Dreams that May Not be Meant to Be

"Moments" - Ayumi Hamasaki

***

Title: Moments

Lyricist/Artist: Ayumi Hamasaki

Original Language: Japanese

Translation: English

***

- Romaji -

la~~

kokoro ga kogatsuite
yakeru nioi ga shita
sore wa yume no owari
subete no hajimari datta

akogareteta mono wa
utsukushiku omoete
te ga todokanai kara
kagayaki o mashita no darou

kimi no kudake chitta yume no hahen ga
boku no mune o sashite
wasurete wa ikenai itami toshite kizamareteku

hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou

la~

kimi ga zetsubou to iu
nanofuchi ni tatasare
soko de mita keshiki wa
donna mono datta no darou

ikibasho o nakushite samayotteru
mukidashi no kokoro ga
fureru no o osorete
surudoi toge harimeguraseru

tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou

~

hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou

tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou

kaze no you ni nagareru no nara
kimi no soba ni tadoritsuku deshou
tsuki no you ni kagayakeru nara
kimi o terashitsuzukeru deshou

la~

kimi ga mou kore ijou
nido to kowai mono o
minakute sumu no nara
boku wa nan ni demo narou

***

- English -

Your heart began to be scorched,
and there was a smell of it.
It was the end of your dream,
and the start of everything...

What you adored looked beautiful to you...
It became even brighter,
because you couldn't reach it.

The broken pieces of your dream,
Pierce my heart.
Leaving the pain,
That I should never forget...

If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.

How was the scenery you saw,
When you were pushed into an abyss of despair?

Your naked heart is wandering...
Having nowhere to go.
And is setting sharp thorns around,
For fear of being touched.

If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.

If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.

If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.

If I could flow like the wind,
I would reach you...
If I could shine like a moon,
I would keep shining on you...

I'll be anything,
If it can stop you from being seized with fear.

***

Once again, lyrics courtesy of MPL. Thanks so much.

Clickz

Above is a link to the music video AND the original version of the song.


The original version is rather westernised J-rockish. It makes it sound interesting, especially if you take into count the meaning of the lyrics.


However, I prefer the acoustic piano version.

It has no rock elements in it. It's sentimental, soft and smooth, nostalgic even. I love it. Sadly though, I don't know how to load it up to blogger here for you to listen. You can however, just ask me over MSN one day for the thing, I'll be more than happy to share it with you.



Why all this?

I'm planning to make a music video of the music.

Not using Ayumi of course, I'll be using a friend of mine as the talent.

JYJY.

If I haven't mentioned her yet (which I think I SHOULD have), she's from the TCS choir, studying in UCSI majoring in jazz/contemporary piano (forgot which) and minor is voice.

Suffice to say, she's cute, she's got the looks that could pass off as a japanese.

I've been 'envisioning' her in the music video for a god 2 weeks now. I keep thinking back on the scenes I hope to do, thinking of how I can improve them and what to put in between.

And since I want it to be purely my ideas, I'm not gonna post up my written storyboard (which btw I don't have). If I get stuck, I'll just spent more time figuring it out.

I love the scenes.

Oh, I'm hoping to get someone to help with being the camera-person as well. I can't very well put the camera on a tripod and expect it to move around me while recording at the same time.

Yeah, I plan to be part of the video too. Meaning I wanna be in the scenes.

Yeah. Just me and JYJY.


*sigh*

I just need her to consent, then I can start writing and planning.

If she doesn't consent, I won't be doing it.

Not at all.

So it's up to her really.




Today was a bad day. At least I consider it a bad day.


Last Saturday, I asked TSY if she wanted to catch a movie with me on Sunday. She had a friend over and it was her friend's birthday, so she wanted to take her out for the day as a birthday 'gift'.


Yesterday, I asked her if she'd like to hang out today and catch a movie or something.

She was going to the movies with her friends. She couldn't hang out with me.


It was from that moment that my mind switched to BBT's thoughts. Yes, BBT's still there. She doesn't say much anymore, but her thoughts are deep.

'You've either got bad timing... Or she's avoiding you. And knowing myself, I'd say the latter...'


Negative as it seemed, it was possible. She HAS been avoiding me, or so my over-sensitive self seemes, for the past week. Well it's not obvious, but women are sophisticated and prefer to give hints compared to telling a person straight in the face.

Well, generally anyway.


And just because I like to think sophisticatedly and prefer people to THINK and UNDERSTAND my feelings doesn't make me any more feminine than I already am.

If I'm bitchy and a bitch, fine, so be it.

AM calls me a bitch from time to time anyway. But that's because I act overly bitchy in front of her for the fun of it.


So I SMSed JYJY late that night. I had just gone to watch her performance and was eager to have a chat with her. It was an annual performance by her college and she was part of it. It was enthralling.

I expected an answer the next day.

Well, there wasn't any answer.


I called in the morning, 3 times in the afternoon and once in the evening.

No answer.


Later in the night, I SMSed her again.

Still no answer.


*sigh*


BBT's thoughts came in again.

'I don't know... But it seems rather obvious...'

"I know. That she's avoiding me. Why wouldn't she anyway. She's got C (a guy she hangs out with a lot, who's supposed to have a girlfriend and JYJY claims they're just friends), doesn't she? And C's cool. They've got the same vibe. And are in the same field. What chance have I got against C?"

'That's what I'm supposed to say, not you...'

"Well, I know your thoughts, dear. And I know that's what you're thinking..."


*sigh*


Well, I SMSed MKSM, another person from JYJY's college, asking if she was coming for rehearsal (she's also in TCS).

I never got a reply either.



I SMSed JYJY the night before, asking her to SMS me if she wanted to go out after her performance. She said she wanted to buy some stuff and had to see if C had any plans, as she fetches him and they go to TCS rehearsal together. I told her it was ok if she wanted to rest after the performance, but to message me with her decision.



I waited the whole day for her reply. I booked my car (my parents needed to go out) and stayed home the whole day in my church clothes, waiting for a reply so that I could change and immediately move if I needed to.


No reply.



This is one of the times I really with I had MPL to hug (so small, cute and chibified... So nice to hug @@).

Seriously.

As of late, MPL seems to be the only one who constantly reads and talks to me (and consoles me mind you) about stuff I talk about in my blogs. And she does it over MSN, which makes it better as I don't like to show my emotions in real life. On the internet, it's much easier to express myself. At least that's for me, cuz I prefer writing over anything else.

And no, MY, I'm not saying that you don't read my blog. I'm just saying that MPL seems to be the only one who talks to me online about it.

Which makes me feel very comfortable actually. I don't know if I'd open up to anyone else. At least probably not as much as I open to MPL.



Oh btw,

My mom has my address now.

It was getting on my nerves (and my conscience) everytime she asked me "Why won't you give me your blog address?".

And everytime she asked, I felt a sudden guilt that spawned without reason.

Honestly, I didn't want to give it to her.

And just today, she proved to me again, one of the reasons why I didn't want her to have this address.

All my friends know this without me saying anything. I don't understand why she doesn't.



I. Hate. Quotations from my blog.

Especially when it's about my feelings and emotions; the ones I don't want people to see or know.


Unless you want to console me like MPL constantly does, it's fine. I love her for this. Thank you, MPL.

But other than that, PLEASE do NOT quote my blog. I find it extremely annoying and irritating.

And if you don't know why, PLEASE do NOT ask why. You'd just irritate me more. Ask someone else. Maybe a psychiatrist or something.

ESPECIALLY if you're going to insult me, tease me or annoy me in any way. I can promise that I'll either put my blog into private, giving only extremely limited people access (which I don't want to, it's quite a pain to view if it's private), or I'll just stop blogging.

BLSL has already stopped blogging. I don't know what's happening in his life right now. It's hard to get to him since he lives so far away.

If you don't want to know what's happening to me and my emotions that I keep from public view, do me a favour - STOP READING. Don't annoy me.

And I'm sure that those who know me will know that I hate being overly annoyed and irritated. Those who have seen me in a foul mood would know how bad it can be. I have my patience. But over time, it has grown less and less in amount of tolerance. I'm sure you can all pretty much guess to whom I blame for this. If you don't... Why are you even here?



God...

I have no patience. I'm not a doctor, so I have no patients.

Please, grant me patience, especially when I'm in a foul mood.

Like today.


God, bless MPL.