Wilted Rose
dislike me, disfigure me, despise me, destroy me
Make me feel guilt, Make me feel pain;
Make me feel hurt, You're all just the same!
I got into an accident today, at 11:15 am while on my way to college to register for my graduation ceremony.
Upon reaching a turnoff from a backlane highway to the main highway, it was badly jammed.
I turned into a road leading into a housing estate. It was a shortcut through the jam and I knew me way.
At a T-Junction, an extended truck was in front of me. The truck was moving past the junction so I proceeded to trun into the left lane.
Just as I turned my view back to the truck, I saw it reversing towards me at a fast speed (fast for a reversin 2-cars-long truck). Before I could even honk, the back of the truck hit the bottom right part of my windshield, partially hitting the side bars.
My windshield is now partially cracked on the driver side, with a smashed up part on the bottom right (inside view). The connecting bars between the mud-guard (above tyre) and the part above the door, the intersection where they both meet is badly damaged. Both have to be replaced.
I guess there were only 2 things I could thank God for at that moment. Or maybe 3.
1- I thank God I was not hurt. Not a single scratch.
2- I thank God I was created as a calm person, I didn't go into a frenzy like some people I know would, I just calmly took his license plate, his phone number and name and settled it by saying I'd go to the workshop near my place and find out the costs. He agreed.
3- I thank God he didn't create a ruckus and knew it was his fault. It'd be annoying if he tried to pin in on me.
Well, that's about all I could think of.
My first thoughts after that were instinctively:
'I want to see how my mother will blame this on me.'
If you think deeply (or are a psychologist), you'd understand that I've been through a lot lately that has resulted in my mother blaming me for everything. I can't say much about my stepfather, I think he blames me for existing.
But my mother? The person whom I've known since birth till now, the person whom I admit I do (supposedly) love the most in this world at the current moment... The person who IS supposed to love me the most in this world at the current moment...
She blames everything on me too.
When I called later, she immediately sounded offensive.
I know, I just collected the car yesterday from repairing the bumper.
It was a friggin slow moving area, a housing area damnit. I was moving slowly and cautiously, I wouldn't want to bang anyone down.
Especially after I just collected my car from the workshop a day before.
Later when I was at the workshop and told her the price the foreman had calculated (which amounted to RM1000), I was told by her to find out what the guy wants to do about it.
I called the guy and through some very very bad reception, (hopefully) understood he would call me at 6pm. Either that or I'd call him. Whatever.
When I call my mother back to tell her what the decision was... The first thing she said was "Why so late?"
The 2nd thing she could only say
was
"Why were you so careless?"
either that or it was
"Why weren't you more alert? If you were more alert this wouldn't have happened."
My only reply was
"Hello?? I got hit by a truck and you blame it all on me?"
She hung up.
I don't know what to think now.
I can only think of 1 person to thank amidst all this:
Ayumi Hamasaki.
It's weird I know
but whenever I listen to her song "Moments"
(after it was looped over a few times)
I just calm down
I loose the heat
It's still there definitely yes
but it's just... well... much less than it would've been
I'll repost the lyrics here again:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Moments" - Ayumi Hamasaki
***
Title: Moments
Lyricist/Artist: Ayumi Hamasaki
Original Language: Japanese
Translation: English
***
- Romaji -
la~~
kokoro ga kogatsuite
yakeru nioi ga shita
sore wa yume no owari
subete no hajimari datta
akogareteta mono wa
utsukushiku omoete
te ga todokanai kara
kagayaki o mashita no darou
kimi no kudake chitta yume no hahen ga
boku no mune o sashite
wasurete wa ikenai itami toshite kizamareteku
hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou
la~
kimi ga zetsubou to iu
nanofuchi ni tatasare
soko de mita keshiki wa
donna mono datta no darou
ikibasho o nakushite samayotteru
mukidashi no kokoro ga
fureru no o osorete
surudoi toge harimeguraseru
tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou
~
hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou
tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou
kaze no you ni nagareru no nara
kimi no soba ni tadoritsuku deshou
tsuki no you ni kagayakeru nara
kimi o terashitsuzukeru deshou
la~
kimi ga mou kore ijou
nido to kowai mono o
minakute sumu no nara
boku wa nan ni demo narou
***
- English -
Your heart began to be scorched,
and there was a smell of it.
It was the end of your dream,
and the start of everything...
What you adored looked beautiful to you...
It became even brighter,
because you couldn't reach it.
The broken pieces of your dream,
Pierce my heart.
Leaving the pain,
That I should never forget...
If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.
How was the scenery you saw,
When you were pushed into an abyss of despair?
Your naked heart is wandering...
Having nowhere to go.
And is setting sharp thorns around,
For fear of being touched.
If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.
If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.
If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.
If I could flow like the wind,
I would reach you...
If I could shine like a moon,
I would keep shining on you...
I'll be anything,
If it can stop you from being seized with fear.
***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay close attention to the English lyrics
It's not some normal lyrics
It's the lyrics to someone who has lost much in life
And the singer wishes simply to be there
to comfort
to hold
to love
to care
much unlike the beginning of this post.
I wish I could just fall, breakdown and cry
that I can do but...
I just wish there was someone that would be there to hold me
In the midst of despair
when even the one whom you love the most
betrays you in the worst times of need
In this world
where all is corrupted and lost
Wishes never come true...
And God...
Wherever You may be...
Whatever You may be doing...
I'm sad.
Good bye, blog-readers.
Though there may be none now.
I just wish...
that...
there was...
Make me feel guilt, Make me feel pain;
Make me feel hurt, You're all just the same!
I got into an accident today, at 11:15 am while on my way to college to register for my graduation ceremony.
Upon reaching a turnoff from a backlane highway to the main highway, it was badly jammed.
I turned into a road leading into a housing estate. It was a shortcut through the jam and I knew me way.
At a T-Junction, an extended truck was in front of me. The truck was moving past the junction so I proceeded to trun into the left lane.
Just as I turned my view back to the truck, I saw it reversing towards me at a fast speed (fast for a reversin 2-cars-long truck). Before I could even honk, the back of the truck hit the bottom right part of my windshield, partially hitting the side bars.
My windshield is now partially cracked on the driver side, with a smashed up part on the bottom right (inside view). The connecting bars between the mud-guard (above tyre) and the part above the door, the intersection where they both meet is badly damaged. Both have to be replaced.
I guess there were only 2 things I could thank God for at that moment. Or maybe 3.
1- I thank God I was not hurt. Not a single scratch.
2- I thank God I was created as a calm person, I didn't go into a frenzy like some people I know would, I just calmly took his license plate, his phone number and name and settled it by saying I'd go to the workshop near my place and find out the costs. He agreed.
3- I thank God he didn't create a ruckus and knew it was his fault. It'd be annoying if he tried to pin in on me.
Well, that's about all I could think of.
My first thoughts after that were instinctively:
'I want to see how my mother will blame this on me.'
If you think deeply (or are a psychologist), you'd understand that I've been through a lot lately that has resulted in my mother blaming me for everything. I can't say much about my stepfather, I think he blames me for existing.
But my mother? The person whom I've known since birth till now, the person whom I admit I do (supposedly) love the most in this world at the current moment... The person who IS supposed to love me the most in this world at the current moment...
She blames everything on me too.
When I called later, she immediately sounded offensive.
I know, I just collected the car yesterday from repairing the bumper.
It was a friggin slow moving area, a housing area damnit. I was moving slowly and cautiously, I wouldn't want to bang anyone down.
Especially after I just collected my car from the workshop a day before.
Later when I was at the workshop and told her the price the foreman had calculated (which amounted to RM1000), I was told by her to find out what the guy wants to do about it.
I called the guy and through some very very bad reception, (hopefully) understood he would call me at 6pm. Either that or I'd call him. Whatever.
When I call my mother back to tell her what the decision was... The first thing she said was "Why so late?"
The 2nd thing she could only say
was
"Why were you so careless?"
either that or it was
"Why weren't you more alert? If you were more alert this wouldn't have happened."
My only reply was
"Hello?? I got hit by a truck and you blame it all on me?"
She hung up.
I don't know what to think now.
I can only think of 1 person to thank amidst all this:
Ayumi Hamasaki.
It's weird I know
but whenever I listen to her song "Moments"
(after it was looped over a few times)
I just calm down
I loose the heat
It's still there definitely yes
but it's just... well... much less than it would've been
I'll repost the lyrics here again:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Moments" - Ayumi Hamasaki
***
Title: Moments
Lyricist/Artist: Ayumi Hamasaki
Original Language: Japanese
Translation: English
***
- Romaji -
la~~
kokoro ga kogatsuite
yakeru nioi ga shita
sore wa yume no owari
subete no hajimari datta
akogareteta mono wa
utsukushiku omoete
te ga todokanai kara
kagayaki o mashita no darou
kimi no kudake chitta yume no hahen ga
boku no mune o sashite
wasurete wa ikenai itami toshite kizamareteku
hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou
la~
kimi ga zetsubou to iu
nanofuchi ni tatasare
soko de mita keshiki wa
donna mono datta no darou
ikibasho o nakushite samayotteru
mukidashi no kokoro ga
fureru no o osorete
surudoi toge harimeguraseru
tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou
~
hana no you ni hakanai no nara
kimi no moto de sakihokoru deshou
soshite egao mitodoketa ato
sotto hitori chitteyuku deshou
tori no you ni habatakeru nara
kimi no moto e tondeyuku deshou
soshite kizu o otta sono se ni
boku no hane o sashidasu deshou
kaze no you ni nagareru no nara
kimi no soba ni tadoritsuku deshou
tsuki no you ni kagayakeru nara
kimi o terashitsuzukeru deshou
la~
kimi ga mou kore ijou
nido to kowai mono o
minakute sumu no nara
boku wa nan ni demo narou
***
- English -
Your heart began to be scorched,
and there was a smell of it.
It was the end of your dream,
and the start of everything...
What you adored looked beautiful to you...
It became even brighter,
because you couldn't reach it.
The broken pieces of your dream,
Pierce my heart.
Leaving the pain,
That I should never forget...
If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.
How was the scenery you saw,
When you were pushed into an abyss of despair?
Your naked heart is wandering...
Having nowhere to go.
And is setting sharp thorns around,
For fear of being touched.
If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.
If my life is transient like a flower,
I'll be in full bloom by your side...
And after watching your smile,
I'll fall alone, quietly.
If I could flutter like a bird,
I would fly to you...
And offer my wing,
To your wounded back.
If I could flow like the wind,
I would reach you...
If I could shine like a moon,
I would keep shining on you...
I'll be anything,
If it can stop you from being seized with fear.
***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay close attention to the English lyrics
It's not some normal lyrics
It's the lyrics to someone who has lost much in life
And the singer wishes simply to be there
to comfort
to hold
to love
to care
much unlike the beginning of this post.
I wish I could just fall, breakdown and cry
that I can do but...
I just wish there was someone that would be there to hold me
In the midst of despair
when even the one whom you love the most
betrays you in the worst times of need
In this world
where all is corrupted and lost
Wishes never come true...
And God...
Wherever You may be...
Whatever You may be doing...
I'm sad.
Good bye, blog-readers.
Though there may be none now.
I just wish...
that...
there was...
posted by Liil Masks at 10:10 pm
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