From the Words of a Broken Heart It's Just Emotions Taking Me Over

Tied up in Sorrow, Lost in a Song?

Never could get the lyrics. That's one thing I don't like about modern music; you can barely hear the lyrics right. ALWAYS need to go search it up on the net or you'll never get it.


AAAaaaanyway to the main topic of the day

I got rejected! 8D

Well not really. I never really even asked anyway. It's kinda in a very VERY indirect manner (I gave her my post links to read), and she answered ALSO in a very VERY indirect manner:

"I think you've jumped ahead of God."

Dang. Four extremely long posts and I get 8 words in reply T_T

Well I guess I should be thankful I got a reply at all. I know most people would be totally avoiding me by now.

Why couldn't I just get along with her as a normal friend? Like I do all the time? How did I lose my cool?

I've got no idea. Ugh. I'm being reeled in so badly. Sadly though, she flirts with other guys (kinda friendly flirt thing), but she doesn't flirt with me. No, you don't. Seriously. I'm starting to feel left out LOL

Well... I'm just hoping we could start over. Or rather I'm hoping she'll give me a chance to start over as friends with her. Hopefully, I can kick all that extra stuff out, and start being friends.



And about jumping ahead of God...


Probably accurately true. Besides the fact that she reads me like an open book with font size 200 (forgot last number I used), she's also the stronger Christian.

Hmm... Is this my first rejection? Yeah I think so. I mean as in losing before it even starts. Previously it's been 'trying to get back together'. This I think is the first 'Loss from the start'.

Wow. You've now officially made history in my life. lol.

But she probably doesn't read my blog anyway. So why am I addressing her? She's got plenty of friends to think about, besides her already busy lifestyle. Who am I to her? I'm just another guy who's got the crazed hots for her, that's all. I'm probably not even ranked NEAR being anywhere above 'aquaintance' level at all, seeing that my messages are usually not even worth spending time replying. Yeah I know that sounds really mean, but that's how I really feel and think at the moment. Other possibilities are always there as usual, but this is my strongest feeling. And I value honesty a lot.

Like how she said that I mentioned in one of my posts that she could lose some weight. I know it was mean (where did I say that? @@;;), but I want to be honest. And hey, that's being quite neutral already.

Then again, about half the choir could lose some weight. Me included.

*sigh*

God... Do speak to me, please. I've tried the reading the Bible thing, but everything I seem to get is hardly related to anything relevant at all. I'm thinking what should I do in my current situation and I flip and end up at Psalms, talking about some totally unrelated thing whatsoever. Unrelated meaning I can't find any relation at all.

I want to hear Your voice. The way she does, perhaps. I want to hear, to know what to do. I want confirmation on so many stuff. I like my life planned out. Sure I do well with spontaenous adjustments, but that doesn't mean I like it. I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid of losing what I have, and gaining more bads than goods. I'm afraid of losing the things I cherish the most. Truthfully speaking, I might also be afraid of losing her.

But no, I can't talk about her anymore. While she will continue to live life walking in Your ways, I cannot continue obsessing in her any longer. While depression will probably continue to wave in and out after every other hour, I cannot allow myself to continually try to barge into her life. That's not me. That's not my style. When a lady asks me to back off, I respect her wishes. Maybe that makes me a wimp and a wuss, maybe people say I should continually pursue her, cuz some girls like persistancy. Sorry, but I'm not someone who can stand another person continually annoying me to no end and never understanding the word "STOP", so I will not do the same.

Uh, headache, hungry. Bak kut teh craving.



Anyway, I'll be starting my livejournal posts soon. I've been getting a lot of encouraging trains of thought lately, so I'll be posting these encouraging posts in my LJ (since I can tag them). I just hope that if I get them while not at the comp, I can remember them enough to post them up. So once it's up, if you ever need encouragement or explanations to stuff, do visit my livejournal.

Also if you need any explanations or need help with certain problems, drop me an e-mail. I'll reply via my LJ (annonymous of course). I guess it'll be a like a 'big brother' website thing.

Well, I never had a father/brother/sister (older of course) figure in my life, so I wanna at least help those around me. I will of course, try my best to let God do the talking (typing?), if He will speak (type) through me that is. That is, if I'm not too insensitive to Him to not be able to hear Him. Which I probably am. But I'll try anyway. So yeah, the answers will be Christian based, meaning I won't say stuff that will defy Christianity guidelines and all. I MAY give a 'worldly' point of view for certain things though, just to include of things that may be happening as of late.


Anyways, I'm getting really hungry. I've got 3/4 a mind to sneak out to eat Bak kut teh rite now. Really really craving it T_T


God

I'm sorry I don't do quiet time. I'll try to start doing it. For my own sake.

Problem is, doing things for my own sake usually doesn't work.

Blegh.

God, bless Jun, Jas, Ivan, Ben, and Sylkis.

Even if she's not truly aware of me.

Goodnight.