Insanity

I. Am. Losing. It.



I may have integrity as a person.

But do I have integrity as a Christian?



What do I want in life?

What is my GOAL in life?

Where do I find these answers?

I can't ask myself. I don't know what I want, nor do I know my goal.



Many times I just feel like falling on the floor, unconscious. And let my responsibilities and duties as a person, as a friend, as a son, and as a brother, just fade away while I forget about everything.

But I'm a responsible person. As much as the world chooses to deny I am, I will believe that I am. What I am commissioned to do, what my duties are, I will execute to the best I believe I can. If I say I will do, I mean I will do. Unless circumstances come up in the last minute and don't allow me to do so, then it's out of my power. If it's within my capabilities, I will do. What I do in between time doesn't matter to me, because it's in between time. If the world expects me to sit idly by and look at something just to wait for it to be done when I can be doing something else for my own leisure, then forget it. That's not how I work.

Why must the world force me to succumb to the way it chooses to believe is the right/only way to work, when I can de-stress and enjoy myself while waiting for something to be done? I make use of extra time, and the world accusses me of wasting time. What illogical nonsense.



Anyways...

I'm seriously losing it.

Too many drastic changes in emotions resulting in sudden strong urges to do something stupid.

I think I need anesthetics.

or however it's spelt.





God...

I know I mean something. But I feel like I don't mean anything.

What I do keeps me away from You. Yet what I do somehow keeps me happy.

Danged endorphins.



Bless my blogreaders.

And bless Ben for his 22nd birthday. :)

Good night.