Emotions

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight




Ever since I heard the song sang by Destiny's Child, I loved it.


Well not loved, but I really liked it.




I'll get straight to the point today. Don't have too much time to go ranting and 'beating around the Bush'. (made me think of something [or someone] else there, but I'll stick to this or I might get sued by the US Government. There, you got what I wanted to type.)



I'm... Falling for another girl again. I don't know if I've got feelings for her. Heck I SERIOUSLY DOUBT I've got ANY feelings for her whatsoever, besides the fact that she's rather cute and she adores me? For my looks? (Bleargh... I know I love myself to bits cuz I think I look really good and all but that's just narcicism. I think.)



Random : I'm very very hungry. Saving your cash by going w/o lunch is a bad idea. Really. Especially when your appetite is as big as mine. Or bigger.



But seriously... I think (I KNOW damnit) that the last time I had relationship problems (inclusive of post-relationship problems, akward feeling when talking to the person, etc. etc.) would be because I did exactly that - get into a relationship with a girl whom I didn't really have much feelings for. I mean sure she's cute and all, but I think the point of the matter here is my feelings. I didn't have those intense feelings for her.

Neither do I on this girl either. I still think she's damned cute. She's got really nice chinese eyes (she's rather dark though) and she's got a cute personality, as far as I've met her. Which puts another point of the matter into serious problems here - I hardly know her. Save for talking to her online in chatrooms filled with dozens of other people. Just because she paid extra attention to me today doesn't mean that I should go after her. My goodness, what the heck am I thinking?



Still, that doesn't help with my 'girl deprived' status. I miss those warm hugs. Not that I can't get plenty of that from a girl, I can always hug my 2 friends DA and L. But that's using them, and I don't use my friends. I DON'T USE MY FRIENDS DAMMIT. (Now why did I caps that?) Seriously. I don't. I've wanted to kiss both of them more than once. Always making a go for DA (I HAVE GOT TO STOP THAT! GAH!), scared the helloutta L trying to on her too. When I was that close, I seriously wanted to. Thank goodness DA keeps pushing me away (makes me laugh everytime she does though) and thank goodness for me stopping myself before I touched L's lips. I've GOT to get a better grip on myself. My desires are running loose again. I don't want to make that mistake. I know the consequences well enough, predicted the worse that could happen and I DO NOT want to prepare for the worse. No.

Get a grip.

Yeah.




Today's blog is so random. I just feel so messed up right now.

Oh, and to top it off, I don't even know her real name. Isn't that great?


LATE EDIT:

Something else came up and since this is today's entry, I might as well edit it into it. (lotsa its)


I just went into MPL's blog.

I cried.

Again.


I couldn't help it. The moment I reached a certain part, I just cried. I couldn't even hold it back. My efforts were useless. I cried there (here), on the spot.

Thank goodness it's 4:30am in the morning. Nobody in my house is awake. At least nobody sane that is (yes I'm rather insane thankyouverymuchbaibai).

I really just... Want to hug her and tell her everything's gonna be alright...

If she accepted Jesus as her saviour and gave her life to the Father.

Which makes it hard. Even for me, who find talking to girls so easy.

It's so easy to tell the whole world gossips, but so hard to talk to someone about Christ.

I WILL work on it. I care for her. Hell I like her. Not intense enough that I want to go after her, but I still DO like her.

Heck she's cute. (what's with me and cute girls? gah bloody picky idiot)

But I WILL work on it. I want her to be alright. I want everything to be alright for her. Having stuff like that go through your teenage life is NOT good for self-esteem. Heck, I should know best eh?





God. Get me a grip. Maybe like the thing we call in Malay 'Apit-G' or something. I need to get a grip in my life. I've been lazing at home, doing absolutely nothing more than playing worthless games when I could be working and earning myself an income. At least that would put off some load from my mom. 400 a month is not little.

And my sleeping system is beserk. I slept at 6am this morning cuz I couldn't sleep. I hate tossing around in bed not being able to sleep. It's disturbing.

Thank you God. Praise your name for creating me. If I find anymore talents I have, I'll give them back to You. I know I can sing, act and dance pretty much. Those are going in the church's performing arts ministry. I know I can speak words of encouragement into people's lives when they're feeling down. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to help them. You've given me the gift of fast learning too. Only problem with that now is I don't know how to apply it to giving it to you, besides learning how to sing, act and dance new stuff fast. And then teach others how to. Wait, maybe that's already in.

However, the one gift that I have not given back to You is my life. God, teach me how to give my life to You.

I am in need of Your guidance.

And God, bless all my friends. Bless them for being there for me, and bless them for not being there for me. Bless them when they lift me up, and bless them when they curse me down. Bless them when they help me, and bless them when they make things worse for me.

Also God, teach me to love my enemies. Especially the enemy whom I hate the most.




God, one question. If we are to love our enemies... Are we to love Satan as well...?