Could Be... Who Knows...
I'm tired.
Helped out my grandmother with her jigsaw puzzle today. She's still amazed (I think) at my ability to pick out a single piece out of the depleting 1000 pieces, look at the illustration on the box and pinpoint exactly where it should be, then putting it into place. Just like that.
Seriously come to think of it, I'm rather amazed myself. I doubt anyone (well hardly at least) fixes jigsaw puzzles the way I do. Then again, I don't find it too amazing. Why? Because all I really do is look for a very visible sign/mark on the piece of jigsaw, then find that same visible mark on the illustration. It's really not that hard, especially if you're making a jigsaw that has some scenery on it ( a nice little hut for example, or an underwater scene). I usually leave the common colours (all blue for eg.) the last to fix. However, this time around, the jigsaw itself was mostly the same tone of colours (it's all rather... blurry. It's a picture of the Last Supper) and I had a hard time finding any mark at all to pinpoint, other than the extremely common ones.
At the end of it all, I manage to fix probably about 3/4 in a day of what my grandmother had taken 2-3 weeks to do. Heh. I'm such a cheat.
Well, it's not really cheating just finding the mechanics to the game and using the best technique to move with the mechanics or counter it, depending on what game it is. I guess that's why I'm a gamer. That doesn't like playing new RPGs -_-;;
Anyway, I've still yet to see the final product of my group's last year assignment (remember the video shooting thing). And I've yet to wonder if I can ever get my collection of doraemon comic books back. Both are linked to DA and BLSL. Oh well... I'll probably get the same answers anyway -_-;;
I'm planning on a different cosplay this end of year. I'm trying to get myself a Phantom Of The Opera costume, if possible, by the 8th of April. On the 9th, there's a cosplay competition going on at Sungei Wang (9th prelims, 16th semi finals and 25th finals), starting at 3pm. Only problem is, the costume itself (it's gonna cost quite a bit I'm sure, I've not even started yet), The time on the 9th (Early morning I gotta be up and at church for Easter performance, then afternoon performance, then if I go I gotta speed my way there probably on an LRT to reach by 3pm, then later speed to Bangsar for TCS choir practice at 7pm... I'm gonna be dead tired -_-).
I really wanna go for the cosplay thing. Besides hoping to win a prize, I also wanna see a friend who's gonna cosplay this :
Yeap, that's Rikku from FF X-2, that's a Bikini top and a G-string. Apparently she's gotten permission from the administration to cosplay that. And best still, she's got the body, the personality and the extreme cute look.
Gah. If I was a girl, I'd wish for her body T_T
Anyway, I've planned out my group's cosplay performance script for the end of the year in my head. I ran over the script a few times and found it to be a little bit too talkie (too much dialog). I guess it's fine, provided I can get the guy cosplaying as Sora to mime himself talking... He's a lousy actor really, he doesn't show emotion (other than the constant "I am cool bow to me" look or a smirk and laugh). Gah. How I'd love to stuff some emoticons into his head. The only reason why he's taking the role of the main char (yes main char too GAH) is because he has the height. Or rather the lack of it. The main character is a young kid, and he's got that height.
It doesn't always pay to be tall -_-
Will be doing a Road Safety PSA shoot this coming friday for my course's next shooting assignment with my group. Hopefully this time it'll turn out better than the last one. We're using my script (My lecturer gave me a 4/5! I'm happy :D Though I think I cud've gotten 5/5 is I coloured all the pictures... And didn't submit it late by a day... What was I supposed to do??? I suck badly at drawing, and I had to draw the storyboard out! T_T) and I suppose I get to be director (don't know what my other 2 groupmates, M and CCV? will be doing, since WW [or was it SW?] will be the cameraperson...) . Things are under my control now, and I want to do it to the very very absolute best. It has to be perfect. Lately I've been getting the perfectionist feeling and I really hated our last shoot. It's my major damnit and I want to get good marks! Why don't I get to pick the ones I wanted as teammates??? (the ones I wanted were SW/WW, A2[this is temporary, not the other A and he's a guy] and a person who was repeating the subject. SW/WW because I've worked with her so we know each other better, A2 cuz he does his work and he does his work well, he's basically a good guy to work with, and the guy who was doing a repeat cuz well, he's done it before, though goodness knows why he failed, and he's doing the same thing again. Any person [he seems to be quite bright, though rather talkative and attention seeking OVERtime] would definitely learn by now to concentrate more and to do better right??? However I didn't get them [other than SW/WW] cuz A2 was picked to be a group leader since he knew editing, and the repeat guy was picked by A2. Smart alec.).
Anyway... I'm gonna make sure this time things are done MY way. I'm not a control freak, but I want my marks. And if I have to take charge, I will. It's my major year and I want to score. You don't like my attitude? Take it out on me once this whole thing is over. I can't have anyone jeopardizing my results, especially for this year.
HM once said I'm quite a perfectionist. Turns out that those words were more true than I thought. If I don't get what I want out of my work, I lose heart and give up rather easilly However if I CAN work it out, I want it to be as perfect as possible. I guess I AM somewhat a perfectionist. Eh?
God,
I don't know. I've been rather bitter these days. Bitter, jumpy... Quick to anger... A (the girl A) took a test for people born in February, and I seem to have every single thing written in the description. Inclusive of quick to anger, but doesn't show it. I'm becoming more and more of a typical person... What have I become? Why am I becoming like this...?
I miss hugging and kissing someone. I miss showering love and care over someone (and by someone I mean a girl please). I shower my love over my sister, but she's too small to understand. And she gets on my nerves from time to time as well as being rather rude and disrespectful. I blame it on the pampering her father gives her practically every single day. She gets her way a70% of the time with him anyway. And whenever she becomes impossible to deal with, he starts calling for my mom in a very blameful way, then blames it on my mom that she's not watching her properly. Whose upbringing was it that made her the way she is? When he had been scolding me for talking on the phone too long for a few weeks, immediately the thought came into my mind - That I would wait for the day my sister grows up and reaches my age. Then I'll see if he continues to scold her the same way he scolded me. My expectations are that he won't, even if she continues on and on. And when he asks her to stop, she'll tell him that it's for a while more and continue on and on. I know this sounds a lot like me to my mom... But I'm doing my best to be as responsible as I can. My biggest responsibilities now are to study and get good results. I'm trying. I'm trying.
Sorry God, my ranting just burst out. I don't show my anger, but it doesn't dissipate inside me either. Everyone says that one day it'll explode. It might. If it does, I'd feel much better. Because at the rate I'm going, I'm letting it out bit by bit - turning my anger into bitterness in my everyday life. It's worse than exploding. God, I ask that you'll take away my anger and show me peace...
And God, like I was saying earlier I really miss loving someone. I love my mother, but I feel weird hugging her and kissing her every day. I guess it's a barrier that's built itself after certain events that I can't exactly pinpoint yet. I hope I can soon, and break the barrier. It's not a barrier I particularly like, especially since I love my mom so much.
No what I'm saying is, I miss having a girl in my life, loving her and showering her with care. It makes me sound really bad doesn't it? It means I miss the feeling, not someone. That's bad. For me. I don't like the idea of playing, and if I DO shower love and care on a girl, I want it to mean everything. I want to love HER not the feeling.
Sometimes, I don't know if I'm capable of loving anymore. I feel so void of this feeling inside of me. Especially when I realise that I've been mistreating my mom in so many ways many many times. Though I don't like it, in fact hate and despise it when she uses my guilt to make me do things such as saying that she'll just come back and get scolded by my stepfather for not painting the gate and stuff like that. I utterly hate and despise it when she does that. It makes me feel horrendously guilty and it makes me feel that I'm just being used, but I HAVE to go through being used because I don't want my stepfather to start yelling at her. And recently she's started talking to my maid using me as a 3rd person perspective even though I'm right there. That's EXACTLY what my stepfather does. Even when I'm right there. I hate it. I know they want me to hear it and feel it too, but it makes it worse because those kind of sentences are only used for people you severely hate and want to pretend they're not there and yet talk about them. Of course under certain circumstances people talk like that (such as soldiers talking to themselves loudly about the princessess cuz they were ordered not to talk to them, but they wanted to profess their love for them. That's different. And that's in Mulan II the disney cartoon), but the situations I've been in do not call for that. It hurts. I hate it, despise it and utterly would use both words to mean my dislike about it if such a word existed. Unfortunately my knowledge only knows the excessively used F-swearing word that would mean such a level of hate, but it's cliched and furthermore, rude and vulgar.
God...
I need to sleep. And get up for college tomorrow. Or rather today. Please protect me on my journey there. You know I'll be sleepy while driving, which is rather normal. Please protect me.
And God,
please heal this broken family.
Or at least, the brokenness inside of me. My superglue won't work.
Goodnight.
And blogreader,
God bless you. He loves you, yes He does.
Helped out my grandmother with her jigsaw puzzle today. She's still amazed (I think) at my ability to pick out a single piece out of the depleting 1000 pieces, look at the illustration on the box and pinpoint exactly where it should be, then putting it into place. Just like that.
Seriously come to think of it, I'm rather amazed myself. I doubt anyone (well hardly at least) fixes jigsaw puzzles the way I do. Then again, I don't find it too amazing. Why? Because all I really do is look for a very visible sign/mark on the piece of jigsaw, then find that same visible mark on the illustration. It's really not that hard, especially if you're making a jigsaw that has some scenery on it ( a nice little hut for example, or an underwater scene). I usually leave the common colours (all blue for eg.) the last to fix. However, this time around, the jigsaw itself was mostly the same tone of colours (it's all rather... blurry. It's a picture of the Last Supper) and I had a hard time finding any mark at all to pinpoint, other than the extremely common ones.
At the end of it all, I manage to fix probably about 3/4 in a day of what my grandmother had taken 2-3 weeks to do. Heh. I'm such a cheat.
Well, it's not really cheating just finding the mechanics to the game and using the best technique to move with the mechanics or counter it, depending on what game it is. I guess that's why I'm a gamer. That doesn't like playing new RPGs -_-;;
Anyway, I've still yet to see the final product of my group's last year assignment (remember the video shooting thing). And I've yet to wonder if I can ever get my collection of doraemon comic books back. Both are linked to DA and BLSL. Oh well... I'll probably get the same answers anyway -_-;;
I'm planning on a different cosplay this end of year. I'm trying to get myself a Phantom Of The Opera costume, if possible, by the 8th of April. On the 9th, there's a cosplay competition going on at Sungei Wang (9th prelims, 16th semi finals and 25th finals), starting at 3pm. Only problem is, the costume itself (it's gonna cost quite a bit I'm sure, I've not even started yet), The time on the 9th (Early morning I gotta be up and at church for Easter performance, then afternoon performance, then if I go I gotta speed my way there probably on an LRT to reach by 3pm, then later speed to Bangsar for TCS choir practice at 7pm... I'm gonna be dead tired -_-).
I really wanna go for the cosplay thing. Besides hoping to win a prize, I also wanna see a friend who's gonna cosplay this :
Yeap, that's Rikku from FF X-2, that's a Bikini top and a G-string. Apparently she's gotten permission from the administration to cosplay that. And best still, she's got the body, the personality and the extreme cute look.
Gah. If I was a girl, I'd wish for her body T_T
Anyway, I've planned out my group's cosplay performance script for the end of the year in my head. I ran over the script a few times and found it to be a little bit too talkie (too much dialog). I guess it's fine, provided I can get the guy cosplaying as Sora to mime himself talking... He's a lousy actor really, he doesn't show emotion (other than the constant "I am cool bow to me" look or a smirk and laugh). Gah. How I'd love to stuff some emoticons into his head. The only reason why he's taking the role of the main char (yes main char too GAH) is because he has the height. Or rather the lack of it. The main character is a young kid, and he's got that height.
It doesn't always pay to be tall -_-
Will be doing a Road Safety PSA shoot this coming friday for my course's next shooting assignment with my group. Hopefully this time it'll turn out better than the last one. We're using my script (My lecturer gave me a 4/5! I'm happy :D Though I think I cud've gotten 5/5 is I coloured all the pictures... And didn't submit it late by a day... What was I supposed to do??? I suck badly at drawing, and I had to draw the storyboard out! T_T) and I suppose I get to be director (don't know what my other 2 groupmates, M and CCV? will be doing, since WW [or was it SW?] will be the cameraperson...) . Things are under my control now, and I want to do it to the very very absolute best. It has to be perfect. Lately I've been getting the perfectionist feeling and I really hated our last shoot. It's my major damnit and I want to get good marks! Why don't I get to pick the ones I wanted as teammates??? (the ones I wanted were SW/WW, A2[this is temporary, not the other A and he's a guy] and a person who was repeating the subject. SW/WW because I've worked with her so we know each other better, A2 cuz he does his work and he does his work well, he's basically a good guy to work with, and the guy who was doing a repeat cuz well, he's done it before, though goodness knows why he failed, and he's doing the same thing again. Any person [he seems to be quite bright, though rather talkative and attention seeking OVERtime] would definitely learn by now to concentrate more and to do better right??? However I didn't get them [other than SW/WW] cuz A2 was picked to be a group leader since he knew editing, and the repeat guy was picked by A2. Smart alec.).
Anyway... I'm gonna make sure this time things are done MY way. I'm not a control freak, but I want my marks. And if I have to take charge, I will. It's my major year and I want to score. You don't like my attitude? Take it out on me once this whole thing is over. I can't have anyone jeopardizing my results, especially for this year.
HM once said I'm quite a perfectionist. Turns out that those words were more true than I thought. If I don't get what I want out of my work, I lose heart and give up rather easilly However if I CAN work it out, I want it to be as perfect as possible. I guess I AM somewhat a perfectionist. Eh?
God,
I don't know. I've been rather bitter these days. Bitter, jumpy... Quick to anger... A (the girl A) took a test for people born in February, and I seem to have every single thing written in the description. Inclusive of quick to anger, but doesn't show it. I'm becoming more and more of a typical person... What have I become? Why am I becoming like this...?
I miss hugging and kissing someone. I miss showering love and care over someone (and by someone I mean a girl please). I shower my love over my sister, but she's too small to understand. And she gets on my nerves from time to time as well as being rather rude and disrespectful. I blame it on the pampering her father gives her practically every single day. She gets her way a70% of the time with him anyway. And whenever she becomes impossible to deal with, he starts calling for my mom in a very blameful way, then blames it on my mom that she's not watching her properly. Whose upbringing was it that made her the way she is? When he had been scolding me for talking on the phone too long for a few weeks, immediately the thought came into my mind - That I would wait for the day my sister grows up and reaches my age. Then I'll see if he continues to scold her the same way he scolded me. My expectations are that he won't, even if she continues on and on. And when he asks her to stop, she'll tell him that it's for a while more and continue on and on. I know this sounds a lot like me to my mom... But I'm doing my best to be as responsible as I can. My biggest responsibilities now are to study and get good results. I'm trying. I'm trying.
Sorry God, my ranting just burst out. I don't show my anger, but it doesn't dissipate inside me either. Everyone says that one day it'll explode. It might. If it does, I'd feel much better. Because at the rate I'm going, I'm letting it out bit by bit - turning my anger into bitterness in my everyday life. It's worse than exploding. God, I ask that you'll take away my anger and show me peace...
And God, like I was saying earlier I really miss loving someone. I love my mother, but I feel weird hugging her and kissing her every day. I guess it's a barrier that's built itself after certain events that I can't exactly pinpoint yet. I hope I can soon, and break the barrier. It's not a barrier I particularly like, especially since I love my mom so much.
No what I'm saying is, I miss having a girl in my life, loving her and showering her with care. It makes me sound really bad doesn't it? It means I miss the feeling, not someone. That's bad. For me. I don't like the idea of playing, and if I DO shower love and care on a girl, I want it to mean everything. I want to love HER not the feeling.
Sometimes, I don't know if I'm capable of loving anymore. I feel so void of this feeling inside of me. Especially when I realise that I've been mistreating my mom in so many ways many many times. Though I don't like it, in fact hate and despise it when she uses my guilt to make me do things such as saying that she'll just come back and get scolded by my stepfather for not painting the gate and stuff like that. I utterly hate and despise it when she does that. It makes me feel horrendously guilty and it makes me feel that I'm just being used, but I HAVE to go through being used because I don't want my stepfather to start yelling at her. And recently she's started talking to my maid using me as a 3rd person perspective even though I'm right there. That's EXACTLY what my stepfather does. Even when I'm right there. I hate it. I know they want me to hear it and feel it too, but it makes it worse because those kind of sentences are only used for people you severely hate and want to pretend they're not there and yet talk about them. Of course under certain circumstances people talk like that (such as soldiers talking to themselves loudly about the princessess cuz they were ordered not to talk to them, but they wanted to profess their love for them. That's different. And that's in Mulan II the disney cartoon), but the situations I've been in do not call for that. It hurts. I hate it, despise it and utterly would use both words to mean my dislike about it if such a word existed. Unfortunately my knowledge only knows the excessively used F-swearing word that would mean such a level of hate, but it's cliched and furthermore, rude and vulgar.
God...
I need to sleep. And get up for college tomorrow. Or rather today. Please protect me on my journey there. You know I'll be sleepy while driving, which is rather normal. Please protect me.
And God,
please heal this broken family.
Or at least, the brokenness inside of me. My superglue won't work.
Goodnight.
And blogreader,
God bless you. He loves you, yes He does.
posted by Liil Masks at 9:24 am
2 Comments:
dude.. finally man.. after so long, an update! aahahha.. sorry man about your doraemons but don't worry.. the ones that i borrowed are all nicely here with me.. it's even stacked up following order.. ahhaa.. yes, i was that bored! =p
the ones with diane, well... i guess that's something that you'll have to check up with her.. i do doubt that you'll get it back from her that soon.. she still has my FFX cd too.. but i'll return it to you when i drive to coll aight..
about your other stuff, well... to have a girl to love and pamper and all is nice and i guess we all miss the feeling of being in love.. but i can tell that you miss having a girlfriend too, and not just the feeling.. chill man.. you're still young.. you'll find one soon.. =)
bout your family, it's not really my thing to talk or comment about so i'll leave it in His hands but i'll pray for you man.. that i will do.. =) just hang in there and sleep earlier will ya if you classes the next day.. ish
Son,
I purposely spoke to Sumirah in reference of you for you to hear. Why? Coz I had spoken to you first but you refused to listen nor budge and you outright ignored me. What am I to do? Let you be and take all the disrespect from you?
Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm just so full of PMS these 2 months.
BTW I stopped hugging you in early primary coz you started chasing after girls to hug them. You practically chased Pauline all over the streets to hug her and you were dead seriously wanting to hug her.
Anyway, my brought-up left me not very good at hugging. Do give me a hug once a while especially when I'm down and sad. So many times I've need one but no one was there to give it. That is if you ever noticed lah!
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