aight?
Just so you know, I've never felt that you're a burden.
So its okay if you need a person to talk to. Its okay if its me. I'll be here to listen.
CSY
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