Wallowing in the Mud Doesn't Make Your Skin Smoother.

This post is mostly directed to someone.

I'm not telling, so you can guess till eternity comes :P



Do NOT ever think that getting on with life is selfish. When someone refuses to understand the situation, you are not at fault for leaving them the way they are. It is their own fault for being stubborn and refusing to comprehend the situation and look for the best way out of it.

Do NOT ever think it's selfish. Because if you do, and you try your best to convince the person and go out with him out of guilt, you're being stupid. Yes stupid. He will NOT appreciate you for what you are doing simply because it would make things easier for him, yet more difficult for you. A relationship is about sacrifices for the better of BOTH sides. If the relationship is initiated by a sacrifice on ONE side while the other stand only to gain, then it has been wrong from the very start.


Of course, he also hopes for the third situation to happen. As of the moment, while his heart wants more, it's truly what's best for him. The heart will always want what it cannot get/achieve, and therefore one who doesn't control his heart will never be satisfied, and be consumed with greed. The fact that he battles and tries to stop himself from really unleashing everything his heart truly desires shows that he wants to try. That he respects your decision despite everything he stands to gain. That he hasn't lost his dignity.

Self-praising and trying to convey what he truly feels is different too lol.

End of discussion :P

~~~~~

You haven't read my previous posts, so I'll save you the time and tell you straight out here. I think I may have a problem. My emotions can fluctuate very easily, from happy to sad and vice versa within a few minutes. It's been happening for a while now. My family history will say that I have developed a way to internalize my emotions. Basically to hide them. Hiding hurts in your heart isn't a good idea, as sooner or later it will escape. Perhaps that is what's happening. Perhaps it is not. I don't know any basic psychology, but I can at least say what I think may be happening. It may be an actual problem. It may be purely in my head, and all I need to do is purge it and I'll be a normal person. The fact that I don't know which it is, and I don't know how to purge it doesn't help either.

Depression... I've been depressed a lot. My hotmail address should've hinted this on first sight. I'm also a borderline extrovert, where I gain strength and endorphins from being around friends, and lose them fast when I'm alone. I blog alone most of the time and usually in the middle of the night, so that counts for some of it.

And I could go on and on about scientific and logical explanations.



But there isn't a point.

You gave your view. I accepted that. I'm trying my best to handle it. It's not easy to handle losing something you've searched for a horribly long time, even to the point of believing such a thing doesn't exist. Pardon me for saying. But I really do think that about you.

And what's more, you're strong in your faith, and that makes me want to increase my faith as well.

But this is also the reason why I stated I didn't want to start anything (even though my actions betray me). I know I'm emotionally and spiritually weak. Even if we DID start something, I would be depressed even more, knowing that I cannot support you at my current state. I would see myself as useless, and would further drag you down, slowing your spiritual growth, and hampering your studies.

That's why I said to not worry about me. I've been through this, I will get through it again. I cannot allow my state of mind and self to affect your studies, especially in this crucial time. If I continue to be this way, then be selfish to a point as you see fit. I won't blame you. My promise to you is that I will get out of this, through God's help and using God's way. It may take time, but I will.



The fact that you still want to try to be friends with me, makes me think that there's something in me that you can see; that I don't see. Either that or you're just really nice x_x



And once again, I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. Just sit and watch, I'll catch up.

And I'll aim for 3 too. If you'll allow it. :)


Thanks.



God

Thank you.


God bless Jas, Jun, Ivan, Ben, and Sylkis.

And all my blogreaders.