Amor Envenenada
I never kept track of how many chain letters I deleted.
I never cared about them. A number of reasons :-
1 - I don't believe them. Duh. It's just stupid. You wanna play with Demonic Forces go ahead, I'll stick with Christianity and my God which rules over all.
2 - Even if I DID believe in them, I don't have the heart to send it out. Hey those addresses in my address book are my FRIENDS. I don't send cursed letters to my FRIENDS telling them that if they don't send it out to this number of ppl, they'll get CURSED themselves?! Hey if you value your friends THAT much, then go ahead for all I care. I value my friends a LOT. Helluva lot. I don't care if I'll die in some freak road accident with my innards turning into my outards. I don't care if I never have a single peacful day in my love life, or my life for that matter. What matters to me is that MY FRIENDS don't get it. Get it?
3 - I haven't thought about this one yet. Cuz I thought 2 were enuff.
4 - wait in line for the 3rd.
But then again... It looks like those stupid chain letters are coming true aren't they? My life (and history) is seriously messed up (though not the worst in the world, but still bad for any normal person), my love life is messed up too with the weirdest and stupid scenarios that I could ever imagine being in, my studies are messed (my fault actually on this part, no?), heck even my room is messed (totally unrelated whatsoever, but it's still messed). If any chain letter curse is to come true, I shud be suffering by now, wishing I were dead or ALREADY dead.
Sometimes, I DO wish I were dead.
Times like this at least, when no one is free to give me attention and the warmth from hugs I miss the most.
To say the least, I'm a very "manja" person. I can't find the word for it in English, but it basically means I like being fondled, showered with love and care, fussed about, etc. etc. I like the attention people give me, even if I shoo them off and say I wanna be alone (sounds a LOT like a girl doesn't it -_-;;).
Cats like that too. They love attention, being patted, stroked, fussed over and etc. etc. I'm wondering if being born 1 day before the official Year of the Tiger (according to chinese horoscope) has anything to do with this... Yes, and if there's ever any halves, it would make me the Tail of an Ox and the Head of a Tiger -___-;; (which I'm sure does not make sense, yes? Unless you play Impossible Creatures... )
Sorry for making you guys read this (if you did read it anyway). Was feeling rather depressed, what with the being alone at home every single day thing. Still am anyway. I'm still not looking for a job, though job-street got me one which is being a manager at TGV cinemas. I don't mind, but I don't know where the nearest TGV is. I don't want to have to fly all the way to 1-Utama to work, or all the way to Sunway. It's far, and I don't want to have to wake up WAY early to crash into the traffic and make it to work on time. I was hoping GSC would come up with a request for part timers, then I could go to Mid Valley (which I have now dubbed my second home) and work there instead. I'd LOVE to work in GSC Mid Valley.
On another note, I don't think I want to go after this new girl (I'll call her YCYT). However, I AM getting attracted to yet ANOTHER girl (She shall be dubbed, WDT). Why? Simply because she gives me attention -__- However, I find her life a bit saddening too. Her parents don't allow her to go out unless she proposes at least 2 days before, and pesters her parents over and over again. Even then, they still are subject to changing their minds during the last minute... Me on the other hand? I can go out as I like... Just as long as I don't go overboard... Quite a luxury, no? (no...)
I really don't know what to do now. I still keep my stand with not wanting to get into another relationship. Besides, I hardly even know her! (same like the last one...) I feel like I'm dying here, lacking in the things that I seek for the most. Yet, I don't want to give into the voice that's telling me I should go get a girl and satisfy my desires for attention and body contact (probably the best word to describe it). Lust of the flesh? Maybe.
I'm tired. But then again, I've been saying that since the first blog (I presume). I don't want to get on with life. I'm scared of change. Not because I'm afraid that I can't adapat because I CAN adapat and rather good at that too. No. I'm afraid I'll be forgotten. And I'm afraid I'll lose the things that I treasure. The things that... Give me a reason to continue doing what I'm doing, which is being who I am.
God... Please unravel this mess that seems to be what my life is made of. I know there should be much worse messes that You've seen and handled before... But I really can't do this myself >< I'm learning that the hard way... And I still am. Help me, God.
And please, help me make a decision about this WDT. I need Your councel....
I never cared about them. A number of reasons :-
1 - I don't believe them. Duh. It's just stupid. You wanna play with Demonic Forces go ahead, I'll stick with Christianity and my God which rules over all.
2 - Even if I DID believe in them, I don't have the heart to send it out. Hey those addresses in my address book are my FRIENDS. I don't send cursed letters to my FRIENDS telling them that if they don't send it out to this number of ppl, they'll get CURSED themselves?! Hey if you value your friends THAT much, then go ahead for all I care. I value my friends a LOT. Helluva lot. I don't care if I'll die in some freak road accident with my innards turning into my outards. I don't care if I never have a single peacful day in my love life, or my life for that matter. What matters to me is that MY FRIENDS don't get it. Get it?
3 - I haven't thought about this one yet. Cuz I thought 2 were enuff.
4 - wait in line for the 3rd.
But then again... It looks like those stupid chain letters are coming true aren't they? My life (and history) is seriously messed up (though not the worst in the world, but still bad for any normal person), my love life is messed up too with the weirdest and stupid scenarios that I could ever imagine being in, my studies are messed (my fault actually on this part, no?), heck even my room is messed (totally unrelated whatsoever, but it's still messed). If any chain letter curse is to come true, I shud be suffering by now, wishing I were dead or ALREADY dead.
Sometimes, I DO wish I were dead.
Times like this at least, when no one is free to give me attention and the warmth from hugs I miss the most.
To say the least, I'm a very "manja" person. I can't find the word for it in English, but it basically means I like being fondled, showered with love and care, fussed about, etc. etc. I like the attention people give me, even if I shoo them off and say I wanna be alone (sounds a LOT like a girl doesn't it -_-;;).
Cats like that too. They love attention, being patted, stroked, fussed over and etc. etc. I'm wondering if being born 1 day before the official Year of the Tiger (according to chinese horoscope) has anything to do with this... Yes, and if there's ever any halves, it would make me the Tail of an Ox and the Head of a Tiger -___-;; (which I'm sure does not make sense, yes? Unless you play Impossible Creatures... )
Sorry for making you guys read this (if you did read it anyway). Was feeling rather depressed, what with the being alone at home every single day thing. Still am anyway. I'm still not looking for a job, though job-street got me one which is being a manager at TGV cinemas. I don't mind, but I don't know where the nearest TGV is. I don't want to have to fly all the way to 1-Utama to work, or all the way to Sunway. It's far, and I don't want to have to wake up WAY early to crash into the traffic and make it to work on time. I was hoping GSC would come up with a request for part timers, then I could go to Mid Valley (which I have now dubbed my second home) and work there instead. I'd LOVE to work in GSC Mid Valley.
On another note, I don't think I want to go after this new girl (I'll call her YCYT). However, I AM getting attracted to yet ANOTHER girl (She shall be dubbed, WDT). Why? Simply because she gives me attention -__- However, I find her life a bit saddening too. Her parents don't allow her to go out unless she proposes at least 2 days before, and pesters her parents over and over again. Even then, they still are subject to changing their minds during the last minute... Me on the other hand? I can go out as I like... Just as long as I don't go overboard... Quite a luxury, no? (no...)
I really don't know what to do now. I still keep my stand with not wanting to get into another relationship. Besides, I hardly even know her! (same like the last one...) I feel like I'm dying here, lacking in the things that I seek for the most. Yet, I don't want to give into the voice that's telling me I should go get a girl and satisfy my desires for attention and body contact (probably the best word to describe it). Lust of the flesh? Maybe.
I'm tired. But then again, I've been saying that since the first blog (I presume). I don't want to get on with life. I'm scared of change. Not because I'm afraid that I can't adapat because I CAN adapat and rather good at that too. No. I'm afraid I'll be forgotten. And I'm afraid I'll lose the things that I treasure. The things that... Give me a reason to continue doing what I'm doing, which is being who I am.
God... Please unravel this mess that seems to be what my life is made of. I know there should be much worse messes that You've seen and handled before... But I really can't do this myself >< I'm learning that the hard way... And I still am. Help me, God.
And please, help me make a decision about this WDT. I need Your councel....
posted by Liil Masks at 11:03 am
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