A Time for Everything

I believe I got my confirmation yesterday.

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Me: *looks at facebook* Interested in Men eh? heheh (I probably phail then cuz everyone calls me boi T_T)

J2LY: Oh that was for my orientation. I'm not looking for anyone right now. :) Unless God points out the right person to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~


I know she's not talking about me nor anyone in particular.

But somehow, within me I just felt that if I worked hard to right myself with Him and with myself, I stand my chance.

Chance.

Bleh.

I WANT to believe that she's the one God planned for me, that He's now just teasing me (for motivation's sake) by showing her to me. God uses people and works in His own mysterious
ways, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's what He's doing right now.

Still, that doesn't mean He's preparing her for me.

Or maybe

He's preparing me for her?

I dunno.

I'd like both to be true though.



Haha only problem now is from Motivation, I fear it may turn into Obsession.

Motivation's got a voice that I fell in love with. A voice which I want to hear every single second of my life. A voice I want to talk to me, to sing to me, to lull me into doing her deepest desires (okay that sounds wrong, but that's the intensity I'm talking about).

I want to look at her all the time... But that would make it freaky so I have to restrain myself from looking at her during practices. It's killing me, but if I must, I must. I don't want to freak her out. And I personally feel that I'm not ready for a relationship anyway so I don't wanna jump into things. Besides, I've barely known her for a month. It takes time to know a person and I want to know her fully (well as much as she'll allow me to) before I do anything stupid.

Yeah, before I do anything stupid. haha. I always do stupid stuff around the girls I really like anyway.

The question is will she like me for doing that, for being the... Goof around her that I am? As much of a confident person I can be, I lack that confidence around her. Unless I am 100% sure that I can do this thing, I lose all of it. Or at least 50% of it. Self esteem was never a strongpoint in me anyway. Just logical thinking. And UnLogical thinking as well. And ThingKing too. Kings aren't so Thin.



Either ways... I've gotta be careful not to turn Motivation into Obsession. It's getting there though so I gotta look back positive and look to God for strength and wisdom and guidance. At this point, I really DO want to live with her for the rest of my life. Everything I've learnt about her so far only further sparks my interest to want to know her more.

Oh yeah, in my previous post about her, I forgot to mention she played Final Fantasy VIII too, like a bunchload of times, and she loved it sooo much XD;; I did the exact same thing! XD

It's so scary at times when I look at our similiarities and the things I'd love to have in a girl.

But I must resist jumping into things. I know I'm not ready and I don't want to have anything until I'm fully sure that I am. I don't want history to repeat, and I don't want to reminisce all the stupid things I've done, only to have them start all over again.

Motivation.




:)

What am I saying? I don't know. I'm just having a hard time focusing on doing anything else since everything I do reminds me of her. :/


Oh well.

At least I'll be able to hear her beautiful singing voice every day starting thursday :D


God

Please give me the endurance and will to control myself

and give me the courage and wisdom to do the right thing, to change in me what You are unhappy with and to retain in me what is pleasing in Your sight.

God Bless my blog readers

And Ben, Ivan, Jun, Jas and J2LY :)