Mistakes and Realizations
Mistakes
M said she wasn't with her ex-bf. She said he has a new gf. She said she herself was single.
She lied. Again.
In the forums I frequent (which I am also a part of, which both of them are also a part of) I happened upon a few posts, involving M and her so-called ex-bf. It went more or less like this:
M:
So we'll all go together! I'll bring my fiance along! Hey SH (her ex-bf) bring your girlfriend too nya? *nudge nudge*
SH:
*swt* Isn't that you dear?
One thing I know very well about SH is that he sucks at lying. He can't pass off a lie to me and make me believe it. He just can't. The tone of his voice, the way he says things, everything is just too obvious to me. And I know he wasn't lying with the above statement.
And she defended the "fact" that she was not with her ex-bf till the boiling point. What does that show to me?
Other than a big fat liar, I can't say anything else.
And M, you know who you are, if you are reading this, I urge that you leave this blog, delete the address and never return here again. This is because I did NOT invite you to read into my personal life like I invited the other people who do. These are the people I trust and do not lie to me, from petty things to big things. Yes, I am saying this - I don't trust you.
Realizations
SY has been a wonderful girl from the first time I knew her till now. Yes she may be a little more rough and revengeful than I'd have liked her to be, but it's in human nature to want revenge. Everyone has different levels and ways to control it, that's all.
And I was wrong about her. I guess I was still hurt from the FACT that I had been played by a person I put my devotion and care into. I still can't get over that fact. Tolerating M's presence during a recent outing was, in my point of view, truly amirable despite the level of which I really wished I never ever met her. I even waved at her to take a step towards forgiving her. Yes, I can't say I've forgiven her, with the basic reason cuz I really can't find the grace to.
Anyway, back to SY. She said that she wasn't moved by her 'pet brother's' thoughts and words about me. She said that even if they would disagree, if she really wanted, she would still go ahead with me. Something about her tone, the words she used and the way she said it made me believe her. Maybe because I really wanted to believe it. Maybe because I'm just being naive, I don't know for sure. All I know is that the next time I find myself in a relationship, I'm going to take extra precautions. Unless of course, I truly love the person.
Which also makes me realise how thankful I am that SY opted not to continue what we had going. We were moving too fast for her, and we weren't supposed to be that close before her exams ended. I guess I have to admit that I wanted to move fast, being the physical and insecure person I am. If you're reading this SY, I want to say I'm sorry for ever moving that way. I really wanted someone to talk to... To... Assure me that I still bring meaning to someone's life and am not a toy for people to play with... I rushed everything and well... You did a wise thing to stop it there and then. We're still moving along fine, being friends and I'm glad she made that choice. I could have ruined yet another friendship - which I really don't want to.
And to say the least, though she sort of attacked me in a way, I am glad that HM still reads my blog. For whatever reasons she has, I believe that deep down in her heart, she still is the person I once knew her to be. I still care for that person who was the best Christian friend I ever knew. Yes, our meeting was short, but from that meeting I learnt so much that 2 months was really worth it. I just wish she could come back to being the person I once knew. I understand that bitter times at home and college life can lead someone astray. But God will forgive, because God still loves. Trials in life are there because God put them there to help you grow and mature. He never puts anything too much for you to handle.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2)
M said she wasn't with her ex-bf. She said he has a new gf. She said she herself was single.
She lied. Again.
In the forums I frequent (which I am also a part of, which both of them are also a part of) I happened upon a few posts, involving M and her so-called ex-bf. It went more or less like this:
M:
So we'll all go together! I'll bring my fiance along! Hey SH (her ex-bf) bring your girlfriend too nya? *nudge nudge*
SH:
*swt* Isn't that you dear?
One thing I know very well about SH is that he sucks at lying. He can't pass off a lie to me and make me believe it. He just can't. The tone of his voice, the way he says things, everything is just too obvious to me. And I know he wasn't lying with the above statement.
And she defended the "fact" that she was not with her ex-bf till the boiling point. What does that show to me?
Other than a big fat liar, I can't say anything else.
And M, you know who you are, if you are reading this, I urge that you leave this blog, delete the address and never return here again. This is because I did NOT invite you to read into my personal life like I invited the other people who do. These are the people I trust and do not lie to me, from petty things to big things. Yes, I am saying this - I don't trust you.
Realizations
SY has been a wonderful girl from the first time I knew her till now. Yes she may be a little more rough and revengeful than I'd have liked her to be, but it's in human nature to want revenge. Everyone has different levels and ways to control it, that's all.
And I was wrong about her. I guess I was still hurt from the FACT that I had been played by a person I put my devotion and care into. I still can't get over that fact. Tolerating M's presence during a recent outing was, in my point of view, truly amirable despite the level of which I really wished I never ever met her. I even waved at her to take a step towards forgiving her. Yes, I can't say I've forgiven her, with the basic reason cuz I really can't find the grace to.
Anyway, back to SY. She said that she wasn't moved by her 'pet brother's' thoughts and words about me. She said that even if they would disagree, if she really wanted, she would still go ahead with me. Something about her tone, the words she used and the way she said it made me believe her. Maybe because I really wanted to believe it. Maybe because I'm just being naive, I don't know for sure. All I know is that the next time I find myself in a relationship, I'm going to take extra precautions. Unless of course, I truly love the person.
Which also makes me realise how thankful I am that SY opted not to continue what we had going. We were moving too fast for her, and we weren't supposed to be that close before her exams ended. I guess I have to admit that I wanted to move fast, being the physical and insecure person I am. If you're reading this SY, I want to say I'm sorry for ever moving that way. I really wanted someone to talk to... To... Assure me that I still bring meaning to someone's life and am not a toy for people to play with... I rushed everything and well... You did a wise thing to stop it there and then. We're still moving along fine, being friends and I'm glad she made that choice. I could have ruined yet another friendship - which I really don't want to.
And to say the least, though she sort of attacked me in a way, I am glad that HM still reads my blog. For whatever reasons she has, I believe that deep down in her heart, she still is the person I once knew her to be. I still care for that person who was the best Christian friend I ever knew. Yes, our meeting was short, but from that meeting I learnt so much that 2 months was really worth it. I just wish she could come back to being the person I once knew. I understand that bitter times at home and college life can lead someone astray. But God will forgive, because God still loves. Trials in life are there because God put them there to help you grow and mature. He never puts anything too much for you to handle.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2)
posted by Liil Masks at 9:40 am
1 Comments:
I'm glad you realized that SY isn't someone who can be moved around easily by what others think. She's someone whose true to her thoughts, and even if I did dislike you (which isn't the case, nor is it true), she wouldn't go around "making me happy", nor would I interfere with her personal life.
I think we all know, that in life "You can't help who you love" meaning you can't choose. If she really loved you, I wouldn't go against it nor would I barrier against it. It's the same for me as it is for her. We respect each other's wishes enough to not be immature about it.
But I'm glad you realized she's not that type of person. She's a really sweet girl, nicer than most I know and more truthful to herself than most I know as well.
As I told you before btw, I don't dislike you, I think you're an okay person infact. And no, I won't lie to you about what I think of others.
Last of all, I'm Christian as well.. maybe not as devout and book-binded as most, but still am.
Anyways, take care.. and if you don't like me reading your blog, just tell me and I'll respect your wishes.
-MM (as you call me, lol)
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