The Past, The Present, and The Unknown Future
The Past.
What is the past?
It is a word that describes the time that has gone by. Time that can never be regained again, no matter how hard mortals try.
Experiences and memories of things that were done and have been done. Things that either bring back tears of joy, or the bitter taste that stings the mind.
Words and Actions that were said and done.
Memories that were enjoyed. Memories that were cherished. Memories that made a person realise how beautiful a family in Christ could be. Memories that brought alive a desire to be part of a family so pure and loving that almost does not fight at all. Memories that created enlightenment of understanding withing the family so well that harsh words are not needed at all.
Memories that sting the heart for weeks and months. Memories that hurt and reopen scars on the soul. Memories that tell how a person can change so much within 3 months. Memories that advise to know a person longer before acknowledging understanding of a person. Memories spreading the knowledge that innermost desires cannot overcome everything.
The Present.
What is the present?
It is a word that describes time as it passes by, often used to refer also to the near past and near future. Time that is ever so precious, yet often laid to waste. Time that is only treasured after it has gone.
Experiences and things that are being done as of right now. Things that will result in a bitter or sweet past, with bitter or sweet memories. Things that will change Future.
Words and actions that are said and done at this very moment.
Actions that can bring joy and happiness in the future. Words that can lift one's spirits higher. Actions and words that can change situations and things in life that though may look ever so small, but can mean ever so big. Actions that bring broken pieces, in hopes of putting some back together. Words that are spoken in a soft, yet reassuring tone. The voice that the ear had not heard for so long, yet missed so dearly. The hope for an embrace that had been almost forgotten by the storm stricken body.
Actions that can turn the tides of happiness into sadness. Words that can make a person feel lower than the deepest pits of the world. Actions and words that change situations in life making an entire difference in a purpose all together. Actions that spread broken pieces away, breaking some smaller and strewing the rest onto a widespread lawn with little hopes of finding them back. Words that are spoken in the most friendly tone, yet unaddressed to comfort the bleeding heart. The voice that though missed, had turned into a sound to be dreaded to hear. The shattered dreams of a session of soul searching, retrieving, and binding.
The Future.
What is the future?
It is a word describing time that has not yet come to pass. Time that still lies in the unknown, waiting to come and go as time always does. Waiting to turn into Present, and Past. Time that can be altered and changed by the Present and the Present alone.
Time that is unfathomable and undestined. Yet somehow, known by One and only One.
Plans are made during the Present. Plans are created, thought over to tell what we will do in the Future, drawing a path for us to walk upon. Shedding light to Future Hopes. Plans are followed and when done so succesfully without any mishaps, are often celebrated upon. Plans for a day that could mean a good reunion of minds, hearts and souls that have long been seperated by the forces of His Divine. Plans that could mean a beautiful day ahead.
Plans can be shattered. Destroyed. Plans can be trampled upon. Plans can be disturbed and further messed by obstacles, Actions and Words of the Present, utterly turning Hope into Lost. Plans that are turned over by the one planned for. Plans for a day that are changed into something so different that it hardly, vaguely or even do not resemble the original plan at all. Plans that are torn, changing things to a whole different view all together.
~~~~
Even if you read all that, you will not understand it, unless I explain. Only one person who also reads this blog can understand it, should this person take the time and effort to.
Make that two. I'm sure someone else can understand, if that person tries hard enough.
Short to say, I'm dreadfully disappointed. Sad. Depressed even. To the point which puts me in a not-so-good mood.
I can lie on the internet, oh yes I can. By lying I mean making people think I'm fine. It's easy since no facial expression control is needed.
However, there are times when emotions escape. It escaped once this time online and once in reality. Even then when it escaped online, the person I was talking/typing to hardly noticed. She was too high on Boy Love to realise it.
Then again, the only people who actually notice the change of moods online almost instantly is BNYL. And she's under training to be a psychologist, so no biggie. Expected.
I am sad.
God, what I thought would happen today did not go as planned. Not at all. I really wish things were different. I read Ephesians 5:16 as I believe You told me to. I took the opportunity. But I was badly disappointed, if not depressed even. I don't know why. Everything went wrong.
What I had planned as a lovely time catching up ended up as a getting to know and chatting with people I don't know. I wasn't interested in that. I really wanted to catch up and just talk. Mend some broken chains.
It didn't happen.
God, I don't know why things turned out this way, but I'm sure You know what You're doing. I will believe in You and trust that things will turn out for the better. However, I will say that depression may settle for a while before it goes away. You know me best. You know it can and it probably will.
And God, I hurt my eye/eyelid. It's got a small tear. It hurts when I touch it. I pray that it will be healed completely with no side effects (virus, germs, cancer, infected, etc) by the time I wake up. I need my eyes. I'm not willing to give them up just yet.
Take care of my friends, please. And God, You take care too. I know You will.
And God, please take care of MPL. I really care for her. My heart moves everytime she posts, I don't know why. Is it because I've fallen for her? Is it because I'm infatuated by her extreme cuteness and dressing? I don't know. But I DO know that I've got feelings for her. I'm trying to lose them, but as always it will take time. Either ways, please advise me on this matter. Thank You. Thank You for everything You've done for me.
Another thing. God I really do not feel ready to take on the duty of song leading, even within the Home Fellowship. You of all should know best why I've refused all this while, and would still prefer to refuse. There are some things that are not even written in this blog in which I tell no one. Well, maybe I've told an extreme minor few, but it's not for the ears of anyone at all to hear. It's between You and me, God. And I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not ready to ask for help yet. I don't know if I'll ever be, though Your word tells us to. I hope in time to come, I can. Song leading is a huge responsibility, and the song leader must be spiritually very well prepared before given the task. I still feel that I'm not ready. Please advise me, Lord. I've choosen the songs, hopefully based on Your will. I pray that You will guide me through this.
What is the past?
It is a word that describes the time that has gone by. Time that can never be regained again, no matter how hard mortals try.
Experiences and memories of things that were done and have been done. Things that either bring back tears of joy, or the bitter taste that stings the mind.
Words and Actions that were said and done.
Memories that were enjoyed. Memories that were cherished. Memories that made a person realise how beautiful a family in Christ could be. Memories that brought alive a desire to be part of a family so pure and loving that almost does not fight at all. Memories that created enlightenment of understanding withing the family so well that harsh words are not needed at all.
Memories that sting the heart for weeks and months. Memories that hurt and reopen scars on the soul. Memories that tell how a person can change so much within 3 months. Memories that advise to know a person longer before acknowledging understanding of a person. Memories spreading the knowledge that innermost desires cannot overcome everything.
The Present.
What is the present?
It is a word that describes time as it passes by, often used to refer also to the near past and near future. Time that is ever so precious, yet often laid to waste. Time that is only treasured after it has gone.
Experiences and things that are being done as of right now. Things that will result in a bitter or sweet past, with bitter or sweet memories. Things that will change Future.
Words and actions that are said and done at this very moment.
Actions that can bring joy and happiness in the future. Words that can lift one's spirits higher. Actions and words that can change situations and things in life that though may look ever so small, but can mean ever so big. Actions that bring broken pieces, in hopes of putting some back together. Words that are spoken in a soft, yet reassuring tone. The voice that the ear had not heard for so long, yet missed so dearly. The hope for an embrace that had been almost forgotten by the storm stricken body.
Actions that can turn the tides of happiness into sadness. Words that can make a person feel lower than the deepest pits of the world. Actions and words that change situations in life making an entire difference in a purpose all together. Actions that spread broken pieces away, breaking some smaller and strewing the rest onto a widespread lawn with little hopes of finding them back. Words that are spoken in the most friendly tone, yet unaddressed to comfort the bleeding heart. The voice that though missed, had turned into a sound to be dreaded to hear. The shattered dreams of a session of soul searching, retrieving, and binding.
The Future.
What is the future?
It is a word describing time that has not yet come to pass. Time that still lies in the unknown, waiting to come and go as time always does. Waiting to turn into Present, and Past. Time that can be altered and changed by the Present and the Present alone.
Time that is unfathomable and undestined. Yet somehow, known by One and only One.
Plans are made during the Present. Plans are created, thought over to tell what we will do in the Future, drawing a path for us to walk upon. Shedding light to Future Hopes. Plans are followed and when done so succesfully without any mishaps, are often celebrated upon. Plans for a day that could mean a good reunion of minds, hearts and souls that have long been seperated by the forces of His Divine. Plans that could mean a beautiful day ahead.
Plans can be shattered. Destroyed. Plans can be trampled upon. Plans can be disturbed and further messed by obstacles, Actions and Words of the Present, utterly turning Hope into Lost. Plans that are turned over by the one planned for. Plans for a day that are changed into something so different that it hardly, vaguely or even do not resemble the original plan at all. Plans that are torn, changing things to a whole different view all together.
~~~~
Even if you read all that, you will not understand it, unless I explain. Only one person who also reads this blog can understand it, should this person take the time and effort to.
Make that two. I'm sure someone else can understand, if that person tries hard enough.
Short to say, I'm dreadfully disappointed. Sad. Depressed even. To the point which puts me in a not-so-good mood.
I can lie on the internet, oh yes I can. By lying I mean making people think I'm fine. It's easy since no facial expression control is needed.
However, there are times when emotions escape. It escaped once this time online and once in reality. Even then when it escaped online, the person I was talking/typing to hardly noticed. She was too high on Boy Love to realise it.
Then again, the only people who actually notice the change of moods online almost instantly is BNYL. And she's under training to be a psychologist, so no biggie. Expected.
I am sad.
God, what I thought would happen today did not go as planned. Not at all. I really wish things were different. I read Ephesians 5:16 as I believe You told me to. I took the opportunity. But I was badly disappointed, if not depressed even. I don't know why. Everything went wrong.
What I had planned as a lovely time catching up ended up as a getting to know and chatting with people I don't know. I wasn't interested in that. I really wanted to catch up and just talk. Mend some broken chains.
It didn't happen.
God, I don't know why things turned out this way, but I'm sure You know what You're doing. I will believe in You and trust that things will turn out for the better. However, I will say that depression may settle for a while before it goes away. You know me best. You know it can and it probably will.
And God, I hurt my eye/eyelid. It's got a small tear. It hurts when I touch it. I pray that it will be healed completely with no side effects (virus, germs, cancer, infected, etc) by the time I wake up. I need my eyes. I'm not willing to give them up just yet.
Take care of my friends, please. And God, You take care too. I know You will.
And God, please take care of MPL. I really care for her. My heart moves everytime she posts, I don't know why. Is it because I've fallen for her? Is it because I'm infatuated by her extreme cuteness and dressing? I don't know. But I DO know that I've got feelings for her. I'm trying to lose them, but as always it will take time. Either ways, please advise me on this matter. Thank You. Thank You for everything You've done for me.
Another thing. God I really do not feel ready to take on the duty of song leading, even within the Home Fellowship. You of all should know best why I've refused all this while, and would still prefer to refuse. There are some things that are not even written in this blog in which I tell no one. Well, maybe I've told an extreme minor few, but it's not for the ears of anyone at all to hear. It's between You and me, God. And I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not ready to ask for help yet. I don't know if I'll ever be, though Your word tells us to. I hope in time to come, I can. Song leading is a huge responsibility, and the song leader must be spiritually very well prepared before given the task. I still feel that I'm not ready. Please advise me, Lord. I've choosen the songs, hopefully based on Your will. I pray that You will guide me through this.
posted by Liil Masks at 10:21 am
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