Silence

It can tell so much.

Yet so little.





The working world is filled with deceit, the lack of moral and an unsocialising life.


I hate the working world.





I've been very busy with my performance lately. Too busy to stay online for no particular reason for long.


I was praised by an unexpected person yesterday.

Praised for taking the effort to learn and know more about something I wasn't supposed to do in the first place, but commissioned in the last minute to.

I'm talking about my play.

I've been 'understudying' many roles in this play. Many of which I do well understudying; better than the roles I'm supposed to handle myself.

One particular role is singing a song called "I'm a nothing Stranger".

The original cast singing the role was struck with shingles (shingels, whatever). He's recovered some now but not well enough to be able to sing.

I've been singing his part when he was away from practices.

Technically, 'understudying'. I've only been singing the part to ensure the run goes through smoothly.


This guy is from Singapore.

I kinda dislike him a lot.

To me, his sense of humour is absolutely WAY lame and he does it WAY too often. And WAY too often, teases / annoys me. He just doesn't get the idea when I'm annoyed.


I went to him (much to my discomfort) and asked him about a certain part of the song which I couldn't get. I've never actually read the notes of the song to memorise, I've only heard him singing it and another person during another performance which was 2 years ago. I just couldn't catch that part.

So I approached him to ask about that part (which I caught easily).

He later said to me,"There should be more people like you. Who'll take the effort to do a part seriously even though you're not supposed to sing it."


I guess that's true. I like being an understudy for the roles I want (but can't get). It's the closest I can get to getting the role itself. Whenever the respective people aren't present, I get to take over for a brief moment.

I guess it's just hoping beyond hope.




Anyway...

TSY is killing me.

My desires for her are raging (not physically mind you, mentally, as in I really really like her and am starting to see a lot of things I like about) and I'm finding it hard to keep it under control.

I guess she still sees me as a little brother. I can't blame her with that really. She IS after all, half a decade my senoir. And I stupidly enough keep calling her 'Jie jie', which means 'bigger sister' in cantonese.

And I'm really dying inside to hold her.

To embrace her.



But I can't.

I know I can't.

I musn't.







Conflict between 'My Morals' and 'My Desires'.

The latter is winning.




God...

What is your will for my love life...?

I really hope to know...


Please...


God, bless my blog-readers.