Raining Down the Jagged Chimney

I tried writing a poem for the start of this post, but i figured it would take too long, and besides being really tired I'm also having some stupid flu and need to rest. 1.30am... And I have work tomorrow! Hurray.

I made her cry...

Not in a bad way, but I guess she was touched with the superbly long sms I sent (7 msgs). She was having trouble at work and was depressed about going back to work tomorrow cuz she's probably gonna get a big shelling from her boss.

In my long 7 page sms, I basically sent a prayer to her. I prayed that God would remind her that He would be there for her, that no matter what happened, or what mistakes she made, He would always love and care for her. I asked Him to take her burden off of her, and teach her not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. I asked Him to soften her boss's heart, and let her off easier (long shot, but worth a try... ahaha). I asked Him to let her have a good rest, and wake up refreshed tomorrow.

And again I asked Him to remind her, that He would always be there for her.


She replied my message some time later. She said that she wept, and would focus on Him tonight, because He will never give her more than she can manage. She thanked me.


It was my turn to cry.

I have no idea why, but I cried. I shed tears from that message. I'm still feeling a little teary eyed right now.

I don't understand why. I've got a few theories, but none of them are gaining the full approval (or at least majority) of those 5 voices in my head. And since this is solely about me, none of them hold water in my court of decisions.

- I was touched by the message. But why would I be touched?
- I was happy that she would rest well tonight. But why is that? True, I have some feelings for her, but it's not enough to be THAT emotional. At least not on standard terms.
- I was glad that she acknowledged my sms, and was touched about it. I was glad that I touched her heart. Well yes I was glad, but is that enough to bring tears? I barely know her.

- I'm joyful that God used me to tell her He loves her, and that she accepted the message. Worth thinking about, but without proof. How do I know that message was not something I sent because I was hoping to impress her? I don't know myself. How can I justify myself?

- I was touched by the Holy Spirit, letting me know that I've done a good job in sending her that message. I wanted to catch up to her and pray for her as she left, but she was on the phone and I didn't want to disturb her. I guess it was better that I sent an sms instead of talking face to face; that might've been awkward. Getting touched by the HS meant that yes, God sent the message through me, and I acknowledged His 'command', and did what I should. So my insta-reward, was to let me know, through the HS, that I did good. Pat on head. Would like this to be real...

- I like her. And by knowing that she'll find strength in God to get through the night thanks to my message, made me cry. Cuz:
#1 - I have problems doing the same. OR
#2 - I'm happy cuz she's happy.


Oh well. Conjecture. 5 voices can be quite annoying too. Too many possibilities. Hard to make choices.

And I dunno, the 5 voices thing was coined by Ben. I like the idea though. I think I named the 5 voices before, and I'm likely getting 1 wrong here, but I like this version better:

- The Pros / Positive Thinking
- The Cons / Negative Thinking (I call this Risk Management)
- The Saint / Christian Thinking (answers based on what a Christian would say)
- The World / Secular Thinking (what the rest of the non-Christian world would say)
- The Random / Random (i think you like chicken.)


Anyway... Yes, I like her. I don't know how we would gel together, cuz I haven't tried. Maybe I will. But again, I'm afraid of my emotions. CSY knows damn well how my emotions tend to flutter like a butterfly, and how i can like a person too easily. So I'm afraid. Afraid this might be another time like that.


I don't know.

And I won't, until I correct my spiritual life.

Which I hope will be soon

getting very lonely...


Goodnight God.

Take care of her.


P.S. - My title actually refers to me crying, and having a sore throat, plus a flu. Don't know where the flu comes in but oh well...