Battered Silence
~~~~
"Are you alright?"
"..."
"Please... Speak to me... Are you alright...?"
"..."
"Please... Don't do this to me..."
"... I'm... Fine..."
"... That's a lie."
"Awesome perception."
"..."
She shifted her position. Sitting on her legs weren't the most comfortable thing to do, but she wanted to get as close to him as possible without being unladylike. Typical.
"C'mon... Tell me... What's wrong...?"
His looked up to the dark sky lit with stars randomly strewn across the sky. His eyes closed. A painful close.
"X...?"
Silence filled the air. His breath lightly taking away the silence of time.
"X..? X? X!? Oh my god!"
---
Floating... Falling...
He knew he had left the world.
He knew that he had willingly left his conciousness and drifted off into the undiscovered and unknown realms of unconciousness. Dangerous as it was, he didn't care.
He was weary.
What is the point in chasing something you cannot obtain?
What is the point of pushing yourself to your limits just so that you can live in the shadow of someone who will never smile or look deep into your eyes and your heart for you?
Why do you live in such a world where you care for others but not for yourself?
Why...
Are you dying...?
It's not their fault. Don't blame them for my actions.
I don't. But you seem to blame yourself way too much than you're truly creditable for.
I guess I do... But it's my way of living life. What have you got to do with it? After all, I'm not doing anything wrong or bad. In fact, I'm making life better for them. I know that the most little of actions when done in the load will bring about more change than any big incident would. I was deprived of that. Deprived of it when I needed it the most. That's why, whether I be looked upon as a bigger sibling, or a father, or a caring friend, or nothing more than a shadow... In which most people know me as... I would rather make that sacrifice then let them live their lives going through the torture that I did.
You love the people around you a lot. Too much in fact. That's good. And bad.
How could it be bad? We are told to love our neighbours...
As you LOVE YOURSELF.
...
I know it's not easy to live your life loving everyone around you and yet not receiving the kind of love that you give out. I know you long for the sole attention that you've selflessly give others whom you know long for them too. I know you crave for the love that you generously give those whom you deem close to you and really need a loving friend at their time of need. It's a gift for you to see and sense these things. It's a greater gift that you're able to love them and shower them with care and edification. And best of all, you truly love and care for them, not because you want to be faithful to the Word and loyal, but because you've learned to love your friends.
But.
As you already know, those of gifts which you receive and give to others, are the gifts that you so long for yourself. You know that they're restrained from you because you need to grow. You're relying too much on yourself and the comfort of your safety zones right now. You need to get out of that and rely on the REAL safety and comfort. Only then will you receive what you desire so much.
I don't know if I can hold on till I discover it.
You can. You know you can.
*sigh* You're right. I know I can. Yet... I'm afraid...
Everyone is afraid to take the first step. But it's the first step that helps to build courage. The first step is also the step you MUST take in order to begin. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
What about them...?
No one ever said anything about stopping. Go on. You'll receive your appreciation in time to come. And if they never appreciate you, you know where to look for. However, don't be anxious for appreciation. Instead, always pray and know that you will get what you want, if only you ask for it (Simplified version of Phillipians 4:9).
Don't worry. As long as you do what you know is the best thing to do, things will turn out fine. If they don't, know that they are there for a purpose.
And if I don't know what's the best thing to do...?
Ah, but you DO know. Prayer is always the best, is it not?
...
Now it is time for you to leave. Don't shut yourself from the world. Yes there may be pains in the world. But there are joys as well. Learn to enjoy the joys and pick yourself up from the pain. Only then can you truly grow and mature.
----
"Oh goodness X! You're alive! For a moment there I thought you were..."
"Dead...?"
"..."
"I guess I could have been. I might have been dead. To myself, at least."
"I... Don't understand..."
"Many things in this world aren't meant for us to understand. Some actions will never be understood. Some of our longings and desires were never meant to be learned their true meaning. At least not while we're still here on earth."
Infinite Second Chances, - Unknown Author
~~~~
It's true isn't it? We often chase things that we cannot obtain, yet are heartbroken over it when we find out it is out of our reach.
In such times, many people grow bitter and resent the person who would seem to be keeping the things they desire away from them. Such one who constantly receives these anger words and thoughts is God.
There is a reason and a purpose for everything that happens, I believe. And no incident goes by without something it was meant to do, thought many times it doesn't fulfill its true purpose.
God,
Help me manage my time. My Sundays are very hectic now. I wake at 7am to go to church, come back home at 11:15am, have a short nap/break, eat lunch, go back to church at 1:45pm, stay in church for Easter practices untill usually around 8-8:30pm. But now that I'm in TCS (it's a choir), their meets on Sundays are at 7:30pm onwards... I'm not sure how I'll make it, but I feel that I should be in both productions. I have sacrificed my entire Sunday for Your glory, Lord, as the production TCS will be doing is a Christian based production. I pray that you will show me the way that You have planned for me. I fear I cannot turn back time to reach for the TCS meets on-time as well as stay on with the Easter practices till the end. Please make a way for me.
And God, bless all my blog-readers out there. They're the silent listeners that I really appreciate and love.
"Are you alright?"
"..."
"Please... Speak to me... Are you alright...?"
"..."
"Please... Don't do this to me..."
"... I'm... Fine..."
"... That's a lie."
"Awesome perception."
"..."
She shifted her position. Sitting on her legs weren't the most comfortable thing to do, but she wanted to get as close to him as possible without being unladylike. Typical.
"C'mon... Tell me... What's wrong...?"
His looked up to the dark sky lit with stars randomly strewn across the sky. His eyes closed. A painful close.
"X...?"
Silence filled the air. His breath lightly taking away the silence of time.
"X..? X? X!? Oh my god!"
---
Floating... Falling...
He knew he had left the world.
He knew that he had willingly left his conciousness and drifted off into the undiscovered and unknown realms of unconciousness. Dangerous as it was, he didn't care.
He was weary.
What is the point in chasing something you cannot obtain?
What is the point of pushing yourself to your limits just so that you can live in the shadow of someone who will never smile or look deep into your eyes and your heart for you?
Why do you live in such a world where you care for others but not for yourself?
Why...
Are you dying...?
It's not their fault. Don't blame them for my actions.
I don't. But you seem to blame yourself way too much than you're truly creditable for.
I guess I do... But it's my way of living life. What have you got to do with it? After all, I'm not doing anything wrong or bad. In fact, I'm making life better for them. I know that the most little of actions when done in the load will bring about more change than any big incident would. I was deprived of that. Deprived of it when I needed it the most. That's why, whether I be looked upon as a bigger sibling, or a father, or a caring friend, or nothing more than a shadow... In which most people know me as... I would rather make that sacrifice then let them live their lives going through the torture that I did.
You love the people around you a lot. Too much in fact. That's good. And bad.
How could it be bad? We are told to love our neighbours...
As you LOVE YOURSELF.
...
I know it's not easy to live your life loving everyone around you and yet not receiving the kind of love that you give out. I know you long for the sole attention that you've selflessly give others whom you know long for them too. I know you crave for the love that you generously give those whom you deem close to you and really need a loving friend at their time of need. It's a gift for you to see and sense these things. It's a greater gift that you're able to love them and shower them with care and edification. And best of all, you truly love and care for them, not because you want to be faithful to the Word and loyal, but because you've learned to love your friends.
But.
As you already know, those of gifts which you receive and give to others, are the gifts that you so long for yourself. You know that they're restrained from you because you need to grow. You're relying too much on yourself and the comfort of your safety zones right now. You need to get out of that and rely on the REAL safety and comfort. Only then will you receive what you desire so much.
I don't know if I can hold on till I discover it.
You can. You know you can.
*sigh* You're right. I know I can. Yet... I'm afraid...
Everyone is afraid to take the first step. But it's the first step that helps to build courage. The first step is also the step you MUST take in order to begin. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
What about them...?
No one ever said anything about stopping. Go on. You'll receive your appreciation in time to come. And if they never appreciate you, you know where to look for. However, don't be anxious for appreciation. Instead, always pray and know that you will get what you want, if only you ask for it (Simplified version of Phillipians 4:9).
Don't worry. As long as you do what you know is the best thing to do, things will turn out fine. If they don't, know that they are there for a purpose.
And if I don't know what's the best thing to do...?
Ah, but you DO know. Prayer is always the best, is it not?
...
Now it is time for you to leave. Don't shut yourself from the world. Yes there may be pains in the world. But there are joys as well. Learn to enjoy the joys and pick yourself up from the pain. Only then can you truly grow and mature.
----
"Oh goodness X! You're alive! For a moment there I thought you were..."
"Dead...?"
"..."
"I guess I could have been. I might have been dead. To myself, at least."
"I... Don't understand..."
"Many things in this world aren't meant for us to understand. Some actions will never be understood. Some of our longings and desires were never meant to be learned their true meaning. At least not while we're still here on earth."
Infinite Second Chances, - Unknown Author
~~~~
It's true isn't it? We often chase things that we cannot obtain, yet are heartbroken over it when we find out it is out of our reach.
In such times, many people grow bitter and resent the person who would seem to be keeping the things they desire away from them. Such one who constantly receives these anger words and thoughts is God.
There is a reason and a purpose for everything that happens, I believe. And no incident goes by without something it was meant to do, thought many times it doesn't fulfill its true purpose.
God,
Help me manage my time. My Sundays are very hectic now. I wake at 7am to go to church, come back home at 11:15am, have a short nap/break, eat lunch, go back to church at 1:45pm, stay in church for Easter practices untill usually around 8-8:30pm. But now that I'm in TCS (it's a choir), their meets on Sundays are at 7:30pm onwards... I'm not sure how I'll make it, but I feel that I should be in both productions. I have sacrificed my entire Sunday for Your glory, Lord, as the production TCS will be doing is a Christian based production. I pray that you will show me the way that You have planned for me. I fear I cannot turn back time to reach for the TCS meets on-time as well as stay on with the Easter practices till the end. Please make a way for me.
And God, bless all my blog-readers out there. They're the silent listeners that I really appreciate and love.
posted by Liil Masks at 8:45 am
1 Comments:
dude.. weird entry again man.. well, not for you la but it was kinda confusing to me.. was it another conversation with BBT or just some random innerself conversation? =)
anyways, i'm sure Yahveh will let you know soon enough what's good for you cuz dude, honestly i've not seen someone dedicate his/her life towards Him the way you do.. except maybe my parents.. i, myself haven't really reached that level yet but i do put nothing before Him and nothing is above Him as all things works through Him..
anyhows, it seems that we both chose good in our majors.. seems like we'll be having fun doing our assignments.. except me for one sub with eric.. ahhaha.. but who knows la right? maybe he'll be okay this sem.. =p let's just pray that he is.. ahhaha.. will be seeing you around in coll aight.. call me if you need anything and i'll do likewise.. =) see you around man.. ciao!
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