Almost Again
I almost cried again today...
Almost.
me says: your dad's typing thing is not considered a job... ? .__.
j says: a proper job
j says: not taking up odd jobs
j says: i dont understand what so hard about working
I guess I can understand where that's coming from...
Maybe I should REALLY go to a psychologist and get this... thing... checked out...
I mean... I could easilly say that it's fear of getting back into that same position I was in and blablablablabla (is what most people would read cuz it's just the same old stupid story and it's just become an excuse now hasn't it..?)
But then again... I've been thinking lately...
It could also be that I BELIEVED that I had a trauma and fear of getting that job and being back into that position so much that it's become REAL to me...
Well, I watch a lot of films, and nowadays I've been watching more House, so I guess I may have caught it off from there...
But it still DOES sound very believable doesn't it?
Especially that 2nd thing?
I don't blame you.
I don't blame anyone for not being able to understand me.
I just... Wish I could get a little more support...
Instead of being pushed into here and pushed into there...
But that's not going to happen anyway...
I mean... Who am I to say that this post won't agitate people and just get them to ignore me, or make them encourage me, or make them push and kick me even more and harder?
I'm just...
Well I AM sick and tired of all of it...
But I guess I draw the line when people harass her instead of me about it.
Even if it kills me...
Even if it turns me into something I absolutely hate...
I can endure hating myself for the rest of my life
I can't endure people harassing my friends, family or her
about me.
God...
I really don't know what to pray for.
All I pray is...
I hope You'll have Your way with me.
I'm applying to Red Comm, and asked my friend if his company needs more editors. His skills are more or less the same as mine in editing, so it shouldn't be a problem if they do need more.
God help me, I'm getting a job even if it means I never have the time or energy or mood to spend with other people anymore.
I guess I'm casting the rest of my cares away now. For the sake of proving the reason why I've been so afraid of going back to the same place that I was before.
My hands are shivering, my heart has sank, and I'm holding back tears even as I'm trying to send my resume. Shit.
Almost.
me says: your dad's typing thing is not considered a job... ? .__.
j says: a proper job
j says: not taking up odd jobs
j says: i dont understand what so hard about working
I guess I can understand where that's coming from...
Maybe I should REALLY go to a psychologist and get this... thing... checked out...
I mean... I could easilly say that it's fear of getting back into that same position I was in and blablablablabla (is what most people would read cuz it's just the same old stupid story and it's just become an excuse now hasn't it..?)
But then again... I've been thinking lately...
It could also be that I BELIEVED that I had a trauma and fear of getting that job and being back into that position so much that it's become REAL to me...
Well, I watch a lot of films, and nowadays I've been watching more House, so I guess I may have caught it off from there...
But it still DOES sound very believable doesn't it?
Especially that 2nd thing?
I don't blame you.
I don't blame anyone for not being able to understand me.
I just... Wish I could get a little more support...
Instead of being pushed into here and pushed into there...
But that's not going to happen anyway...
I mean... Who am I to say that this post won't agitate people and just get them to ignore me, or make them encourage me, or make them push and kick me even more and harder?
I'm just...
Well I AM sick and tired of all of it...
But I guess I draw the line when people harass her instead of me about it.
Even if it kills me...
Even if it turns me into something I absolutely hate...
I can endure hating myself for the rest of my life
I can't endure people harassing my friends, family or her
about me.
God...
I really don't know what to pray for.
All I pray is...
I hope You'll have Your way with me.
I'm applying to Red Comm, and asked my friend if his company needs more editors. His skills are more or less the same as mine in editing, so it shouldn't be a problem if they do need more.
God help me, I'm getting a job even if it means I never have the time or energy or mood to spend with other people anymore.
I guess I'm casting the rest of my cares away now. For the sake of proving the reason why I've been so afraid of going back to the same place that I was before.
My hands are shivering, my heart has sank, and I'm holding back tears even as I'm trying to send my resume. Shit.
posted by Liil Masks at 8:18 am
3 Comments:
Dude, dun worry lar. Its gonna be okay. If you are turning into something you are not, you'll bound to find your way out one day coz your friends are always there for you.
You are not having a trauma. You are having denials. Its a way of life. You have to set foot into the next phase and learn new things. Whether you accept it or not, its what life is. So no worries kay?
hey, everyone have their moments like this. Just let it be.
"Don't worry, be happy" my friend ;)
every thing will get right when the time comes
hey there,
maybe u should face ur fears instead of running away from it.
and when u face it, u'll find a way to conquer it. :)
disappointment is just an expression to let us know that there's still room for improvement.
and if crying do make u feel better, it's ok to cry.
who says that only the weak cries?
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