Can you pronounce Oh-Vuh-Well-Ming?
The Tale of the Falcon and the Nightingale who dwelled in the wings of the Great Eagle.
The falcon soars above the skies (technically above the skies is impossible, but let's ignore that for poetic reasons), going on with its day as it always has. T'was to be another day where it would fly with friends, parading its splendour along with others to entrance the other animals with a magnificent display of aerodynamics, together with a group of close friends. Among such were a tanned flamingo, a rather disorientated stork with diamonds in its eyes, a rowdy day-owl, and some other birds that were common to sight.
However, today was to be a special day indeed. Instead of following routine, this falcon decided to stray from its parental kin and flew off to seek its own adventures for a day. It came upon a place where many animals gathered, dancing and singing in their own special way.
So it rested upon a branch in a corner with some other animalfolk, enjoying the music they made.
Then it came.
A group of different animals took the stage, and started singing in a harmonious manner. All the other animals quietened down, even the clouds lent their shade as the sun shone through at certain spots, lighting up specific areas.
The nightingale was also there.
When it came for the nightingale's turn to sing, her voice flowed through the air, striking the hearts of all the animals that heard it. It sang a sweet melody in a fast and up-tempo beat, and ended with a bright, high finish, before continuing with the rest of the stage.
For a moment, the bird that sat in that corner was awestruck.
This little nightingale had been in that little flock he had joined too. While in there however, the sweet feather had always seemed to be tired and did not seem to enjoy itself to its fullest.
Here however, being lifted of the restraint of the stress from the grumpy owl, it sang of its own accord, praising the Great Eagle that soared higher than any sky.
Alighting off the branch after it had all passed, it flew off with a friend he knew for a short while. They enjoyed some fishing and fun time, before the friend's parents came to take him home.
Left alone, its mind started to wander.
It had flew on its own for some time now. While it had parents to watch over it, flying solo was still preferred. It would rather soar with friends, but friends that flew to such heights and with such free time were not easy to find. They had homes to attend to, their own responsibilities to look after.
Yet as much and as majestic as it flew, the voice played on in its head.
It had been told by its family that it had talent, that it had been gifted with much.
Yet even with all that... There still lacked something, something that put the little songbird above itself in... In so many aspects.
It could only fly higher. And faster. And perhaps eat more.
But it could not sing better. It could not entrance other animals better. It didn't even come close to that serene sound. All that came out were some squawks and chirps that were probably in-tune. Or not.
There was something missing. It knew what it was, but it didn't know how to get there.
For that little nightingale could fly higher than any sky, and fly beneath the wings of the Great Eagle, chirping away with it in ease, flying closely beside, and ocassionaly resting on its magnificent wings.
Yet no matter how hard this falcon tried, it could not fly any higher than it already could. There were miles between it and the Great Eagle; so far was it apart that it couldn't even see the Great Eagle. It knew the magnificent One was there, yet, it could fly no higher than its its wings could carry.
How could the little bird, smaller than it was, fly higher?
Perhaps it was because it flew beneath the Great One's wings, always seeking shelter beneath it, riding the wind as it came and being shielded by the great wings.
But the falcon couldn't understand that. It didn't know how.
It didn't know how.
Later in the day, it grouped up with the little band of friends, ready for another day's worth of routine.
Feeling entirely nervous, it tried to chirp to the little bird of song. But its nervousness took up most of it, and the chirp became a squawk. The nightingale, used to hearing the falcon squawk, chirped back matter-of-factly but politely, and dismissed it.
Dejected by its own foolishness, the falcon hopped back to its position, and remained silent unless required.
Even if it sat close, it felt they were of great winds apart. As great as the great sea-winds that blew the migratory swallows from the north to the south.
Leaving the collection of animals after the routines were over, it looked up into the night sky, staring aimlessly at the stars.
Would it ever find that which was missing from its flight?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My driving is horribly atrocious at times. I seriously need to learn to be patient on the road.
Need more patience.
I'm not a doctor. I have no patients.
God...
I can't see Motivation anymore.
I'm starting to really dislike the angels You send to me now. They come for such a short period of time, and just when I get attached, You take them away.
That doesn't mean I'm not thankful for them. I'm thankful that You've cared for me enough to put them in my life to help me grow. I just... Don't like it when you take them away. Yeah I know I'll probably hang onto them like a crutch, so I know it's for the best. Still I want to complain T_T
I learnt today that a dysfunctional family brings up dysfunctional children.
Therefore, I'm a dysfunctional child. A child without its father grows with insecurity. I know I have insecurity issues. I know that I have problems with moving through stages of life. Everything that preacher said today was so true.
BUT
The one thing that went wrong was the statistics.
Statistics show that because of this, I am sealed to be a delinquent.
Unless You come into the picture.
Which I believe You did. At a very early stage of my life. You reminded me of You, that You would always be there.
And I remembered. So even though my family would fall to pieces, You would always be there.
But now I deal with the issues of moving through life's stages. I deal with insecurity.
I have a stepfather, but he is no father to me.
I have a real father, but I don't even know where he is.
I only have You, the Abba Father.
But... I see You as God, the supreme being, the creator of the universe, the One who is Holy and Just.
I... Can't run up to You and hug You. I, with the fear and the insufficiency of my mind cower before You, falling to my face and bowing, with no courage to stand up and to look at Your face.
I know You love me. I know my mother loves me.
But... I do not understand this... Love. My heart may have known it in the past, but I do not know it now.
I know the definitions of love. I can preach love and have people believe strongly in me.
Yet I myself, do not understand this love.
I know the acts, I know the responsibilities.
I do not know the feeling. The feeling to be loved.
I need to know the feeling.
I want to, and I need to.
I've lived life for so long, with little to talk to, except my blog.
I am a coward for I fear of talking face to face, mouth to mouth. My words do not come out, my auto system will only permit me to say that I am fine. Because I have perseverance and strong will-power for the things I need to do to survive, I know that I will always be fine, therefore, I do not lie.
Yet... I wish to talk of all these... These strange feelings deep inside that always seem to hurt me, to make the blue skies turn to grey clouds, to make every step to be filled with weights and burdens. Of these, I fight with my own strength. I prevail at most, but my strength will not last forever.
I wish for someone to show me how to take some of these weights off me, and give them to Jesus, who promises to carry them with me. Or rather, who promises to carry all of them for me, that I may walk in nimbleness.
I do not know who to turn to. There are little I trust, and fewer still who would be willing to do so, with the heart to help.
After all, if they don't ask to help, it feels as if they don't truly care.
And my heart's confused.
I'm torn between selfishness, and selflessness which has the possibility of really being insecurity and self-pity instead.
And... Right now...
I won't complain that life isn't fair. I've gone past that stage. "Life isn't fair, but God is good."
For me, it's "Life isn't fair, so complain about it 239482546 times a day and it still won't change. Better just live with it and make it fair for yourself and the ones you care for as much as possible."
But... I will say that rite now, at this very brief moment
I'm tired of life.
I'm tired of trying to live life righteously. I'm tired of trying to be nice to everyone. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. I'm tired of sucking up to people who make incoherent remarks that ultimately contradict themselves. I'm tired of waiting forever for something that will probably never come, from past doings of my own, and from my own stupidity. I'm tired of seeking security from people and draining their energy in doing so.
I'm tired of who I am. And who I'm trying to become.
For this brief moment...
I'm tired of being me.
I just wish... I could sleep in a deep coma and never wake up.
Or just die in my sleep tonight. That would save hospital costs.
Before the part of me that nags away about my responsibility to those I care for and to those I love, and to those whom I will be a vessel of God to save in the future takes over,
I just wish everything would end right now.
Living life by willpower alone is draining to both my willpower, and my mind.
I need God's strength, and God's love to continue fighting that fight.
But I don't know how to get it. I've asked, but I haven't gotten it.
There's something I'm missing.
Something I hope to find soon.
Hope to.
God
Bless Jas, Jun, Ivan, Ben, and Sylkis, if she does still read this blog. And CSY too, for always being there for a sensible chat when I need her.
And all you blogreaders who faithfully read through my insecurity issues. Or maybe you just skip them all. Who knows? I thank you anyway. So, God bless you too. :)
And... I'm so gonna die in the office tomorrow and wake up a zombie. Haven't even bathed.
Goodnight.
The falcon soars above the skies (technically above the skies is impossible, but let's ignore that for poetic reasons), going on with its day as it always has. T'was to be another day where it would fly with friends, parading its splendour along with others to entrance the other animals with a magnificent display of aerodynamics, together with a group of close friends. Among such were a tanned flamingo, a rather disorientated stork with diamonds in its eyes, a rowdy day-owl, and some other birds that were common to sight.
However, today was to be a special day indeed. Instead of following routine, this falcon decided to stray from its parental kin and flew off to seek its own adventures for a day. It came upon a place where many animals gathered, dancing and singing in their own special way.
So it rested upon a branch in a corner with some other animalfolk, enjoying the music they made.
Then it came.
A group of different animals took the stage, and started singing in a harmonious manner. All the other animals quietened down, even the clouds lent their shade as the sun shone through at certain spots, lighting up specific areas.
The nightingale was also there.
When it came for the nightingale's turn to sing, her voice flowed through the air, striking the hearts of all the animals that heard it. It sang a sweet melody in a fast and up-tempo beat, and ended with a bright, high finish, before continuing with the rest of the stage.
For a moment, the bird that sat in that corner was awestruck.
This little nightingale had been in that little flock he had joined too. While in there however, the sweet feather had always seemed to be tired and did not seem to enjoy itself to its fullest.
Here however, being lifted of the restraint of the stress from the grumpy owl, it sang of its own accord, praising the Great Eagle that soared higher than any sky.
Alighting off the branch after it had all passed, it flew off with a friend he knew for a short while. They enjoyed some fishing and fun time, before the friend's parents came to take him home.
Left alone, its mind started to wander.
It had flew on its own for some time now. While it had parents to watch over it, flying solo was still preferred. It would rather soar with friends, but friends that flew to such heights and with such free time were not easy to find. They had homes to attend to, their own responsibilities to look after.
Yet as much and as majestic as it flew, the voice played on in its head.
It had been told by its family that it had talent, that it had been gifted with much.
Yet even with all that... There still lacked something, something that put the little songbird above itself in... In so many aspects.
It could only fly higher. And faster. And perhaps eat more.
But it could not sing better. It could not entrance other animals better. It didn't even come close to that serene sound. All that came out were some squawks and chirps that were probably in-tune. Or not.
There was something missing. It knew what it was, but it didn't know how to get there.
For that little nightingale could fly higher than any sky, and fly beneath the wings of the Great Eagle, chirping away with it in ease, flying closely beside, and ocassionaly resting on its magnificent wings.
Yet no matter how hard this falcon tried, it could not fly any higher than it already could. There were miles between it and the Great Eagle; so far was it apart that it couldn't even see the Great Eagle. It knew the magnificent One was there, yet, it could fly no higher than its its wings could carry.
How could the little bird, smaller than it was, fly higher?
Perhaps it was because it flew beneath the Great One's wings, always seeking shelter beneath it, riding the wind as it came and being shielded by the great wings.
But the falcon couldn't understand that. It didn't know how.
It didn't know how.
Later in the day, it grouped up with the little band of friends, ready for another day's worth of routine.
Feeling entirely nervous, it tried to chirp to the little bird of song. But its nervousness took up most of it, and the chirp became a squawk. The nightingale, used to hearing the falcon squawk, chirped back matter-of-factly but politely, and dismissed it.
Dejected by its own foolishness, the falcon hopped back to its position, and remained silent unless required.
Even if it sat close, it felt they were of great winds apart. As great as the great sea-winds that blew the migratory swallows from the north to the south.
Leaving the collection of animals after the routines were over, it looked up into the night sky, staring aimlessly at the stars.
Would it ever find that which was missing from its flight?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My driving is horribly atrocious at times. I seriously need to learn to be patient on the road.
Need more patience.
I'm not a doctor. I have no patients.
God...
I can't see Motivation anymore.
I'm starting to really dislike the angels You send to me now. They come for such a short period of time, and just when I get attached, You take them away.
That doesn't mean I'm not thankful for them. I'm thankful that You've cared for me enough to put them in my life to help me grow. I just... Don't like it when you take them away. Yeah I know I'll probably hang onto them like a crutch, so I know it's for the best. Still I want to complain T_T
I learnt today that a dysfunctional family brings up dysfunctional children.
Therefore, I'm a dysfunctional child. A child without its father grows with insecurity. I know I have insecurity issues. I know that I have problems with moving through stages of life. Everything that preacher said today was so true.
BUT
The one thing that went wrong was the statistics.
Statistics show that because of this, I am sealed to be a delinquent.
Unless You come into the picture.
Which I believe You did. At a very early stage of my life. You reminded me of You, that You would always be there.
And I remembered. So even though my family would fall to pieces, You would always be there.
But now I deal with the issues of moving through life's stages. I deal with insecurity.
I have a stepfather, but he is no father to me.
I have a real father, but I don't even know where he is.
I only have You, the Abba Father.
But... I see You as God, the supreme being, the creator of the universe, the One who is Holy and Just.
I... Can't run up to You and hug You. I, with the fear and the insufficiency of my mind cower before You, falling to my face and bowing, with no courage to stand up and to look at Your face.
I know You love me. I know my mother loves me.
But... I do not understand this... Love. My heart may have known it in the past, but I do not know it now.
I know the definitions of love. I can preach love and have people believe strongly in me.
Yet I myself, do not understand this love.
I know the acts, I know the responsibilities.
I do not know the feeling. The feeling to be loved.
I need to know the feeling.
I want to, and I need to.
I've lived life for so long, with little to talk to, except my blog.
I am a coward for I fear of talking face to face, mouth to mouth. My words do not come out, my auto system will only permit me to say that I am fine. Because I have perseverance and strong will-power for the things I need to do to survive, I know that I will always be fine, therefore, I do not lie.
Yet... I wish to talk of all these... These strange feelings deep inside that always seem to hurt me, to make the blue skies turn to grey clouds, to make every step to be filled with weights and burdens. Of these, I fight with my own strength. I prevail at most, but my strength will not last forever.
I wish for someone to show me how to take some of these weights off me, and give them to Jesus, who promises to carry them with me. Or rather, who promises to carry all of them for me, that I may walk in nimbleness.
I do not know who to turn to. There are little I trust, and fewer still who would be willing to do so, with the heart to help.
After all, if they don't ask to help, it feels as if they don't truly care.
And my heart's confused.
I'm torn between selfishness, and selflessness which has the possibility of really being insecurity and self-pity instead.
And... Right now...
I won't complain that life isn't fair. I've gone past that stage. "Life isn't fair, but God is good."
For me, it's "Life isn't fair, so complain about it 239482546 times a day and it still won't change. Better just live with it and make it fair for yourself and the ones you care for as much as possible."
But... I will say that rite now, at this very brief moment
I'm tired of life.
I'm tired of trying to live life righteously. I'm tired of trying to be nice to everyone. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. I'm tired of sucking up to people who make incoherent remarks that ultimately contradict themselves. I'm tired of waiting forever for something that will probably never come, from past doings of my own, and from my own stupidity. I'm tired of seeking security from people and draining their energy in doing so.
I'm tired of who I am. And who I'm trying to become.
For this brief moment...
I'm tired of being me.
I just wish... I could sleep in a deep coma and never wake up.
Or just die in my sleep tonight. That would save hospital costs.
Before the part of me that nags away about my responsibility to those I care for and to those I love, and to those whom I will be a vessel of God to save in the future takes over,
I just wish everything would end right now.
Living life by willpower alone is draining to both my willpower, and my mind.
I need God's strength, and God's love to continue fighting that fight.
But I don't know how to get it. I've asked, but I haven't gotten it.
There's something I'm missing.
Something I hope to find soon.
Hope to.
God
Bless Jas, Jun, Ivan, Ben, and Sylkis, if she does still read this blog. And CSY too, for always being there for a sensible chat when I need her.
And all you blogreaders who faithfully read through my insecurity issues. Or maybe you just skip them all. Who knows? I thank you anyway. So, God bless you too. :)
And... I'm so gonna die in the office tomorrow and wake up a zombie. Haven't even bathed.
Goodnight.
posted by Liil Masks at 9:49 am
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