Stitched Lips

It's that time of my life again.

Depression.


I'm starting to wonder why I have these weird mood swings. I don't exactly have period problems (not even a period), so why does my mood swing between the two extremities so easilly?


I've heard this new saying from one of my current lecturers. He said, "When you don't speak, I think you're stupid. When you DO speak, you CONFIRM you're stupid."

Not exactly a very motivating saying in my opinion; not that he's said that to me.


Either ways, I find that maybe he's got a point. On most cases, silence will do wonders to your reputation and first impressions. People don't think you're seeking attention all the time anymore, and on some cases people are glad that certain people remain silent.

And after much thought, I figured it's time I kept my thoughts to myself.

I mean... When people don't ask for extra information and I tell them stuff, some of them tell me that I didn't need to tell them that, they already know OR they don't WANT to know. For others, they mostly ignore me. Even when I have valuable information, they don't seem to care more or less about what I've got to say. It's as if... What I say means nothing.

If there's one thing I really can't stand is being ignored. Especially when I'm trying to tell someone something. If you don't want to listen, say that you don't want to listen and I'll shut up. By ignoring me, you not only hurt me, you hurt me much more than just telling me to close my trap.


So as from now on, stuff I want to say will only be said when I'm asked. It seems that everyone wants me to shut up and they'd be happier that way. I guess it's the best for all. If you call that being selfish, then I'm one of the billions in the world who are. But if you DO ask, if it's not private and confidential, I'll tell. That has always been a promise I make to everyone and I keep my promises.




As for helping people...

Well... I agree that many people nowadays don't want/need help anymore. I guess I'm just an old fashioned person bent on making the world a better place, trying to love and care and meet the needs of the people around me.

But if help isn't wanted... I guess I can't do anything about that... I've respected people's decisions, and I still will. Just tell me that I'm not needed and I'll buzz off the case. It's not that hard. Just make it understandable to my ears and language and I'll stop.

Maybe that's why some people say I'm a loser and a coward. Cuz I back down after being rejected/dumped. I'm not persistent and won't go after a girl on and on pestering her until she gives in. I'm just not one who will do that. I know how irritating people can be and I don't want to be a thorn in someone's behind.

But whatever you want to think of me, this is who I am. My character may not fully be defined yet; I may become a silent person in my future life and not the hyper character you knew. As of today, I'll keep my mouth shut. I'm sure many people out there will be saying, "OMG FINALLY THANK YOU." I guess I'm doing society a service too...



I'm sorry Kil... You'll have to back down at least until someone persuades me to let you back on... I know you'll understand... And I know you love me... I love you too... But times have changed and people don't appreciate many things in life that come for free anymore... In fact they look suspiciously upon noble acts... But I still look on your noble acts with great admiration... Don't let anyone kill you... I can only protect you till I cease to exist... Once I do... Kil...