Dying

I don't know why. I got the sudden initiative to type this out (wanted to say 'write this down' but that'd be wrong, since I'm actually typing it).

This is all on the spur of the moment, meaning it's going to be pure impromptu/immediate/no-thinking (not that lots of people will admit that I actually think anyway).



~~~~~

The stars twinkled.

In a sea of vast darkness, they lit up the sky in a way no other source of light can, guiding the way to the people of long past.

And there was the moon, shining brightly as well.

Such nostalgia.

Such romance.


Such emotion.




His eyelids closed. It had been a long while since he last laid down on the ground to look at the stars. It had been a favourite passtime in the earlier days, when he was much younger. Much more innocent. Much more... Vulnerable.

The vulnerability had not left, it seemed, but it definitely was not shown. The act he puts on fools most of the eyes of those who see him. Only those who look deep into his eyes could even begin to see the emotions he hid deep within.


His eyes re-opened, gazing into the dazzling wonders of space once more.


He missed her.


Fighting a losing battle was not one of the favourite things to do in his list. In fact, it was a rare thing for him to be doing at all, much less getting involved in one. Yet, all this while, ever since he swore to himself to remain on his own without another... Female to be with him, he knew he was starting a fight he could not win.

Hopeless resistance.

A person who lives on the feeling of being loved cannot hope to survive without that need. Not for long. How can one deny himself of much needed food, water and air? How can one fight back the need to feed when hunger strikes? How can one remain in the rain when shelter is available? How can one seek to bask in nudity when coverings are given without a cost? No sane man would, at least, if he were alone.

Resistance is Futile.

He hadn't seen her for days. Weeks. But he had heard from her. Her voice not the most beautiful in the land, but a certain tinge in it makes it so much different from anyone else. The certain element that makes it special, completing the person she was. Her utter form of cuteness, her hair, her fair complexion, her interesting character... Was all a part of her.

And he... Liked what he saw.

He had knew long ago, that it was not something for him to want. He laid down details of things in which he WANTED them to be. After many accounts of disappointment and deep scars that would never heal, he realised that some things in this world weren't for him to want.

Forsaken plans.

Never were they part of his strongpoints, but he DID at least to a certain extenct, plan. After millions of shattered glass fragments, he had enough. Plans were not meant to be followed to perfection; at least not by him. Enduring extreme disappointment was not part of his strongpoints either, but he had learned to withstand the pain. His stamina was slowly withering away, but as long as he could, he would.

Boku kimi no kotoga suki desu.

How could he? He didn't dare to say those words. Love had turned into a sacred word for him, and hearing them misused made him cringe in pain. Love was too powerful a word to ever be used on things unsure of. He loved his close friend, that he could admit. But loving her...? How could he even think about it? He hardly knew her... Yet it felt as if they were long lost friends, sharing many commonalities.

I know I like her... I know I like what I see... I know I like what I hear... But...

Obstruction.

She has a guy.

Full-stop.


Being the person he was, he couldn't.

And so, from a distance, he had to remain.

Dying.
~~~~


From A Distance (Forever True) - by KA/BBT

There's no bittersweet remembrance of you
Only the fondest memories can I recall
And everytime I'm with you
You lift me on higher ground and I stand tall

And I know for sure you help me
Everytime I fall
And I will be there when you need me
Everytime you call
Yet something inside me
Tells me that this is just wrong

*Chorus*
Cause I know that you weren't meant for me
Because if you would, why would I be hurting so
To see you with him, instead of with me
Your face lighting up with him, you go
So I'll be here as always hidden from view
To a myst'ry just for you
When I push you up, when I catch your star
When I see your tears, wherever you are
This is my promise that I've given you
I'll be your angel, standing
Forever true.

Oh oh yeah yeah

This little light, I can't seem to kill
No words can tell why it won't go away
So I have to keep it still
Hiding all the words I have to say

Cause I know for sure this is not right
Taking what's not mine
And I know for sure she's not mine to fight
For I am not the kind
Oh why must it be this way
Why must it be wrong

*Chorus*
Cause I know that you weren't meant for me
Because if you would, why would I be hurting so
To see you with him, instead of with me
Your face lighting up with him, you go
So I'll be here as always hidden from view
To a myst'ry just for you
When I push you up, when I catch your star
When I see your tears, wherever you are
This is my promise that I've given you
I'll be your angel, standing
Forever true.

*Bridge*
There's more to love
Than to run your arms through her hair
There is more to love
Than to be with that someone you care

*Chorus*
Cause I know that you weren't meant for me
Because if you would, why would I be hurting so
To see you with him, instead of with me
Your face lighting up with him, you go
So I'll be here as always hidden from view
To a myst'ry just for you
When I push you up, when I catch your star
When I see your tears, wherever you are
This is my promise that I've given you
I'll be your angel, standing
Forever true.

~~


By the way, that person I was writing about is NOT me. Well, some parts could be reflected from my feelings (note COULD) but it's not me. Heh.



God,

Thank you.

For everything you've given to me.