Tired, Cold, and a Fading World
I didn't sleep last Thursday night.
Not that I usually sleep at night anyway.
So what's the big deal? Lots of people didn't sleep that night either, rushing their work.
It's cuz I slept about 1/2 an hour after that, that was the problem.
If I want to stay the night through without sleeping, I cannot sleep until I want to sleep completely till the next day. Or I'll have some serious problems.
Which was what happened. I woke up after accidentally dozing off on the couch, watching the video editing I did on a VCD I burned out. I was checking for mistakes. Since I was lying down on the couch, I accidentally dozed off without my knowing at all. 1 second I'm watching the video, and the next I find myself waking up to a paused screen.
I had a bad case of dizziness. Well not exactly the world spinning kind of dizzy, it was the feeling that I could fall asleep any moment without my knowing and the sense of an extremely heavy head which my neck could not support.
It was scary to say the least. I continued video editing for a while and without knowing, I dozed off on the computer table. Again.
When I woke up, I almost cried. Tears were already welling up on my eyes. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of myself. I didn't dare drive at all. Not that I didn't dare, I couldn't bring myself to drive to college by myself in that condition. Me getting into an accident and landing in the hospital wasn't what I was thinking.
I was thinking that if I get into an accident and I DO survive without a coma or a missing limb, my mother's going to get all the scolding from my stepfather. Heck landing in the hospital isn't going to make him stop and think.
I had already tried calling all my friends living nearby who would be capable of driving me or at least FOLLOWING me to college in my car. At least with a friend in the car, he/she could slap me awake and help keep me conscious by constantly talking to me.
None could come.
I had prayed and prayed for God to work a miracle. I would have to drive to college on my own. I tried getting rid of the dizziness as much as I could. I sprayed water on my face, I drank cold water, I ate chocolate and drank a cup of coffee.
Nothing was working.
In desperation, I called ICQX again. I had called him earlier, but he was in college. And his college is some miles away. I had hoped he would be home or on the way home by then. I had explained my situation to him earlier.
My call was cut off while ringing. He smsed me saying he was in class.
My heart sank. I didn't know what to do anymore. Another friend had promised to try to come with me to college earlier. She couldn't make it. Another friend who stayed nearby had to ask her mother for permission. Her mother didn't allow her. Of course she wouldn't. Who would allow their 17 year old daughter to follow a half conscious person to college, especially with that person driving? That's just insane.
I continued to edit as fast as I could with tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't. Yet I had to. I didn't have a choice. It was a group project and though the editing was supposed to be done by someone else, I had to do it because I had the required program and the best editing skills in the group. I had to finish it and be there before the presentation was over. It starts at 3pm, and it was already 1:45pm. I needed at least 1/2 an hour to drive there, and in my condition, I wanted to start earlier so I wouldn't have to speed my way there.
And none of my friends could help me.
Then at 1:50pm, the miracle happened. ICQX called me from his house, saying he was home and wondering what was the problem. I told him my situation and asked if he could drive me to college and back. I told him that we would have to leave around 2:30pm, as the presentation starts at 3pm. He paused for a second and agreed to come over and send me after his lunch.
Tears poured from my eyes. What more could I say? I thanked and praised God for the miracle He had provided. I wiped away my tears and furiously continued to edit while typing out 2 journals and another assignment at the same time. I had to finish everything as fast as I could. Exporting the video edit into a Digital Video tape was taking longer than expected and I there was little I could do. At 2:15pm, ICQX arrived at my house and we sat and chatted while I continued to type out the journals and the assigment.
I watched the other presentations in awe. They were very well done. More than I had ever thought of. Of course, the best group in the class did exceedingly well, there was little to find fault about. Then a group of 4 girls presented their title: "What Is It About Guys and Cars?". It was a totally 'guy' topic yet it was done extremely well by the 4 girls. There was little I could say or think. I edited the entire video and I knew exactly how bad it was. Timidly, I set the tape into place as our turn arrived and sat back and cringed.
Our lecturer commented that it wasn't bad, it was good. But for me, comparing it with the others, I would say it was the worst in the class. We didn't have a driving story. In fact before I started editing, all we had were interviews of various people. Our topic was "Why Students Disrespect Teachers" and we only had 2 interviews with actual students. The rest were former students, teachers and parents. That was it. What about other shots? We had 2 shots of kids playing at a playground and that was it. We couldn't get shots of schools because we were not allowed to. In desperation, I called a friend who agreed to help, drove out, gave her the camera and directed her to shoot the schools as I drove past. That was to be our establishing shot. Even during editing itself, I had to sit and slowly figure out in what order to edit the entire thing. And the fact that nothing was named, the program crashed all too often and the sound being horrible didn't help one bit. I had to tweak and do everything with all my focus and attention into it. It was fun yes, but extremely tedious.
We were given a chance to re-edit and get more shots. Our lecturer understood the fact that we had plenty of problems with getting the school shots as we were not allowed to shoot within the school area, especially with such a topic involved. Even at my former secondary school where I knew all the teachers at the very top of the administration, I couldn't get it. Yes we required a letter from the ministry or the administration of schools, but I could've gotten some shots in because I knew the teachers very well and I had even agreed to help out with some fund raising program if I was allowed to shoot. It was our topic that turned the whole deal off. A no-brainer, really.
I was tired and my mind was messy. My head was having problems keeping up as my neck ached from being used for so long. After the presentation, I went for dinner with my friend at a mall on the way back. Only then did it occur to me that I hadn't eaten since 7am in the morning. It was already 7PM. I'm not one who can stand skipping lunch either. Food is essential to my activeness and liveliness. Take away my food and I'll be extremely passive and may not even talk if I'm not in a good mood.
I payed for our dinner at Kenny Rogers. We went back and I thanked him again. After bathing, I sat down on my bed and listened to some music for a short while. After turning off the lights and praying, I lied down and dug my head into my pillows. My world blacked out almost immediately.
The next day (today) I woke up at 1:45pm. I slept around 10pm the last night. That's about 15-16 hours of sleep.
By the way, the reason why I changed my blog address again is because my blog was searchable through 900913 (try typing that using letters that look almost the same, it's a very famous search engine). When someone else found my blog through it, I decided I had to change the address again. There were 2 links now in the search - 1 directly relating to my internet pen-name and 1 more which was a direct link to my blog. For some reason, it didn't have my internet pen-name on it, but it was still there. My privacy had been forsaken.
Also, I wanted to update myself on who's still reading my blog. If you're reading this, I thank you for continuing to want to know about me and this life among the zillions of people in the world. It means a lot to me. Thank you.
Oh, and I finally found out how to change my blog template. I assure you that I have tried to change that 90% naked female black angel picture, but everytime I change it the picture flies further up of the place. I'll change it as soon as I find out how without making it fly everywhere, I promise.
And later today (it's 1:13am now actually, the next day) I'm going to meet this boy who's having some depression problems or something. I'm supposed to try to help him, as tasked by my home fellowship group (his mother is a new member of the home fellowship). I'm fine with the tasking thing, but I'm not with the pushing and constantly asking about change. I've only got to know him for an hour and a half or more and I'm supposed to know more than a girlfriend who's been with a guy for more than a year. Please, I'm human and he's human too. To know a person and to HELP a person, I first have to be a friend. And the first step in being a friend is to NOT tell the whole world about every single thing he does.
Of course, the boy doesn't know it. I don't know how long it'll take before he does. At the rate my home fellowship members are asking me about stuff, I doubt it'll take long for any smart person to.
But still, I hope I can help, in any way possible. I've been through some depressive times, and it's not something to like. It's not something I'd want anyone to have to bear either.
I am after all, in a new RP forum I entered, a Lost Angel living in Righteousness and searching for Redemption. A being living in both Darkness, and in Light. Breathing in Condemnation but yearning for Salvation.
A sinful person, looking for God.
God,
I thank You and praise You. You have proven that You DO hear my cry and help me in my time of need. This past event will not be a moment forgotten. I will carry it with me as a testimony and tell those who will listen. Though I know I am sinful of nature, born a human into a world of Darkness ruled by Materialisticism, I will still look to You, Pure and Holy, the Alpha and the Omega, Light and Love itself; and seek and yearn to be with You from day after day, tomorrow till tomorrow, till the time in which You have chosen for me comes.
And Father, bless the readers of my blog who have read this testimony. May they be as blessed as I have been.
Good night.
Not that I usually sleep at night anyway.
So what's the big deal? Lots of people didn't sleep that night either, rushing their work.
It's cuz I slept about 1/2 an hour after that, that was the problem.
If I want to stay the night through without sleeping, I cannot sleep until I want to sleep completely till the next day. Or I'll have some serious problems.
Which was what happened. I woke up after accidentally dozing off on the couch, watching the video editing I did on a VCD I burned out. I was checking for mistakes. Since I was lying down on the couch, I accidentally dozed off without my knowing at all. 1 second I'm watching the video, and the next I find myself waking up to a paused screen.
I had a bad case of dizziness. Well not exactly the world spinning kind of dizzy, it was the feeling that I could fall asleep any moment without my knowing and the sense of an extremely heavy head which my neck could not support.
It was scary to say the least. I continued video editing for a while and without knowing, I dozed off on the computer table. Again.
When I woke up, I almost cried. Tears were already welling up on my eyes. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of myself. I didn't dare drive at all. Not that I didn't dare, I couldn't bring myself to drive to college by myself in that condition. Me getting into an accident and landing in the hospital wasn't what I was thinking.
I was thinking that if I get into an accident and I DO survive without a coma or a missing limb, my mother's going to get all the scolding from my stepfather. Heck landing in the hospital isn't going to make him stop and think.
I had already tried calling all my friends living nearby who would be capable of driving me or at least FOLLOWING me to college in my car. At least with a friend in the car, he/she could slap me awake and help keep me conscious by constantly talking to me.
None could come.
I had prayed and prayed for God to work a miracle. I would have to drive to college on my own. I tried getting rid of the dizziness as much as I could. I sprayed water on my face, I drank cold water, I ate chocolate and drank a cup of coffee.
Nothing was working.
In desperation, I called ICQX again. I had called him earlier, but he was in college. And his college is some miles away. I had hoped he would be home or on the way home by then. I had explained my situation to him earlier.
My call was cut off while ringing. He smsed me saying he was in class.
My heart sank. I didn't know what to do anymore. Another friend had promised to try to come with me to college earlier. She couldn't make it. Another friend who stayed nearby had to ask her mother for permission. Her mother didn't allow her. Of course she wouldn't. Who would allow their 17 year old daughter to follow a half conscious person to college, especially with that person driving? That's just insane.
I continued to edit as fast as I could with tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't. Yet I had to. I didn't have a choice. It was a group project and though the editing was supposed to be done by someone else, I had to do it because I had the required program and the best editing skills in the group. I had to finish it and be there before the presentation was over. It starts at 3pm, and it was already 1:45pm. I needed at least 1/2 an hour to drive there, and in my condition, I wanted to start earlier so I wouldn't have to speed my way there.
And none of my friends could help me.
Then at 1:50pm, the miracle happened. ICQX called me from his house, saying he was home and wondering what was the problem. I told him my situation and asked if he could drive me to college and back. I told him that we would have to leave around 2:30pm, as the presentation starts at 3pm. He paused for a second and agreed to come over and send me after his lunch.
Tears poured from my eyes. What more could I say? I thanked and praised God for the miracle He had provided. I wiped away my tears and furiously continued to edit while typing out 2 journals and another assignment at the same time. I had to finish everything as fast as I could. Exporting the video edit into a Digital Video tape was taking longer than expected and I there was little I could do. At 2:15pm, ICQX arrived at my house and we sat and chatted while I continued to type out the journals and the assigment.
I watched the other presentations in awe. They were very well done. More than I had ever thought of. Of course, the best group in the class did exceedingly well, there was little to find fault about. Then a group of 4 girls presented their title: "What Is It About Guys and Cars?". It was a totally 'guy' topic yet it was done extremely well by the 4 girls. There was little I could say or think. I edited the entire video and I knew exactly how bad it was. Timidly, I set the tape into place as our turn arrived and sat back and cringed.
Our lecturer commented that it wasn't bad, it was good. But for me, comparing it with the others, I would say it was the worst in the class. We didn't have a driving story. In fact before I started editing, all we had were interviews of various people. Our topic was "Why Students Disrespect Teachers" and we only had 2 interviews with actual students. The rest were former students, teachers and parents. That was it. What about other shots? We had 2 shots of kids playing at a playground and that was it. We couldn't get shots of schools because we were not allowed to. In desperation, I called a friend who agreed to help, drove out, gave her the camera and directed her to shoot the schools as I drove past. That was to be our establishing shot. Even during editing itself, I had to sit and slowly figure out in what order to edit the entire thing. And the fact that nothing was named, the program crashed all too often and the sound being horrible didn't help one bit. I had to tweak and do everything with all my focus and attention into it. It was fun yes, but extremely tedious.
We were given a chance to re-edit and get more shots. Our lecturer understood the fact that we had plenty of problems with getting the school shots as we were not allowed to shoot within the school area, especially with such a topic involved. Even at my former secondary school where I knew all the teachers at the very top of the administration, I couldn't get it. Yes we required a letter from the ministry or the administration of schools, but I could've gotten some shots in because I knew the teachers very well and I had even agreed to help out with some fund raising program if I was allowed to shoot. It was our topic that turned the whole deal off. A no-brainer, really.
I was tired and my mind was messy. My head was having problems keeping up as my neck ached from being used for so long. After the presentation, I went for dinner with my friend at a mall on the way back. Only then did it occur to me that I hadn't eaten since 7am in the morning. It was already 7PM. I'm not one who can stand skipping lunch either. Food is essential to my activeness and liveliness. Take away my food and I'll be extremely passive and may not even talk if I'm not in a good mood.
I payed for our dinner at Kenny Rogers. We went back and I thanked him again. After bathing, I sat down on my bed and listened to some music for a short while. After turning off the lights and praying, I lied down and dug my head into my pillows. My world blacked out almost immediately.
The next day (today) I woke up at 1:45pm. I slept around 10pm the last night. That's about 15-16 hours of sleep.
By the way, the reason why I changed my blog address again is because my blog was searchable through 900913 (try typing that using letters that look almost the same, it's a very famous search engine). When someone else found my blog through it, I decided I had to change the address again. There were 2 links now in the search - 1 directly relating to my internet pen-name and 1 more which was a direct link to my blog. For some reason, it didn't have my internet pen-name on it, but it was still there. My privacy had been forsaken.
Also, I wanted to update myself on who's still reading my blog. If you're reading this, I thank you for continuing to want to know about me and this life among the zillions of people in the world. It means a lot to me. Thank you.
Oh, and I finally found out how to change my blog template. I assure you that I have tried to change that 90% naked female black angel picture, but everytime I change it the picture flies further up of the place. I'll change it as soon as I find out how without making it fly everywhere, I promise.
And later today (it's 1:13am now actually, the next day) I'm going to meet this boy who's having some depression problems or something. I'm supposed to try to help him, as tasked by my home fellowship group (his mother is a new member of the home fellowship). I'm fine with the tasking thing, but I'm not with the pushing and constantly asking about change. I've only got to know him for an hour and a half or more and I'm supposed to know more than a girlfriend who's been with a guy for more than a year. Please, I'm human and he's human too. To know a person and to HELP a person, I first have to be a friend. And the first step in being a friend is to NOT tell the whole world about every single thing he does.
Of course, the boy doesn't know it. I don't know how long it'll take before he does. At the rate my home fellowship members are asking me about stuff, I doubt it'll take long for any smart person to.
But still, I hope I can help, in any way possible. I've been through some depressive times, and it's not something to like. It's not something I'd want anyone to have to bear either.
I am after all, in a new RP forum I entered, a Lost Angel living in Righteousness and searching for Redemption. A being living in both Darkness, and in Light. Breathing in Condemnation but yearning for Salvation.
A sinful person, looking for God.
God,
I thank You and praise You. You have proven that You DO hear my cry and help me in my time of need. This past event will not be a moment forgotten. I will carry it with me as a testimony and tell those who will listen. Though I know I am sinful of nature, born a human into a world of Darkness ruled by Materialisticism, I will still look to You, Pure and Holy, the Alpha and the Omega, Light and Love itself; and seek and yearn to be with You from day after day, tomorrow till tomorrow, till the time in which You have chosen for me comes.
And Father, bless the readers of my blog who have read this testimony. May they be as blessed as I have been.
Good night.
posted by Liil Masks at 9:30 am
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